February 28, 2009
I was thinking about fasting again. I’ve decided to add candy and desserts and sugary snacks to facebook and TV. I was wanting to start eating a lot more veggies but now we are short of cash. What to do? Lord? Should I do some tutoring or babysitting?
My tummy is really sore these days - ulcers again, I’m thinking. Hubby says to phone the doctor on Monday and make an appointment. I can’t do a total fast with this tummy pain.
Obviously I haven’t been praying in a focused (or much otherwise) way for some time. Even my journal entries are “bare.” I am feeling a lot alone! You have been gracious in giving me the Upper Room coffee times, plus services at church from time to time, and the Truth series (but at the end of each Truth video, people who don’t immediately leave, seem to pull into little groups and I just can’t bring myself to “break in” … I wonder if there is a message for me - from You - in there? Like “be friendly yourself” … or “I’ve released you… so it’s time to move on… or??).
Plus I had that long coffee time with my friend ___, and coffee with a former student, and the girls’ night out, and coffee with ___ (unexpected! nice surprise!), and coffee and potluck at ___’s, and ___ giving me a ride home the other day, and meals with ___ and ____… Goodness! A LOT more social life/ fellowship now than in the past…Daily… often unplanned…
And yes, I do sometimes feel at bit “at sea” without predictable, planned “programmed” events! I’d really like to have (or go to) a house gathering (Sunday-soup style, but visit after, share, etc)… (and invite the street ministry church in the park in for pancake breakfasts…)
Or maybe You just want me to be patient and take it day by day, and keep my eyes open for the opportunities You send? (Which obviously I haven’t even been recognizing and appreciating in many cases till hindsight kicks in… like all those fellowship times I just listed!).