October 14, 2001
I still believe God has called me to work here in my own community – wherever that may be – I also feel that God has us here for preparation and rest, before moving us on and out for Him wherever He wants us… I want to go with You, Lord! I want to serve You! in Your power!
I don’t know – I think as a child I didn’t even understand that a “soul-deep experience” was an option because God had been presented to me “in a logical, understandable package.” I knew all the Bible “stories” by heart and also the “correct” interpretation – I don’t think I realized there even was any “mystery.”
Surprisingly enough, I think it was through another “story” that I began to realize there was more – a whole new level/ depth possible – through the story of Narnia and Aslan and the Shadowlands and Aslan’s country.
I think another thing that convinced me, was learning about and observing God’s amazing creation. Even the “scientific” explanations evoke a sense of mystery.
Going through really hard times has also convinced me, as I have had to rely on a “soul-deep experience with God" when all logical, understandable solutions and explanations have utterly failed. I’ve had to learn to trust God, even if I can’t “understand” so much about Him.
And I think going to different churches and experiencing different worship styles and emphases has helped. I know the Anglican services evoke a sense of awe, mystery, even the “fear of God” – while Pentecostal emphasis on experiences with the Holy Spirit make the supernatural very clearly seen – and the in-depth teaching I’ve experienced at Abundant Life, for example, has shown me how much more, how much deeper, is the wisdom and knowledge of God than any understanding I have yet attained.
I’m not sure what this question means: “What do you find most challenging about the mystery of God?” All I know is that now I want to enter deeper and deeper and ever more constantly into God’s Presence and wonderful intimate communion with Him. I do find it difficult to accept that I keep discovering (having God reveal to me) things in my life that separate me from Him. And I also still find myself tending to try falling back on my own resources or the world’s resources. Is that what it means?
October 17, 2001
I woke so tired, so tempted to stay in bed. And I laid there and asked God to speak to me. And he did – by bringing His Word to my memory: “They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength…” and I replied, “Yes, Lord, I know that, I believe it – but couldn’t You just give me a little zap or at least a hug to get me started?” And He said, “Step into the waters, My child.”
And I realized that was right. Just one step at a time… and He will work miracles! So I did get up, turn on the heat and lights, and sit in the front room (no kids sleeping in there! A miracle in itself! And a warm place! – Lord, my bedroom is getting so cold…)… And here I am!