I SAW YOU at the gathering of Your church today! .

February 10 2008

This morning I was reading So You Don’t Want to Go to Church Anymore? and God opened my eyes and a great burden was lifted from my shoulders (more on that later) and a great joy and peace and freedom dropped in its place… and suddenly I thought, “I don’t want to “go to church” anymore! - a great freeing thought. It took away the fear I have been under about all that phrase has suggested to me…

Anyway, I was reading and suddenly felt God telling me to close the book and pray along, there on my living room couch, with those praying at the “pre-church prayer meeting.” I felt called to pray for unity, peace, moving of the Spirit among them… and at the service this morning, too…

And I was wondering, should I “go to church?” And I just ask God to show me when (and if) the time came, and I asked God to walk with me this day and help me see His people the way He sees them. At 10:20 hubby said, “Oh no, we’re going to be late for church,” and got busy getting ready. I just felt myself smiling and suggested maybe we were being late because of God’s timing. Anyway, we got there – and put our “stuff” on “our chairs” … and got our coffee… and the special hot chocolate Robert gives me! – but I did not feel like going to my seat, even though the music had started.

So I sat at the back, on a step, and just watched. And it seemed to me that “church” was really happening at the back by the doors as people came in, and ___ was greeting them… and then there was ___ wandering around doing her smiley, huggy, happy, welcoming people thing… and a little native girl came up to me and just stared at me with her big serious beautiful dark eyes… and some of the pre-teen girls were in the corner happily giggling together… and a couple men were just enthusiastically chatting together about something… and when I had come in I had seen one of the men turn his chair around and take the hands of the man behind him and pray for him…and of course a few people were standing in their rows facing the front, listening to the music, and a few were singing along, and others just kind of listening, and little ones running about with happy smiles…

And suddenly it seemed to me like I was sitting in a quiet place, alone, like on a beach on a hot, quiet summer day without a breath of wind, like the world was holding its breath… and then a sudden breeze was arising from nowhere, and the leaves on the trees started rustling, and the air was becoming fresh and light, and there was a gentle feeling of joy and expectancy, like all of creation was happy…. And as I looked about the church – God’s people – I felt I could see Jesus walking about, and he was looking at the children playing, and the happy greetings, and the friendly chatter, and some singing while others just stood quietly, and all the things that some people so often think should not be happening in a church service… and He was smiling and happy, and walking among them, reaching out and touching the childrens heads~ stopping to listen and watch and smile, moving, no, mingling, in the midst of His church. And He was pleased with His people! Because they were being His church and He was among them and in them! It was so beautiful!

And then ___ spoke encouragement and affirmation… And ___ gave a “freebie” – a word from God that was not “planned” … and I was hoping upon hope that more of this freedom in Jesus is coming…

And I was a bit disappointed when the “sermon” started… and I was, for a moment, distressed when I heard the words, “Let’s embrace this building that God has given us” – because God had just freed me from the whole building thing…

Yet just this moment John said, “God has set you free… and God has need of you in His kingdom…

And I realized that He has His own plans and purposes for each of us… and that for some it may be in this building and system… and for others it may be not in this building and system… yet each of us are His church, His body… and He will use us for His kingdom and He will integrate us into His church, and into Him.. into the relationship He has for us, His love, His wonderful plan for our lives, exactly the way we are, not leaving us the way we are but bringing us, holding our life, into the person, the good things, He has for each of us. (I’m writing what John is preaching! So this “sermon” is part of God’s plan for me, today, too… and it is encouraging me, because I’m here just because this is where He wants me today, and I’m not worrying about one moment into the future but waiting with anticipation for wherever each moment, each step with Him, takes me.

Thank You, Lord, that You love m3, Father! Thank You for Your Son’s sacrifice, for Your Holy Spirit to comfort and guide us. Thank You that I am always in Your Presence, wherever Your plans and purposes take me in any moment of time.

Lord, please heal and encourage Scott!

God, I don’t think I’ll be here much longer.. but whatever happens, I want only to be where You are, at the center of Your will, in total relationship with, and trust in You.

…… I don’t get how taking notes – “diligently” even – is participating in the life of the church. It could be if they were recording questions which they were able to ask (or insights they were able to share) right there in that service. I mean, it’s good to be able to go back and review what you heard – I’ve done that myself – but mostly it’s just me… it’s not body life, not relationship, not sharing with the family.. (or even with Father necessarily!). There have been a couple times where I’ve later been able to go back and look up “information” for someone… but that’s only a couple or maybe 3 times out of maybe hundreds of sermon notes….