church activities.... exciting... but ....

May 27, 2003

I asked the life group leader about when we can get those print-outs for those personality profiles and he said he’ll do them for next week. I have been gradually coming around, since we did them, to accepting myself and my personality as I am, created by God for His purposes (so I wasn’t ready to get the print-out before… because I was angry about the way I am and wanting to be like others… my mom, for example). So I was pretty happy to finally start accepting myself… then they said last night about how once you realize (from the profile analysis) why you do certain things you do, you will find yourself changing in some ways, though your general personality type won’t change altogether. I wondered at that! Is that not accepting how God made you? Then it occurred to me that your personality type can be used for God’s will and purpose… but it can also be perverted by the enemy and your sinful nature to ungodly purposes … and those do need changing. So I am kind of excited to get that print-out.

June 8, 2003

God’s word to me during the 201 class, based on 1 John:

“Norma, don’t worry about what people think about you. They don’t know the real you. I know you. I know you perfectly. I know the purposes for which I created you. And I will fulfill My purposes in your life. I love you – when no one else loves you, I will always love you. Depend on me alone.”

June 9, 2003

Oh! Thank You, Lord, for cell group! Thank You! for honoring my invite to ___ – and her ready acceptance to come (along with her kids). And thank You! for helping me to prepare the songs – both the choice of songs, the music (forgive me for not practicing till the last moment…) and the commentary. Thank You! I believe You spoke through me (as well as to me personally)…

although I forgot somehow (oh – I didn’t avoid – did I? Lord? I think I was maybe reluctant to put my offering in because the pay cheque is getting small quickly… and here I signed that 90 day tithe-giving declaration at church on Sunday… oh Lord, help me see the truth of what is happening in my heart and mind… Help me to truly trust Your provision – so I really have a testimony of Your goodness and provision! Thank You! for always honoring when I have been obedient in tithing, even when I may have done it at least partly out of fear, or out of desperation of our financial situation!

Thank You for Your grace – Your freely given, undeserved blessing, so often given even when my motives have not been pure or clear… oh Lord, please help me to see the motives of my heart truly as You see them, and help me to repent and seek Your purification and holiness in my motivation of all I do “for You.” Thank You, Lord!

(Oh, is this going to require more testing? Ummm… I guess there’s no other way to really see if it’s happening… yep, trials and temptations are our opportunities to choose Your way or satan’s way… I’m tired Lord… the thought of more “opportunities” kind of wears me out.. but oh! Maybe the blessing! and joy! of (potentially… oh Lord, help me choose right!) choosing Your way will heal! and restore! and enliven! and – You know! make me leap and dance for joy – restore the “joy of my salvation!” and banish the weight of sorrow and of carrying my burdens alone and failing to trust You… forgive me, Lord… refresh me… help me to worship only You with all I have… spirit, soul, mind, material possessions… time, talents, treasures…