February 5, 2009
In the past few days, some of my children have come right out and told me how they feel about church, and what they believe… and I’m so happy to have them sharing that with me!
But at the same time that nagging little voice has been getting on my shoulder… and making me “worry” (instead of trusting You)… making me want to shake them, and holler, “But it’s not about church! It’s about you and God! He loves you! He wants relationship with you! etc etc etc”
Still, it seems like somewhere along the line, they did get the idea that it’s “all about church” (and I know they aren’t thinking of the church as Your family, Your body, Your family… but the religious, organizational, system-riddled, too-often hypocritical and harsh and insensitive structures that have been added on … and have often obliterated You and Your body…). (And I think that the “churches” that we attended were actually “not so bad compared to some”…)
But when I look back to when I was their age, I too had somehow gotten pretty much the same idea… and I know so so so many people who are in the same boat (though some apparently have had wonderful experiences! Maybe have really gotten to KNOW YOU early on… not so slow as I’ve been…)
Anyway, I guess it’s not really surprising my kids are confused and hurting… and what maybe worries me the most is that I’m probably not being much help to them, because I’ve been confused and hurting too… and I haven’t been able to give them “happy, happy, joy, joy, simple answers” but instead I seem to have passed on my own pain and confusion (so maybe theirs is my fault to a large degree… oh dear… sorry)…
And at the same time, it seems like I haven’t been able to pass on much if any of the amazing love I’ve found in You (and actually in a lot of Your people too!)… the amazing “knowing You” that has been coming out of my past pain and confusion … (maybe because it’s too late? … after they’ve already grown up and moved out…) …
Or maybe after all, they actually need to get to KNOW YOU THEMSELVES! … and all I can do is keep loving them, praying for them, and sharing You (and Your love, Your amazing reality in my own life) when YOU give opportunity – in Your way, Your timing… Your will and purpose and plan!
Yes, Lord. Please take care of my babies – YOUR babies!