Monday, 9 March 2009

Getting impatient ... why does everything fall through?

January 13, 2002

The message (well, You Lord, through the message) this morning at Abundant Life really got to me. Then satan (or more probably one of his minions… or just my nasty “self”… I’m told by ___ and it’s probably true – that we give too much credit to satan and company!) got ahold of me… and then You got ahold of me again through “Screwtape Letters” (which You got me reading ahead of time the last day or two in preparation!).

The sermon this morning was good – inspiring! It was things I’ve heard and believed for a long time – but so pulled together – and then the Abundant Life list of Ten Top Tasks for the 2002 year! Wow! It’s enough to make anybody want to be part of the action in a church with those kinds of goals/tasks for Jesus! 3 people today baptized and joined the church – how I wish that for my whole family…

And then I remember that You’ve given me an awesome vision, too… but all I can see of it is “vision”… and I don’t have anyone sharing it (that really makes me feel bad)… and (I think… I was so sure… sometimes it’s hard to wait…) I’m supposed to be “doing Your thing” here in this community, down in the Abundant Life community down the road… and it seems like so little happening:

Twice I put those forms in the box at Abundant Life, offering to host a Life Group or church plant in our house, and got “thank you” letters – and a phone call – from that guy who was in charge of the church plant for our community – but he’s gone away now – and I don’t seem to be able to say more than a quick hello to ____ who’s church planting in the community next to us…

I filled out that lengthy Women’s Ministry form and never heard back from them at all…

Mom’s in Touch is during my work time… and the Women’s Bible Study group was during my work time, and when I went there in the fall nobody was there (did I give up to easily?) …

I almost never get to the Christian Fellowship Church because it conflicts with Abundant Life… and when I did go, I was the “fill-in-the-blank” person (guitar, piano, sing) and bring baked goodies… of course I could have co-ordinated children’s church… I get discouraged about library… do I give up too easily?…

I tried to help with guitar at the Anglican… but some people thought it was too wild, I guess… and I tried to start a worship weeknight group but that flopped… and I was asked to help with the outreach at the little community nearby but that never got off the ground… and I think that ___ only sees my husband (not me)as potential ministry material… (but I did like the Alpha group and that seminar in Vernon)… and I was interested in Prayers of the People but I have to leave too early for that… and I do do scripture readings quite often… and try to attend fairly regularly to support the pastor…

I enjoy the Pentecostal evening services… but I don’t feel like I’m really needed there… even if ___ is all excited about my piano ability…some of the old folks seem to like my testimonies… but am I (honestly?) enough “Pentecostal???” …

I did do that talk to the Ladies’ Luncheon group … which seemed okay…

I know I could be a lot more “aggressive” about visiting people and inviting them to church (but where would I invite them to???? Lord????)

Wow! When I saw that “50 Life Groups” banner at Abundant Life - how I longed for one here in our community… and then the pastor talked about “if God’s called you to be a missionary, let us send you out” – I thought maybe that’s for me?!???!!? (in my town). But then that reminded me of South America… and Inuvik… and (right now) about traveling around on a bus… and that just made me want to cry some more… because it seems to take so long… and impossible… yes, I know that’s just the kind of thing You specialize in, Lord !!! So that’s okay… guess I’m just impatient…

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