haphazardly "discovering our gifts" ... still seeking success and fulfillment..... other concerns

January 31, 2007

Lord, I am trying to live day by day, and trust You to fulfill Your purposes. Maybe this is just another of those ways in which I've swallowed unquestioningly the "wisdom of this world" -- making great goals for myself, dreaming big dreams, striving for "success" and "fulfillment" -- when it really only comes in You... Lord, it isn't so hard for me to let go of things, but harder to let go of dreams of fulfillment in the area of my dreams for myself, and of "using my gifts and talents." yet, really they are Yours and for You to use as You please. I know You want us to use our gifts (what about talents? Yes.. think of the Proverbs 31 woman) as, through Paul's words, You urged Timothy to "stir up the gift that was in him by the laying on of hands."

It kind of worries me about the haphazard way we are "taught to discover our gifts." In the New Testament they didn't seem to have that "struggle" to "discover." We just seem so often nowadays to make our whole spiritual journey so slowly. Is it because we think of it as a "compartment" of our lives, instead of truly informing our whole existence? Did people have "more time" then? Or was it that they really did leave behind the old life? They did keep working to support themselves... but it seems like there was such an emphasis even there of "unto the Lord".... I suppose that even then there must have been some of this struggle... because Paul points out that in being married your devotion is shared between the Lord and your spouse...