December 20, 2001
Praise God! Thank You, Jesus, for loving me and for sacrificing Yourself for me! How amazing and incredible and wonderful You are! Hallelujah!
One thing I’ve wondered about quite a lot is why I’ve been so “alone” this year in my walk with Jesus. I wonder why my husband shows little interest in sharing our walks with Jesus, together. I wonder why we don’t seem able to have “family worship” (though I do sometimes have good discussions and even little prayer times with some of the kids individually). I wonder why I am sent to churches here and there and all over, and do enjoy the worship (though rarely do I have hugely “emotional” experiences) and I have learned much from the preaching – but I seem almost “prevented” from making close friendships or becoming “deeply involved” in specific activities. My work and circumstances have mostly prevented me from attending Bible studies and prayer groups. The “church plant” in our community that sounded so attractive and exciting as a “ ministry opportunity” seems to have just evaporated.
All in all – sometimes I feel alone. I’ve wondered why. I’ve prayed and prayed for opportunities for “ministry involvement" and for a praise and worship and prayer group to belong to. And time just flies by – and my spiritual life continues, for the most part, to be “alone with God!” Oh, it has been a wonderful year of being alone with God – I have never, ever had such wonderful times with Him, grown so much in Him, come to love Him and trust Him (without having to be “helped” by the sharing and encouragement of others, and without the “support” of “positive emotional experiences.”) Still, I have wondered, “Why so alone?”
Well, today’s devotional articulated God’s answer – and how wonderful – and true – it is! Now I just want to say, “More time alone with You, Lord!” Thank You, Jesus! (It is so neat the way You are using the final Streams in the Desert readings to pull together this very incredible and wonderful year with You, dear Heavenly Father! You even used the very metaphor You have given me over and over this year: “eagle!” Thank You! Praise Your Holy Name!
Streams in the Desert, December 20: “Yet I am not alone, because the Father is with me.” (John 16:32). “But he who will fly, as an eagle does, into the higher levels where cloudless day abides, and live in the sunshine of God, must be content to live a comparatively lonely life.
…. But the life that is lived unto God, however it forfeits human companionships, knows Divine fellowship."
It’s okay to be deserted – even by other Christians! – because then we can really know that God is always there for us!