September 21, 1997
Wow, Lord! Thank You for nudging me to spend time with You today! I was going to get this place all spic-and-span yesterday, but although I got a lot of paperwork done, I didn’t get much clean-up, so I woke up with the urge to get busy and do it now. But You did remind me to talk with You first, and here I am! I am really enjoying Philippians – even if I still mind-wander. But every day something from it really hits home. Overall, I think that the thing that has impressed itself upon me most is to “live up to what you have already attained.” Oh Lord, help me to live a saved and sanctified holy life! If I am going to have a Christian place for people to drop in and coffee, then they have to see the Christian life being lived. Help us all, Lord!
March 2, 1998
What are my motives for moving? To get the kids (and us/ me) to a place where there is a church and Christian people/ teens/ men for hubby/ women for me/ kids – where we can have fellowship, be part of a “family,” where the kids can see that Christians are joyful, fulfilled people who love each other in Christ; where they can see that it is not totally weird and lonely to be a Christian; where they can have opportunity to learn and grow in the Lord; where they can experience worship, song, preaching and teaching; where they know they are not alone and totally rejected if they choose to follow Christ. To go where there are enough people that each of the children – and us grown-ups too! – can find “soul-mates,” real friends who share our beliefs and dreams, who can keep us accountable in Christ. To go where there are mature Christians who can serve as active role models and mentors.
Lord, I do want to be pliant in Your hands, I do want to please You… I wonder, am I putting the salvation of my children ahead of my love for You? Is my love for them, my fear of being separated eternally from them, pushing me to find my own solutions to the lack of Christian atmosphere here, rather than waiting for Your timing, Your Spirit working in their lives, You drawing them to Yourself? Lord, I feel so responsible – like I have to make sure they follow You. Yet I know each of them has to make their own choice. Oh Lord, I’m so afraid they’ll make the wrong choice! And what if it’s my fault – for not spending enough time with them praying and in the Word, for not forcing them to go to church, for being critical about the church, for keeping the peace and living here?