Reflections on my "devotional journey" the past few months

April 8, 2008

Interesting… it seems that You have just moved me into a new “phase” or “exploration” or “method” or “stage of relationship/being with You” … It’s been an interesting year altogether… Started out at the beginning of January reading through the Pentateuch (Genesis to Deuteronomy), along the way recording the names/descriptions of God, and also the genealogy of mankind, esp of Your chosen people

Anyway, then I went through that whole “struggle” time when I didn’t know what to think about church, and “systems” and all… and it just seemed like I needed to “detox” from even my “devotional systems” (didn’t that occur about the same time I read “The Shack” and “He Loves Me!” … and was so blown away by the FACT – the sure personal knowledge, assurance, joy! – that You REALLY, REALLY DO LOVE ME!) ;

anyway, then I really clearly heard Your voice in my heart and mind leading me to read from John and listen to what You had to say to me from that part of Your Word… and meanwhile I was writing less in my journal, and more in letters/emails to people, and some blogging, and even talking to people - anyway, at first as I read in John, I was just recording the parts that described YOU, Jesus (and that in itself was totally AMAZING because I felt like for the first time I was actually coming to really KNOW YOU through Your Word, instead of just know about You…

and then there was spring break… and after I came back, I started in again recording (I was just reading during break, but went back to where I’d left off recording, when I got back)… but instead of just recording information about You (underlining key words and phrases) all of a sudden I found myself recording some (to me at least) really deep conversations with You, and just even more being blown away by it all… but at the same time, being troubled and sad, because You keep showing me the depths of my soul and the depths of my need for Your cleansing and changing and renewing/ rebirthing… thank you…

And at the same time, I seem to have stopped writing in my journal, and started recording events (and thoughts) here… guess I’ll need a binder and some more printer ink and paper!)…