Monday 9 March 2009

What worship is really about.... and apologizing to the church

July 15, 2002

What I said to the P. church last night when I got up and sang…

“Therefore, I urge you brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer yourselves as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – His good, pleasing and perfect will.” (Romans 12:1-2…

And I realized – it doesn’t really matter what kind of liturgy, or program, or music style, or drama, or prepared or spontaneous prayers, or other methods of worship me use – the only important thing is that we give up all that is of value to us personally, all that we base our personal self-worth upon, and that we, like Peter, sinking into the water in the midst of the storm, lift our eyes and focus on Jesus alone, crying out to Him, “Lord, save me!” If we don’t do that, we will end up sinking and drowning, even with Jesus standing there before us, reaching out to us. The most important thing in our worship – the only important thing – is to serve and glorify the awesome God we serve.

And the only way we can do that is by being transformed – allowing God by the power of His Holy spirit to take everything that we humanly value and allow Him to change us into the image of His Son, our precious Savior, Jesus.

For me right now, giving up my human self-worth means saying “I’m sorry” to people in this church whom I have hurt by not being sensitive to their personal feelings. It means obeying the Lord, and coming back, and sharing what God has put on my heart, begging the Lord to help me do it with love and compassion, while not softening the message just to gather human commendation and approval. It means listening to, reflecting upon, and asking God to help me accept as correction that which He shows me truly comes from Him through His servants, even if it hurts. And to pray for them, and love them. So I say to all of you whom I have hurt – I’m sorry.”

Afterwards, in obedience to the Lord (but not very enthusiastically or willingly – well, I had to will myself to do it, and almost went home first!) I went to and hugged ___. He squeezed me like a vice and said he appreciated what I said. I felt relieved it was over and put in the past. I didn’t “feel” much else. But it was a good service, and the songs and the sermon all flowed and I do believe God gave me those words…

So I woke up this morning wondering why it hurt me so much. Maybe I thought I had already given up everything there was to give up… but obviously I have a serious “hanging onto self-worth problem”…. I don’t know… maybe it was an attack against my personal perceived “ability” spiritually. I guess I have thought I am “spiritual” and “look down” on people who seem to me to have major “spiritual flaws” or whom I think are more spiritually immature than they should be… a “judging” spirit in this particular area that I didn’t really “get” …

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