January 25 2009
So other things I did today: Went for a walk in the beautiful fresh air and sunshine... too bad the minus 7 felt a whole lot colder with the windchill! Didn't stay out too long after all!
I am feeling relieved where I'm at with the whole "church" things. I feel relieved like I felt a year ago when You released me from the whole "school" thing. I feel I can still be friends - maybe even "family" outside the "system" (hopefully), be part of things You lead me to - but not be "obliged" I guess... and not wrapped up in the "politics." (Hmmm... when you set up an organization, with a political kind of framework, I guess you're just asking for politics... )...
We drove past "the church" while the "congregational meeting" was on, and it looked like a big turnout. I was glad I didn't go: I would have probably been tempted to speak up... and would probably have gotten stressed... and probably would have thereby become part of the "politics" .... and I just can not go there anymore.
In the past, You really showed me how Your people can be found in all different "denominations" (and "non-denominations" too... hmmmm???), with all kinds of different "liturgical styles" and even with different "distinctives" - and then, between home schooling and Christian School-ing You showed me that "traditional" ways and methods and even "philosophical positions" aren't necessarily the "right" ways (or at the very least, not necessarily the "only" ways)... and for awhile I got very "anti-system" - unfortunately to the point of becoming personally arrogant and even very judgmental of others, I'm sorry to say.
But now... I'm thinking that You are very patient, and very creative, and You use use many different ways and means to accomplish Your eternal, unchanging purposes... and even with our weaknesses, and us trying to do things our own ways, You do bring good - and You do fulfill Your purposes! You do!
So I can relax and let You work with "this church" (and others!) the way it is - so many good things can be seen happening if one only looks: growing love and increasing forgiveness; learning to pray and depend on the Holy Spirit; moving more into repentacne and humility... Of course there is still a long way to go... And You have a lot of work to do in us (and hopefully through us as well)... When I listened to those folks pray last night, I saw changing attitudes, and growing humility - and hope - and I even felt very small myself, seeing how some folks seem so close to You (compared to me!)...
And I do think You are moving hubby and me away from here, from this whole place, quite soon... but meanwhile... perhaps it is good to be loosening the apron strings already ahead of time eh? And maybe You have something very new and different for us - maybe a new direction, even before we actually move.
Lord, hubby really wants a job in place before we move - please provide, if that is Your will! Thank You! Goodnight!