Singing - to worship You! Not for peformance...

February 11, 2002

I have been thinking about the singing etc last night at the Pentecostal. What I realize is that my “good singing voice” really only happens when I am praising God – when I am really directing my worship to Him, and when I am (usually) praising God with others – I do need the rest of the body! When I am distracted, not-in-the-mood, upset, etc, then my singing is mediocre. When I am “trying” to “practice” or “perform” my voice cracks, or I go off tune (or can’t find it at all). Also, I am not a soloist (or at least not at the moment… even last night, though I sang “alone” I was really singing along with the choir and song leader on that tape. And I was comfortable “backing up” ___ but I might not have been so comfortable actually leading (unless God put me in that position…).

The thing is, as I recall it, when I asked the Lord to help me sing, it was to help me praise Him. And that’s when my voice is “beautiful” – kind of, I suppose, like the joy of being part of “heaven’s choir.” (I suppose that is why a song like “Holy, Holy, Holy” inspires me so much… indeed, it is the majestic music that really thrills my heart… hymns especially – though certainly not all of them… but the worship ones… - but some of the “choruses” too… the ones that truly direct my heart, my worship, my love to my wonderful Savior, God, Lord… and give Him the glory.

Last night, a girl told me she loved my “performance.” Well! I actually “choked” on that word. For that was NOT what it was meant to be. What was it meant to be? I don’t know… I hadn’t actually thought about it that way… but now that I am thinking about it… I guess what I want is just to share the joy, the love, the delight, the thrill, the awe, the WORSHIPFULNESS I feel toward You, my Lord God, my Savior, my friend, my companion, my Guide. “My Jesus, my Savior, Lord there is none like You…” I just want to point people to You, to “tune them into” Your Presence, Your reality, Your love. To help them to know You, to encounter You, to experience You (as our pastor keeps emphasizing!)… To love You… not just know about You. To have a deep relationship, not just a head knowledge or even a casual relationship…

And, oh dear Lord, I guess that is why I feel this incredible need to know You more… and more… and more…