A new grandchild.... checking out another church... am I "striving?"

March 27, 2001

Here I am again in the maternity ward TV room waiting for my daughter. It seems every day we are here there are new moms and babies coming and going. Did you know that they let babies go home now between 8 to 24 hours? Even C-section moms seem to stay only 2 or 3 days. So our little grandson is really an exception around here. But it is such a blessing that our daughter is able to have her baby staying at a hospital so close to home, these many weeks. It is lovely to watch her with baby. She just loves him so much…

Sometimes I keep wondering about taking my kids up to the Vineyard Church, but I don’t feel any strong leading. I keep thinking of the sermon ___ preached about people who go from church to church and complain about all the churches. I don’t know – compared to “dry times” in the past (could I have changed that if I had “chased” God harder? Been more passionate? I wonder?) the churches here are pretty good – but, oh how I’d like to see more enthusiasm, passion, chasing God, taking hold of His power and love, and reaching out to the lost in the community…

April 1 2001

My daughter was awfully tired this morning so we ended up just dropping her off at the hospital where she slept in the TV room for quite awhile before visiting with baby. The rest of us went to the Vineyard Church. The girls went to the youth group and met some people right away, whom they sat with in church. My son and I sat in on a before-church prayer time.

Service started about 10:20. It was quite different from anything we are used to, but certainly enjoyable…. There was a nice quiet time at the end to go forward (or stay in your seat) and receive (and be prayed with if you went forward)…. I kind of leaned back and I asked God to let me receive His rest – I needed it so much. Maybe I have been “striving” – I don’t know – I have just wanted more and more of Him – I don’t think “I” was trying to do the work instead of just “receiving” … but maybe I have been…. I don’t know about this, because I think I have always been a bit wary of “physical/ feeling manifestations” – but it seemed as I sat back, relaxed, my hands in my lap but open toward God, that I felt as though I was being touched very lightly around the back of my head and shoulders and then kind of wrapped around… like by a feather-light, fluffy, exceedingly gentle fluffy could. And I did feel, I think, RESTED….

Oh, before the service, a lady welcomed me, and chatted a bit. I mentioned about my daughter’s baby, and then she prayed a lovely prayer for the baby – and also for me, that God would arrange my schedule in such a way that I could provide my daughter the transportation she needs – and that He would provide for the financial needs around that as well. I have not been admitting it, but I have been feeling kind of sad at that thought of not going up to see baby each day… So how did she know to pray that way?? Lord?