July 7 2002
Since all this stuff happened at the P. church, all the stuff bottled up inside got me all confused. I felt like what was said was an attack on my relationship to God. I really did pray and seek God’s will before becoming involved in that ministry, and I didn’t get involved till the pastor invited me. Then all of sudden I was the bad guy, apparently upsetting all that the church believed in and stand upon, according to ___! It was really, to me, an attack against all that I had thought God was telling me.
(Well, where do attacks come from? And why wouldn’t there be attacks if it really came from God, and the enemy was afraid? But what if he was really right, and I was really wrong? Maybe I was being presumptious since I’m a divorced woman and my kids are not following the Lord perfectly… so the thoughts went round and round in my head… Tonight the Pastor preached on fighting the enemy, and it brought back all the stuff I learned from the red book… I have been attacked in the thought realm… and I haven’t been using the power of the Holy Spirit as I should… Oh dear God, help me… and I must forgive them and pray for them and love them… and remember TTT! Things Take Time. And I need to keep on listening to the Spirit and the Word of God moment by moment – and obeying, even if it means standing up for the truth – in a spirit of Love!
Oh Lord, transform our community. And, Lord, begin by transforming me. (Every where I turn the last couple days, even in “non-Christian” home school books, I am reminded over and over about the need for forgiveness and for repentance: for turning and going in a new direction, not just feeling sorry, but going out and doing the new way – God’s way (not mine!).