Try out another church? .... "cultural" differences (or something else?)...

Saturday, May 17….

Email to a friend….

Hubby finished his course yesterday (and it was our 26th anniversary too!). And today he started his new job at the hospital! That was his number one choice, and we really prayed the Lord would provide the job HE wanted him to have! So Wow! My husband is happy!

I don’t know… I think hubby works tomorrow morning again… he really seems to want to find something else church-wise… he really wishes to meet with other native people, especially… though I don’t know if there is anything like that around here… maybe he’ll just have to start some kind of get-together rather than “church” … we went to Bethel Pentecostal because the pastor there was our pastor up in our native community years ago and he and hubby got along well… but this was a big church with an average age of about 70 and really, really quiet and reserved, not at all what hubby expected from a Pentecostal church (same denomination he got his Bible School education from)… so I don’t think we’ll go back there again… ___ go there once in a while because their kids are in the youth group…

The “New Beginnings” church, where our school is located, is really exploring being more “missional”, more involved in the community, moving out of their comfort zone, moving out of the “church is a Sunday service” thing… I was kind of thinking about checking out what is happening there…

Hubby was disappointed when mom first passed away, that even though we sent a note to the church when it first happened (which was a Wednesday), we didn’t get a single phone call even (though after 3 or 4 days ___ sent me a personal e-card, but it wasn’t a “church” recognition)… then they did pray for us at church, but we weren’t there because we had relatives coming and going and stuff… but then they brought over food from the church potluck and told us that they had been praying for us, so hubby felt a bit better about it… when dad died, that’s what they did, brought over food too… this time they actually stayed and visited for an hour or two, but when dad passed away they just dropped food off… and after dad died, I was at church and had told them my dad died, and they didn’t even say a prayer and not a single person said a thing even though they knew… and nobody came by… so when mom passed away and there didn’t seem to be any response, hubby took it really personally.

I think it is because in his culture everybody takes turns to come and be with the family, there is someone there day and night for the first couple weeks, they do cooking and housecleaning, handle phone calls and planning the memorial service and meal, have a service in the home every evening where everybody comes to give comfort… so for him our “city” way of handling these things was a real shock. (In fact, if the person is sick beforehand, people are there helping out then, too). I told him it really is cultural, that it would most likely be like that in pretty near any church around here… I told him probably looking for “a different church” wouldn’t solve the problem, and that if he really wants closeness we should probably start by reaching out to people ourselves and open our home for people to meet for meals and stuff…

I think maybe he doesn’t think that would work so well because even the Sunday Soup thing mostly attracts mostly just really lonely people like old people and young singles who need companionship and like to eat someone elses food lol! Well, maybe that really is the ministry God has for us right now, but I think hubby really misses having “family” around, I mean like people of all ages, real extended family/ community, not just a certain “group” based on age or whatever… again a cultural thing, I think… our society is so fragmented that way… (was it always like that?...)

So I don’t know, it seems to me that maybe what we’re “missing” isn’t a “good church” so much as “family/community” – and that is much harder to reproduce in a busy town and society like this, compared to a small village where everyone knows each other and there aren’t so many job and entertainment and other distractions, and you are in walking distance of everybody and everything…

So maybe going around “church shopping” isn’t the way to fix the problem… and maybe this is just another indication that God has other plans for us than staying here… on the other hand, sometimes we have to step out of our comfort zone, too, and take part in “culture” that we aren’t used to… ha, ha, you are lucky you live on the other side of town, because if you were close I would probably be walking over all the time to bug you!

I am finding now that mom is gone, and I'm no longer visiting her almost every day, that I have a “hole in my schedule” that I don’t quite know what to do with… and I feel like I am kind of starting to “wake up” after a long, long kind of zombie-like state, and wanting to really get involved in life again! I am also looking forward to no longer “school teaching” … but it kind of scares me too, because school teaching can be a really life-encompassing thing with so much preps and marking and extra-curricular events, and then suddenly it will be gone, and the thought of “what now?” is kind of weird!

We would have loved to have our church family at the funeral, of course it was in in our former community (where mom and dad lived for so long), a bit out of the way, and people are busy. ___ came to my dad’s funeral, though, but they were the only Abundant Life people at either funeral. But I am beginning to realize through all this that I don’t get involved in people’s lives either. A real wake-up call.

I did A LOT when we lived in our native community because everybody was close, not just relatives and stuff (though it did seem like everybody was related!) but geographically close, so you would see people all the time, at the store, post office, etc… and you could just walk to anyone’s place… and the pace of life was just slower generally so it was easier to make time… both when people were in trouble… but also just everyday, so much easier to drop by for a cup of coffee or whatever.

I wonder how we can work that out in a larger place, where people are NOT closely related, where we live far apart and getting here and there isn’t so easy, where we all have such busy lives with jobs, organizations, family, clubs, hobbies, etc etc etc… but the funny thing is, I bet lots of people are just sitting there quietly at home, wishing someone would phone or come by… so why don’t I DO that? I do feel sometimes that people will not be comfortable with me dropping in, or even with short notice, some people don’t like you coming by if their house isn’t all nice, and some people do have such busy lives and extra people are a disturbance to them… so how does one know? But when it comes down to it, we, as Christians, are FAMILY so why is it so hard for us to act like it? Of course, lots of people have in their personal lives experienced brokn-down family so maybe that makes it hard for them too… How can I start?

Oh, well, we did have a good turnout of relatives and my mom and dad’s friends at the funeral, more than we expected actually! My mom was very loved by so many people, she was every one’s “mom.” I used to wish I was like her, but she was special, one of a kind, she never had any trouble being family with anyone at all!

Well, hubby's probably going to be working a lot of Sundays, so he probably won’t be at “services” much…but it is getting together with folks that makes him happy (ie not formal services) so if we can get some of that going, maybe he’ll be happy… of course, some folks think summer is the time to shut things down… whereas I think it is the most awesome time to get together because its so beautiful out and folks can barbeque, picnic, camp, have coffee at sidewalk cafes, go to the beach… the best “life groups” I can remember were the outdoor picnic/barbeque kind where folks just visited, sang favorites along to someone’s guitar, shared simply what God was doing in their real lives, prayed for each other… hmmm…