November 5, 2006
Dear Heavenly Father,
In the service today You spoke to me - again, and again I needed to submit myself anew - and more - to You: I had to totally give up my dearest dreams and longings, even things I believe strongly to be in Your will, and be willing to lose everything that I value or wish for - even things I have selfishly wished to not happen, like my husband never changing any more, and coming home to stay, and having to love him and do things his way for the rest of my life even if it means his way of finances, and never being able to be a missionary or be involved in any other "significant" ministry ever in the present or future (even if it isn't because of my husband at all!), and even to the point of "losing" my children and never seeing them come to the Lord, and even if I lost my health - or even far worse to my way of thinking, lost my mind to dementia or whatever! Even things like having to teach a childrens church/ Sunday school class during church time, if that is Your will!!!
And Lord, I do give my dreams and longings ... and dreads... to You, and all that I value most. I can't even think of words to talk about it, because just the thought of those things happening leaves me feeling barren and stricken and speechless - but Lord, I have realized that loving and obeying and trusting and living in relationship with You is far much crucial than any of those other things! (Of course my childrens spirits are as important to You as mine is, but for me walking in obedience to You, it is still something I have to totally give over to Your will.
Thank You for Your grace in my life!
Praise Your Holy Name! Amen!