help me release my desires to You - with joy! And answers my prayers in YOUR perfect way....

October 21, 2007

Went to before-service prayer. I’ve been feeling so tired and numb. Yes, I’ve given up my hopes and dreams to You, and have been willing to accept Your will alone. But somehow I’ve also gotten so tired, and even confused, so I don’t know anymore what is priority or anything, so I just keep going “one step at a time”… and I do keep praying but what I didn’t realize is how I’ve become kind of numb – but maybe (which I really did not know) – helpless too? Anyway Pastor ___ said that You are going to do amazing unbelievable things and not to lose hope and to keep praying because You are going to answer… all the cries of my heart… is that right? really? Wow! Thank You!

Thank You for what happened in church this morning. Thank You for Your Spirit moving!

October 24, 2007

Father, I pray for the meeting at church tonight – that our people – Your body – will really repent, and pray – really pray – and humble ourselves and seek Your face, until You come down in the fullness for Your Spirit! Father God, so many of Your people pray for years and years to see true revival – and still it doesn’t come … at least not in their time; I guess it’s like the “men of faith” in Hebrews 11 – who kept trusting You to fulfill Your Word, even giving up their lives – and centuries later – many centuries later – in Your perfect time, You sent Jesus!

Oh Father, give me that kind of patient, unfailing faith that You do, will, are fulfilling all Your promises and answering prayer (I’m not quite sure how to phrase that – I don’t want to say “answering all my prayers” because, well, do I doubt You will? Or is it true (as I have, I think, accepted) that sometimes Your answer is “no” or “wait” because You do love me perfectly and You do see the long term and You do know what is best for me and them and You do know that what I really want is Your will because it is perfect – even (especially?) when it seems to go against the greatest “desires of my heart’ … (but it is right then that I should “let go” those desires, and kind of “dry up” emotionally… and end up kind of hiding my eyes in fear of disappointment or sorrow at not seeing those desires… no there’s something really wrong there… oh God, help me release “my” desires to You… with joy! that You are doing what is best! With faith like those Hebrews 11 saints! No matter what happens or how it looks to me!