liking to be involved in REAL BODY LIFE!... it takes a village.... good memories from the rez., and "Indian church".... I'm turning a corner!

February 16, 2007

I was thinking about how ____ were so puzzled about the way my hubby doesn't get much involved in "church activities" even when he is home for extended times (except he really did like "Sunday Soup" and is interested in Saturday evening get-togethers, possibly... and he liked to go to ___s group at least sometimes when it was held at the Cannery Coffee shop, in a small group on comfy couches and easy chairs... and casual New Year's eve parties... and he sort of liked that beach party... and he was happy to go all the way up the valley on Saturday mornings to J&S's... and he quite often liked to go to our last life group (led by J), once he really got to know the people (starting with J), and come to think of it, that is where he first seemed to open up! And he sure likes to go visit certain people... and I realized that my husband does like to be involved... in real body life!!! And lately he doesn't mind going to church services so much... but in the service itself, I see that he is focused on the Lord (I hear him so often lately praying quietly... I'm beginning to see that he really does have a relationship, a very personal one, with You, Lord... although it hasn't been easy for him to share it with me... isn't that what I've always felt badly about?... but maybe that "feeling badly" isn't right!!! What he doesn't share with me is formal devotional time, and long focused conversations on a single "religious" topic, and (oh dear), "discussions about people" (gossip! ack!).

When we were at ___'s on Saturday, he expressed that he felt that people were prejudiced against him because of his race, and pastors don't come to visit us because we are a "mixed race" marriage... and I was thinking, "No..."... but what I just realized is that there is some truth in what he is saying. It may not be outright prejudice, as we think of it, but what I think may be happening is a "cultural misunderstanding." My husband was brought up in a "village" and the rest of us weren't! And even though that village can be awfully dysfunctional in many ways (due in large part to historical reasons for which the "colonial power" is to blame -- yep, that would be us!) they still know and live in many ways what "family" and "body" really mean (Just like the "Jake book" talks about).

In my husband's village, everyone is related to everyone else. People mostly don't lock their doors. You want to see someone, you just walk over to their place and walk in, because you are family. You go into the kitchen and help yourself to a bowl of soup and cup of coffee or whatever. You go sit on the couch or at the kitchen table - with others, or by yourself, as you please. You play with the kids, or go throw a stick for the dog. If you're tired, you stretch out on the couch, or even in a bad, and have a nap -- all night if you like. If supper's ready, it's assumed you'll join in -- no invitation necessary. If you see someone's nannii (grandmother) walking by looking lost and bewildered, you'll know she has dementia (or whatever), and you go outside and wrap your arm around her, and talk to her, and bring her in or take her home because she's your nannii, too. If you see some kids outside having a fight, you go out and see about it, because they are your family, too. You live the old saying, "It takes a village to raise a child."

If someone in your family is very sick and needs "round the clock care," people just naturally drop by all the time, stay for awhile (even overnight) and help out however they can until the crisis is past -- and you would do the same for them. The same goes for funerals and weddings and other significant events. Everybody pitches in -- immediately. Nobody has to phone people to ask for help. The whole village knows instantly and are there. A wedding is a huge event, but everybody shares in the planning, the cooking, the sewing of outfits, the cost of hall rental... and at the end, after 500 or 1000 people have attended, you are not in debt!

And yes, there are meetings. And for certain kinds of meetings there are traditional, formalized roles. Planning for a wedding or a funeral, for example, everyone knows which "side" (Raven or Eagle clan) will be "in charge" of certain parts of the "ritual," and that is recognized at the "planning meeting." But it isn't like any meeting we go to. People decide to have the meeting, tell a couple other people, and an hour or two after the announced time, the people who need to be there start arriving (don't arrive on time! You'll be alone!). Everybody knows pretty much whose role is whose, and the village grapevine takes care of letting folks know (of course this also means you have no secrets... another story...!) People sit around and visit until the necessary people get there. Then the "meeting" is held, which is mostly a series of long, quite predictable, speeches, mostly by village elders, retelling the stories of family connections, and, as the situation fits, giving advice to the young couple, or offering condolences to the direct family, or whatever. It's a kind of formal recognition and reminder of family bonds. Then people formally say they will be responsible for this or that role in the upcoming events. You don't ask people or twist their arms. Everyone knows who "traditionally" fulfills certain roles, or who has a particular skill (mine was making several hundred buns, or a few dozen pies, within a few hours!) so you are just expected to do that. But you are rarely expected to do it alone. (Yes, I'd be making all those pies... but all the flour, lard, apples, etc I'd need would start arriving at my doorstep -- and about the time I'd be ready to start, I'd often have a small army of helpers there to pitch in... some would actually help in the kitchen, some would take care of all the kids -- who of course would come with their folks -- and some would just sit and visit or whatever. It was a bit disconcerting at first, but pretty neat!).

Also, about those meetings... take "church meetings" for example... "church" was scheduled for a regular time and day. I'm told that in the old days, nearly the whole community would come out, but in my time it was a smaller group, mostly those who were either "devout" or "really believed" plus whoever had nothing better to do! -- though for special events there was always a big crowd, sometimes for days of meetings on end! The meeting might be set for 6 pm (most meetings, including "church", were held in the evening, so people could come after a day of work... there were Sunday meetings... Sunday School in the morning, or sometimes a "more formal/liturgical" Sunday morning service, mostly attended by white people; then a big evening service attended by everyone) and people would start drifting in about 6:30 and a couple people would start playing instruments -- lots of people played; you didn't have to be "good" -- and a sing-song would start, people calling out favourites, other people standing to give a testimony, someone standing to ask for prayer and anointing, someone reading a scripture, someone sharing a "preachimony" (something the Lord had shown them from Scripture or whatever). Around 7 or 7:30 when most folks had arrived, the leader (sometimes a pastor, but if one wasn't available, then a volunteer, would "start the meeting" with welcoming words, a prayer, any announcements, etc (People would just stand and make their own announcements).

Then someone would "lead" in a few songs -- there wasn't a formal worship team or song leader, but people with musical gifts/skills would "lead" though it wasn't very formal, and other than a couple pre-chosen songs (often "pre-chosen" on the spot as the Spirit led) there would continue to be favourites, testimonies, prayer, etc. The "band" was whoever happened to come with their instruments, and there were rarely formal practices, except for very special events, though nearly every home had instruments, and impromptu jam sessions happened frequently! Finally, the pastor (or preacher for the evening... guest speakers were always eagerly sought out, and the pastor was always encouraging people to speak if the Lord had laid something on their heart) would preach! Because this was a traditionally "oral" culture, people learned how to speak well (because they spoke often with each other, and there were all those opportunities to practice by giving testimonies, etc... and there was respect for elders, which included respect for preachers!). A sermon could easily last an hour or even an hour and a half.

Of course kids were in the service, and if they got tired, they'd have a nap, or play quietly with a toy (you just brought some along) or whatever. People would pick up other folks' little ones, and hug them or play finger games with them or whatever (everyone was family, genetically or in the Lord!). If it was really hot and stuffy, or there were too many folks, the kids might go out and play out in the church yard, and a couple adults might go out and play with them -- whoever felt like it.

When the sermon was over, there would usually be an altar call, and that could go on for quite awhile, so while people were praying and seeking God at the altar and receiving counsel from Godly brothers and sisters, other folks would just start singing again. Most times folks would start wandering into the kitchen or fellowship room (depending where the meeting was held -- as often in houses as in a "church building") -- and pretty soon everybody would be sitting around having coffee and sandwiches (people just naturally brought food, whatever they felt like bringing -- you never knew what there might be. You could bring food or not as you chose, though most people brought something at least part of the time). Before others ate, people would always serve up a nice selection to every nannii or chinnii (elders/seniors) as a sign of respect. When everyone had eaten their fill, paper plates would be brought out, and everyone would help themselves to a sampling of the leftovers, to take home. It was a great insult to have to take home something you had brought! Again, people would gather up extra-large servings of take-home food for the elders, and also for people having difficulties or whatever, so they wouldn't have so much cooking to do for a while. Finally, everyone would help tidy up, and head home -- or maybe to each others homes for more visiting (in Inuvik, among the Inuit people, "church" would usually end about 10 or 11 pm, and then folks would often gather in homes till 3 or 4 am!).

When I started writing this, I did mention that my husband's village is pretty dysfunctional in many ways (high levels of drug and alcohol use, sexual abuse, physical abuse, etc And yes, much of that can be traced to family breakdown through cultural destruction, initially due to the smallpox epidemics (population drop from at least 10,000, possibly many more, to only a few hundred) followed by generations of residential schools, outlawing of traditional customs, harsh prejudice, imposition of foreign customs and religious practices, destruction of traditional economic practices, and much more.

But despite all that... and maybe in part because of it too... families are protective of each other -- sometimes, it appears, even co-dependently so. But it also clearly comes out of a long tradition that values and upholds family values and connectedness... not only in the nuclear family but in the extended family and in the entire village.

Another thing that I thought about is that many people see natives as being lazy, n'er-do-wells, because they often don't hold down 8-hour-a-day, 50-week-a-year jobs, and they often "drop out" of the white man's educational system, and they arrive late for the white man's meetings, and they often don't mow their yards or keep their houses looking "pretty" in the white man's manner.

But maybe it isn't laziness. Maybe it's a different approach to life. In my husband's village, when it's fishing season, or berry-picking season, or whatever, a lot of people pitch in and work like crazy. The whole family goes to the fishing camp or the berry patches, and everybody helps, until the job is done. The same thing happens when there is a crisis, like a death. Everybody pitches in, helps, cares, and not just for the day of the funeral, but for as long as it takes. Same with celebrations. And all those other "life events" that we associate with family and community. And then when things are quiet, they relax, go around and visit with each other, make music, do art (Haida art is world-famous). Yes, there is a lot of alcoholism and stuff... but you'd probably be amazed to see all the "drunks" get together when there's going to be a community event, and sober up, and come out an pitch in with everyone else.

(And maybe they are "lazy" because they have had stolen from them their livelihoods, their lands, their traditional ways of living and surviving... and have not been given worthwhile options... just bits of useless land, often, and welfare cheques, and whiskey to drown their sorrows...)

(We had a pastor once, from "outside," who was terribly hurt because the people arrived late for church, and they wore muddy gumboots to church -- which were, by the way, a necessity much of the time in the "temperate rainforest" climate! He took it as a personal insult. "No respect," he felt. He, on the other hand, felt he was showing respect by inviting church members, family by family, to his home for meals... and feeding the white people upstairs in the dining room, but native families downstairs in the rec room, because, as he felt, native people live in dumpy houses and wouldn't feel comfortable in the formal dining room. I know this pastor meant well, but he related "being a Christian" to certain cultural standards he cherished, such as being on time, dressing fancy for church, and keeping your house perfect. And so he missed out on becoming part of a big family... and losing much of his "church family" in the process). (He's changed, by the way, over the years, Praise God! We know, because we keep running into him here and there!)

I do believe there is place for "ritual" in our life as a church family/body. But that ritual can easily vary from place to place and through time. In fact, I believe ritual/tradition is important, drawing people together in commonality and community But it is wrong to assume that your particular rituals are "more Christian" or whatever, than those of others. In my husband's village, the Anglican Church was the "village church" (back in the early days of white settlement, the denominations quite capriciously "divided up" the villages among themselves, and the native people were expected to follow the beliefs and rituals of whatever denomination was "in charge of" their village!). And every Sunday morning, the people would go and attend the traditional (white man's) liturgical service in the church building. Then, during the week, they'd meet in homes for "church army" where they'd have the kinds of meetings I've already described. And where do you suppose the "family life" of that group of Christians was lived out? While there is surely value in experiencing the "rituals" of others, we must not force "our way" thinking it is the best way! Jesus Himself only instituted two rituals for the church -- baptism and the Lord's supper -- and in his example, they were done very simply and quite informally! Baptism was a public joining of the family, and the Lord's supper was a public recognition of why this family exists at all -- the life and death and resurrection of Jesus, our Lord and elder brother and head! No sermons, no pastors (as we have them), no programs, no set liturgy, not even a set "pattern of worship," no worship team/leaders, none of the things we so commonly assume to be church (oh, and no buildings, highly paid clergy, etc...).

Anyway, when I was reading the "Jake book," I was, to be honest, having a hard time picturing "church/body life" working like that -- until I thought about my husband's village. And the thing is, even with all the dysfunction and conflicting traditions and expectations, not to mention poverty, etc, the family sense stays strong. Yes, people get angry at each other and stuff, but then they pull together again. I wonder -- if our "churches" as they stand now, were facing the level of difficulties faced in so many native villages, would the "family" life -- such as it is -- stand strong? And we have Jesus to lead us (if we let Him), not just our "traditions"... but so often we seem to rely on our traditions... which not only include our "order of service" and "building" and "clergy" and "programs," but also our urbanized, transient, individualistic, humanistic, institutionalized, age/education/job/gender/etc segregated lifestyle and values, that come from a society that is obsessed with individual "success" and wealth and control and all those other kinds of "self-actualization."

I wonder if there really is any way of effectively transforming the "institution" of the church... Yes of course there is -- by handing total control over to the head of the church, in loving submissive relationship.... which will change everything. And maybe we're afraid of change... not to mention really hating to give up doing things our way.

It seems that perhaps, ultimately, if you really want to experience church/body life the way Jesus spoke of it and modeled it, and the way the New Testament church lived it, you have to bail out of the institution. Or does Jesus sometimes keep some of the people "in but not of" the institutionalized church-- just as we are to live in, but not of, the world? (Both easier said than done... both really impossible without radical relationship with Christ... and thereby with the body of Christ).

I'm not about to run out of "my church" (unless my Lord clearly leads that way) but I'm sure going to think twice about signing onto all the program and structures and trying to "serve/minister" thereby, when Jesus is calling me to "love one another" and "go into all the world and preach the gospel."

So Lord God -- Heavenly Father, Lord Jesus, Holy Spirit -- my Lord and God! -- here I am. Please make me like Jesus. Please transform me so that I am "the church," so that I live in family/body sacrificial loving relationship with You and Your children, washed in Your blood and following You alone!

Thank You. I sense a great adventure, a new adventure, with You as my guide and helper, taking me into the joy of Your kingdom! Thank You dear Lord. Amen.

(I have to be careful. I sensed a bit of "pride" working its way into my writing just now... writing that was quickly becoming my words, not Yours. Please forgive me, Lord. Thank You. Amen.)