Friday, 13 March 2009

Released. to a different way

January 24, 2009 again

Dear God (Dear Papa, Jesus, Sarayu...)

Tonight I went to the prayer time with people from church.

People prayed for forgiveness - for our church - for gossip, pride, speaking without love, jumping to conclusions, speaking in the flesh rather than in Your Spirit, being controlling, etc... all the things I have complained about... and, I see now, have myself been very guilt of doing. I AM sorry...

(I didn't pray out loud - again, as usual, lately - because every time I open my mouth, it seems like bad stuff comes out - does that mean my heart is evil?... well I'm not sure if it's "evil" that comes out - but it sure seems to be "foot in mouth disease" - no matter how much I've prayed, sought Your Word... so I'm wondering - maybe I'm not meant to be part of this church discussion?) (Unless, rather, I am full of - well, hypocrisy, filth, selfishness, evil... Oh dear God, I don't want to be... but if I am, I'm sorry - You know I am! - and I'm just going to ask this once more, and really trust You for it: please cleanse my heart and help me love Your family like You do: Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit. Please. Thank You.)

Someone prayed that You will send the church a wonderful worship team, and lots of people to help with Sunday School, and someone else prayed for a Youth Pastor and wife... and so on... and dear God, here I've been so happy to see the way You've been using all Your people to share, to participate, even if it isn't "fancy" ... but when those requests were prayed, there was this kind of resounding "Amen!" from so many of the people there...

And then I heard Your very quiet voice - releasing me (finally)... not that this church is going in a wrong direction, but that You use a variety (wide variety!) of ways to build Your church and Your kingdom, and that You've just called me to a different way...

And I don't have to "worry about" this church anymore. You ARE in control, and they are Your people, and tonight's prayer was a breakthrough, and You have brought peace... but my time here (at least in the way of my past "involvement") is done...
And my "grandma" time is beginning....

(And right now the enemy is really trying hard to make me doubt and second-guess... I know it is you, satan! "Get behind me, satan" - in the name of Jesus! Please protect me, dear God, in Jesus' name, and by the covering of Your blood, Jesus, and by the power of Your Spirit. Please help me put on all Your armor and stand firm).
And please put Your burning coal on my lips... and purge them! (And purge my heart from which comes the words on my lips). Please. Thank You.

(My back WAS hurting sitting on that chair - it happens when my legs hang down too long... but I really didn't need prayer for that... and those who prayed knew that... and it was confirmed in __'s word... O Lord, please heal my spirit and emotions and... anger and hurts that I sense right now that I am still in some way holding onto. Please. And thank You).

(And oh Lord. Please use my writing too. And my love of learning and sharing and thinking. And my love of children - of little ones, of those who need a grandma or a mom... I love You, Lord! Amen!)

(And oh.. I think that Philippians 3 and 4 ARE Your Word... but for me, especially, rather than for the church generally... which is maybe why You held me back from giving those "words" on my heart from You - maybe that other message too... I better go back and check it out tomorrow morning!)
Thank You! Dear God!

Please help me sleep soundly, with sweet and precious dreams, Lord! Please protect my husband at work, and all my children and their families, wherever they are tonight. And please bring my children and their families (extended ones too) completely to You. Soon! (In Your perfect timing, Yes! That's soon enough... Help me to keep praying and trusting! Thank You for doing so much already in all of their lives).
In Jesus' name, Amen! Bedtime....

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