You using me (in my weakness, fear, trembling)... Thank You!

September 19, 2004

Yesterday at our study group, I talked about You, Holy Spirit, and about Your place and power and needfulness in our lives. You know how I feared to do it, Lord - and I certainly did not have a miraculous experience such as having Your words just pouring out of my mouth, or people casting themselves before You (though there were some tears). Indeed, I taught the lesson in weakness, with fear and trembling. But I know that some people told me they were blessed, and oh, Lord, what a blessing were the words ____ shared, the words You gave through her! What I could not clearly express, she spoke forth with love, clearly and boldly, yet also with trembling.

Lord, Your truth, Your life, Your power is totally worthy of our fear and trembling! We are so totally weak in the light of Your glory and power. How wonderful and amazing that You deign to bring Your Presence into the room with us, Your totally unworthy servants - and yet, Your children, by Your amazing, unspeakable love and grace!

Oh, thank You, Lord! It has been so long since I have been able to open my heart to You this way. Only yesterday, I gave my all to You, willing to - yes - take nothing, seek nothing, expect nothing in return. And how You have already blessed, in ways I never imagined, or even at first recognized! Thank You for so many wonderful ways You have made Your love and presence clear to me in all my ordinary activities! Amazing! Thank You for opening my eyes to see the numerous blessings I have somehow become blind to in my daily life.

I left the group feeling that perhaps I had failed. But no, that is not right, for it was not "I" that presented Your Word. It was You, only graciously using me. Lord, often it even seems strange to me that You would trust me enough to use me, for I am so weak and so apt to get in Your way. And yet this is what I asked You for yesterday, what I most desire, that I will not get in Your way, and that I may be Yours only, to become dissolved into Your will, way, purposes, love.