February 28, 2005
Dear Lord God, Heavenly Father. It is indeed a long time since I have been writing. A lot has happened in the past week or so. There has been a lot of tension in our family. And major car repairs all of a sudden. And our special friends going through a really hard time financially and ministry-wise, too.
Our church is offering a seminar weekend, about leaders seeking the “heart of the Lord.” In some ways I really want to go, but I don’t know if that is Your will, Lord. I am really concerned about myself in a leadership position due to my family problems and my bad attitudes that I keep noticing more and more. I know that as a woman, if I am called to leadership it should be in terms of leading women and children. I want to get busy, but maybe that is a problem too. I am impatient for our church to get going with its cell ministry, reaching out, really loving in practical ways. Help me, dear Lord, to wait upon Your timing and direction. Thank You, Lord.
March 6, 2005
Lord, You know my heart. You know I went to the altar in church today and just gave it all over to You, and that I long to worship You. How nice of _____ to bring those things to repair my guitar, and for ______ making music on guitar along with me at Life Group. And thank You for ____ placing her hand on my back and praying for me this morning. I just felt so dry and empty and tired, and that was what I needed to “let go,” so bless her, Lord, and thank You, too, Lord.)
I really can’t see the future at all. I still believe the vision You gave me stands. I don’t know where You’re taking me right now. Just help me be a good wife and mother, Lord, and a truly loving child of Yours. And just take care of the rest, Lord, in Your own perfect and amazing way. Amen
And while I’m asking awful, nasty questions… am I/we getting punished for failing to fulfill that “Conquering Debt God’s Way” vow? Are we just plain getting punished? For everything. Goodness knows, I’m a major screw-up.
Yes, I am discouraged. And terribly tired. I know I don’t deserve anything. But I also know You love me. I know I’m Your child. I know, from being a mom myself, that sometimes you just have to let your kids muddle through so they grow up. But sometimes it is okay to encourage them a bit, isn’t it?
I don’t know if I have any right at all to ask this, Father, but oh my, oh my, I really could use some encouragement right about now.