October 25, 2004
Lord, for several years I’ve had this dream about an intentional community and/or a camp or retreat speaking and teaching ministry, especially to women and girls. Does that still hold true? It’s a big dream, Lord. I know I can’t do it all. I can sit with the women and talk to them, and teach them about You while we learn to do practical things together.
But I’m not a counselor, Lord (am I?). And I’m really not a big administrator. I can come up with ideas, get them organized, set things up. But I’m not so good on carrying them on day after day. I don’t like repetitive jobs, Lord. I’m not even good at it, am I? I’m good at teaching people things and, I think, getting them excited about it. But then I always want to be going on to something new and different. Is that a problem, Lord? Do I lack the ability to be steadfast, activity-wise? Is it lack of faithfulness, or is it simply not the role and purpose for which You made me? (Oh, I do hope it is the latter. Lord?)
What did the pastor say yesterday? “Know your task.” But I really am still not sure of it. Maybe I really do need to take a couple days to seek Your face to really answer this question. Or maybe You just want me to wait for a while longer, and trust You to be in control… however long it takes, in Your purpose….
“Good actions are not necessarily godly actions. Godly actions lead to growth and relationship with God.” So what have I been doing that is godly? Yes, prayer, Bible reading, journaling, working on the newsletter (I so heard from You last night!) and life group, and developing friendships with people in our life group, and preparing for and teaching French at the Christian School, and the understanding I’m gaining about God-based education and learning, and yes, my changing relationship with my husband (but what about my children? That’s important too, but it needs a change in approach; I need to examine Your way and purpose and plan there).
But then what is “merely good?” Or even bad? Running to do things for my kids all the time, things they really need to be learning to do for themselves. Backing down from confrontation too much. Fearing to “push Jesus” on them. Spending too much time reading junk… even too much email. What about not visiting mom and dad often enough? What about things I’ve been neglecting, like prayer and fasting?
“True impact is found when we live life out of our values… or you end up living a chain of non-connected activities.” Yes, that is exactly how I’ve felt lately, Lord, a chain of unconnected activities. And I don’t even know, at least I haven’t really articulated or sought Your face on what my key values are, or should be.
How do I do that? Obviously it is a pretty crucial step. I do see how our core values do affect everything else we do.
“If you try to do more than the will of God for you, you will burn out. To really live we must understand that activity is not necessarily accomplishment. The enemy of priority living is busyness that is not important to your main task.” Okay, I am getting that! Well, at least in my head… now the tough part… putting it into action.
“Know your task, and your assignment within that task. Do your assignment and delegate the rest. And if others won’t do the rest, let it go. Don’t give in and do it, too.” And “Love on and encourage those that you delegate to.” Okay. I didn’t see that there was a difference between task and assignment. So if I get this right, for example, the church library is a task. Reorganizing it so that would run more smoothly was my assignment. Other people can keep it up, including preparing new books for the collection, once I’ve trained them how to do that.
And what else? What exactly is my task/assignment re my husband, my kids, the church, school? Lord?