Papa! Jesus! Sarayu! (Wind!)
I just woke up this morning feeling finally free to address You with names that a child uses freely to address her beloved Father; and to address the One who loves her so much that He has given His very life for her so that He is indeed her elder brother whom she adores with all her heart and longs to be with and look up to and emulate and worship!...
the One whom she loves to be with as they walk together through the glorious, awe-inspiring garden of His Creation, the One who picks her up and cradles her in his arms and protects her and soothes her aching and sorrowing being – heart and soul, when she stumbles into the briars of life or even, especially, when she walks through the valley of the shadow, who reaches out with his staff and pulls her lovingly back from the precipice and into the fold and the rich green grasses of the verdant meadow of His boundless love – and brings her back and loves her unconditionally – because she is already covered, robed, wrapped, washed in the utter forgiveness and mercy of his life-blood sacrifice and she is is is His child – no matter what!
And in His love, He wraps her, fills her to overflowing with His Spirit, His breath that flows, eddies, shimmers, twinkles, embraces her heart, her whole life and being, Who draws her in so close into the great unending, eternal, immensity of the love that is Him – Papa, Jesus, Sarayu – the God who is, the great and only I Am Who I Am, the I Will Be Who I Will Be, the perfect love that, yes, fills all that exists, that is created, and yet all that is still only a dust mote in Him who Is, the Three who are together the One from Whom is is all Life, all Love, all Truth, all Wisdom and Knowledge, all!!
Now I’m laughing! Here I was, trying to talk to You about my concerns, when I woke this morning, about my struggles in relating to “Jesus” (and my thankfulness to You for really becoming a “Papa” to me! - and my gratefulness for You, Sarayu… I like to call You that, because “Holy Spirit” sometimes seems so… well so “holy!” in a removed-from-reality and too-holy-to-be-worthy-of-approaching kind of way… and to say “the Holy Spirit” takes away Your Person, your reality… makes You, somehow, more of a “force” (You are so NOT like electricity flowing through power lines from God to us… though You are Power, animate, alive, enlivening everyone, everything You touch… oh I do not have words, metaphors, pictures, ideas that even minutely do You justice [any of You!] but oh my goodness, You ARE!!) – anyway, thank You, Sarayu, wind, great storm, gentle breeze, ever flowing, alive, loving, bringing Your [all three, One] Life and Love into mine!!
Oh. Now I’m really laughing because it took me a whole page to get around to saying, “Thank You for once again taking me down Your path instead of mine! (And for letting me still say, “But, but… I wanted to say..!!” Ha! You’re probably laughing at – okay at and with in a lovely if slightly embarrassing way
Seriously (so why am I still so happy?!!!)…. But seriously with You it is hard to “be serious! Stop grinning! Settle down!” Seriously with You seems, I’m just realizing (here You go again! dragging me off MY path! Hurrah! ) , to be always wrapped up in laughter and joy and dancing and lovely scents and babbling brooks and peaceful, safe, secure moments, even in the midst of the most serious and dreadful of times, with my head laying against Your chest, Your arms of love wrapped warmly and securely around me, Your Peace wrapping around the storm and the pain like a huge, soft, blanketing Comforter in the middle of my life’s worst nightmares.
No wonder I love so much to crawl into bed at night, snuggle down, nestling my head into my big soft feathery pillow, drawing the nice warm blankets snugged tight around me, drawing my legs up and my arms in, like a baby in its mommy’s womb… because that is a wonderful shadow-land of what it is to be wrapped in, carried in, protected in, given Life and Love – in You! Wow! Thank You! Amazing! I love You, Lord! (And yes, “Lord” is also a wonderful, real, true, living, Loving name for You, because oh! You ARE Lord! And I cannot help but worship You! My God! My One, my all! My being! Praise Your prefect Holy Name! (all of Your names!). May I dance? Dancing and laughter and perfect joy! Oh, thank You! Crazy! I love You! You are awesome!!!!
P.S. I just had a flash, a picture of Jesus and me dancing around together in a field, holding hands, whirling and twirling and laughing. And falling down breathless in the grass, and laying there looking up at the clouds, naming the creatures in the cloud shapes and laughing together. I’m don’t think I’m going to have trouble any more “relating to” You, either, dear dear sweet wonderful Jesus! Thank You! (All of You, dear God!)
(I also woke up this morning remembering that it’s a New Year and I don’t yet have a “plan for reading through the Bible.” Well!! I love reading through Your Word over and over again! It’s the word “plan” that sometimes kind of “eats at me.” Do You think it would be okay – ha! ha! Why am I asking? The thought, I am sure, came from You! - and yes, there’s a “little, nagging doubt” about that… but You aren’t into doubt or nagging, are You? Ho! Ho! That’s a relief! Thank You for showing me that! Yes, You do speak Truth to our (my!) heart and mind… but not through controlling negativity! Okay!
So! As long as You lead me, I think I’ll just start reading at the beginning (“In the beginning…!”) and see where You take me.. in Your way, in Your plan, in Your Purposes… down Your path! With You! Papa, Jesus, sweet Holy Spirit! Amen! Halleljuah!
And yes, please feel free to BE in all of me. Yes, Please unite me into Your perfect circle of love. Thank You for Your relationship and for making a way for me to enter back into it right where You created me – all of us! – to be.