Monday, 3 September 2012

I suddenly realized

(Written August 16, 2012 in my journal)

It suddenly occurred to me (Your voice, Father!  Thank You!) ... anyway, it realized there isn't a single book (and right now I'm focusing on "Christian books" but it holds will all human-written books) that doesn't have something I wonder about or question or have my current understandings/ perspectives challenged in some way, or have "my understanding" broadened or firmed up... or shaken up... or whatever.

I believe the "Velvet Elvis" book is right when it talks about how our understanding of our faith is always growing, deepening, developing - and sometimes changing quite radically - as You reveal more of Yourself to Your various children - and yes, as they toss "their" ideas into the mix, too - and the conversation grows and develops, and as we remember to open ourselves to hear Your voice and direction in the midst of our conversation... which is ultimately Your conversation ... revealing Yourself to us ...

And revealing our selves too, in the process, if we're willing to see "us," in truth.  Ultimately to mae us more like You, to draw us back into...

Well, it's a funny thing... I don't feel it is wrong to ask questions about what is in the Bible (though sometimes I get "guilty feelings" about questioning "interpretations" I've accepted - or others accept ), because, I suppose, deep inside I know that it is a book of such deep spiritual truth (Your truth) (Your living word... You revealed in our thoughts and words, maybe?) that no matter how often I dig into it, I'm never going to "get it all," and things I thought I'd "got" are going to be seen as only a beginning, or maybe as a "view from a distance" - or maybe even wrong.

But that all just makes me want to keep exploring, keep learning, keep digging, keep questioning... in order to know You more and more and more - to Your honour and glory!" - which I'm slowly but surely coming to realize is the "point" of it all - of life - anyway.  Because YOU ARE it.  The point.  The only I AM.  And my existence, the existence of all life, makes no sense unless it can be bound together with the Source, the All-in-All, the LIFE - You!

And oh! Thank You! for providing Jesus so we can start to get back to that point.  (Awe - quiet, deep - not so much "wow" ... I used to "wow!" a lot ... but now it seems, after a time of almost no "feeling," that maybe a deep "awe" is slipping in, filling up the cracks and crevices, seeping towards my core ... even as my "intellect" doesn't seem to "get it" (or maybe even "want it"?). 

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