pondering church leadership....

April 3, 2007

I received an email from ___. ___ said (via ___) “that in all aspects of your faith he sees you as a great leader and not just a follower, thank you for always speaking God’s Word into our lives at just the right times!!!””

Well… You know I’ve been kind of struggling with the whole “leader” concept. First, You are the leader, and I fear with our emphasis on leadership we too easily lose sight of that. And then, You know my terrible struggle with my pride, and how my desire for recognition and affirmation (from others, not just from You) constantly tried to rise up in me and add to my pride (or threatens to cause bitterness if I don’t receive it). And You know I’ve already talked to You about the pressure I’ve felt to “be a leader” and how it seems to me that the corollary is that if one isn’t an effective, positioned, recognized leader, somehow one has failed.

I think we as Christians (in general) too often get caught up, without even realizing it, in the power structures of the world. No wonder Jesus talked about it so much. Do we really know what it is to be a servant? To be last of all? to really sacrifice? To wash each others feet?

I believe it is alright to be a follower! In fact, Jesus said Mary had “chosen the best thing.” She was the ultimate follower, just sitting quietly at Jesus’ feet, soaking up his every word, growing in His grace and love. It was she who “washed his feet” with her hair after anointing him with oil. What a potent picture of love and servant-hood. Yet her sister Martha, in also trying to “serve” had fallen into the trap of worldly “servant” leadership, rushing about doing this and that until she was exhausted, and demanding that others join her in the “work” … “encumbered about with much serving.” I feel so often that as I have “striven” to be a “leader” (ha! A “good Christian!”) I have attracted Your attention Lord – but not Your approval! I hear You gently but firmly chiding me, stopping me… “Martha, Martha…” “Norma, Norma…”

I am so tired of “leadership structures” and “leadership teams” and “leadership teachings” and leadership being held up as the goal and as somehow the paragon of Christian virtue. It is not Your way, Lord. Truly, You are the leader… and we are the followers. Isn’t that what the word “Christian” means – “Christ followers”?

I’m tired. I want to be Mary, listening to You, and washing your feet (and the feet of others) in the most humble (even despised by the world, as she was) ways possible. I don’t want to be acclaimed, in the spot light, running about, organizing other people’s lives, setting up and supporting “structures.” I just want to love You and others, as You have commanded and as You have set the example by loving me.

Oh dear Lord, please forgive us. Please forgive me. Please help me to be only what and who You want me to be – just a servant-follower of Yours, with You doing Your works and maybe, sometimes, having the totally undeserved yet joyful and blessed privilege of You doing Your work through me, so as perhaps to “lead (!) some soul to You” . (Even then it’s really You calling… and I’m just Your humble – and, I hope, truly loving – tool, servant, messenger, witness.)