May 20, 2003
The alarm clock woke me out of an awful dream! Not a nightmare precisely, but all my “worst case scenarios” wrapped together!
“Out of control.”
Maybe it’s just me. Wondering what on earth is going to happen next. I mean about our family. I know God is in control. It’s just hard to sit and wait. Especially when your kids – whom a mom is hard-wired to protect – are getting hurt and you don’t know anything to do about it.
I guess I was hoping for some help from the life group – I was even open enough to tell them (briefly) what happened. All I got was a couple “ooohhhhs” – and a prayer from the leader in prayer time (I asked for it). I don’t know what I thought. Pastor always talks about how your group is there for you in times of crisis. I think ___ will probably (possibly?) call me for coffee…
But maybe it is just that God has a totally different plan, a better one, and He’s leading them not to interfere.
What to do? Nothing. Just be. Be Jesus’ disciple moment by moment. Let Him do the leading and guiding. In all of our lives. In Jesus’ name.
But I have to step out and DO some things. Relationship things mostly:
- a talk to the life group leader about why he so often cuts the worship time short or cuts it altogether (yes, I know – the other times go on longer than expected, and he wants to stop at 8). Am I not doing the job? When I feel God has really led me to say certain things or lead certain songs, and then there is no time – am I wrong?
- be more honest at life group – ask for help
- be more brave to pray – and to pray boldly as I feel the Spirit lead me
- ask the pastor for family counseling – long-term counseling
- if he can’t do it, find a way – possibly go to our doctor and ask for help or even go to that professional counselor lady – maybe use some tithe money? Lord?
- go to the pastor’s lessons on finance
- phone and offer to do Saturday night café at the 180 youth service