tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-42535066654157532832024-03-13T14:19:33.679-07:00my church journeyNorma Hill - aka penandpapermamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02034679415355279691noreply@blogger.comBlogger927125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4253506665415753283.post-38087564287197685672022-02-22T13:07:00.000-08:002022-02-22T13:07:27.147-08:00Career Changes and Following God<p> Oh my, it's been almost a year since the last time I posted on this blog (though I've been busy on one or two of my other blogs...).</p><p>I turned 65 in the summer of 2020 and since then have been thinking about changing my business path, seeing as I'm theoretically old enough to "retire" but would rather just make some changes to my business, Pen And Paper Mama Services. What changes? Why? Let's see...</p><p>For the past 10 plus years I've been doing mainly tutoring and editing, along with some other "pen and paper" type activities. My tutoring was initially working mostly with young students who were struggling with basic literacy issues and who had various learning differences and/or special needs. More recently, my tutoring has mostly been with middle school and secondary school students, still with LD/SN, but more in the form of "homework/assignment" help rather than helping them develop important academic skills and life skills that will help them become successful lifelong learners. And while the editing part of my business started out more with helping writers become self-directed, better writers, in the past while it's been more and more simply copyediting (line editing) and proofreading. As you can see, with both tutoring and editing, I've been moving away from being a helper and encourager to being a technical aide. And while I can do that fine, it's just not "me." And it doesn't line up very well with my own life goals and beliefs. So: what do I really want to do? What's really important to me? I've been making a list of thoughts about this. I dream of:</p><p>- writing from my personal journey and life passages, consistent with God's Word and my spiritual wrestlings<br />- being open to the Holy Spirit, Christ flowing through my giftings and talents and longing He has put within me<br />- co-writing with the Lord; defined by Him, not by people and systems and institutions<br />- discovering who I am, what are the most true things about me, in Him<br />- change, transition, journey with the Lord, eyes open to His doings; invigoration in relationship with Him<br />- figuring out if "my dreams" are really God's dreams for me, or just my own (selfish?) dreams? (intentional community, participating in family camps and retreats, being a "teaching Grandma," bus/RV living, helping at places like Esperanza, spontaneous road trips/travels, cohousing, volunteer in developing nations, help young women develop old-timey skills (canning, sewing, quilting, gardening, etc.) ... and beautiful, whimsical, adventurous dreams like having a cabin by a wild Pacific beach<br />- reach out with my writing and other skills to people who are seeking, searching, journeying<br />- flowing freely, like God's river, in my blog writing, emails, short writing, poetry, memoir writing, etc.<br />- dance and flow with my Pen and Paper; follow my heart; smile, be joyous (vs. "shoulding" and "duty" and "guilt")<br />- move beyond the usual systems and ruminations; seek "beyond me"<br />- write from my own experiences and viewpoints; freedom to use my own pathways, imagination, creativity; freedom from "the system" ... "We inherit creativity by virtue of being begotten by His Spirit."<br />- pick up writing with humour once again<br />- blogging on diverse topics, whatever I feel like ... I'm a "Jill of all trades!"<br />- my ideal audience: people searching, wondering, on pilgrimage journey, seeking truth, not content with pat answers, non status quo<br />- journeys of the heart, healing hearts and minds, stories from suffering?<br />- story and conversation; Community</p><p>In case you're curious about what this means in relation to my career path, I'm currently exploring potential changes and perspectives for my business, over at my blog https://normajhill.com/2022/02/22/thinking-ahead-1-coaching/ <br /><br /></p>Norma Hill - aka penandpapermamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02034679415355279691noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4253506665415753283.post-75986303792466931792021-03-14T09:45:00.006-07:002021-03-14T09:45:51.678-07:00Athiesm for Lent? <p> So ... "Athiesm for Lent" ... Lent is a time when we give up something we hold precious in order to draw nearer to, and depend more upon, God. Isn't that right? I may not be totally clear on that, seeing as I wasn't brought up in a Lent-practicing arm of the church, but that seems about right to me. I'll just leave a space here to look it up later, but right now I want to write down my personal thoughts before I lose them, which often happens when I go online and get distracted.</p><p>(later insert after researching "Lent": searching for God among the brokenness of life; replicating Jesus' sacrifice and withdrawal to the desert for 40 days; discover purpose and make a difference; penitential preparation and repentance for Easter; praise, pray, worship the Lord; purification; weaning from sin and selfishness; coming close to and communing with God ... ha! that last definition is the one I relate to).</p><p>Anyway, why would I want to delve into athiesm at Lent in order to draw nearer to God? Okay, so I can understand letting go of my "picture" of God, which has been taught to me by church culture in which I was brought up, and "confessions" and books on "basics of the faith" and lists of "beliefs" and courses on "apologetics" (how to defend your faith) ... and threats/fears on what might happen in one does lose the particular beliefs instilled through all those means ... like hell instead of heaven ... and doubts about the existence of God himself (sorry, I'm not going to deal with gender pronouns just now) if one lets go of any of these "denomination distinctives" (it's a "slippery slope" you know--just look at Darwin and his exploration of nature and science and where that took him ... and then many fine young Christian men (what about ladies? Hmm?) who went off to seminary and "lost their faith" ... and all those leaders of "mainline churches" who turned their "calling" into nothing more than a career/money-making endeavour that they truly no longer believe in, and in the process, lead astray so many people who follow them and trust them because they supposedly are educated representatives of Jesus ... and, of course, the descent into madness of people Neitzche when he went from a pious youth to a total athiest ... and/or perhaps, "mystics" who believed so fervently that they ended up going kind of "crazy" in the opposite direction ... not to mention extremely charismatic folks who left the "safety" of accepted, fundamental(ist) beliefs ....</p><p>To be honest, I really don't need a study of athiesm to accomplish giving up my picture (okay: understanding ... even "belief" ... and--oh dear--relationship) of/with God.</p><p>When I was a child, I easily memorized the facts about God that I was presented with and even won lots of Bible sword drills, and got prizes for memorizing scripture, and earned the top prizes and a gazillion badges/pins in Pioneer Girls and Christian Youth Crusaders, and knew all the "answers" in contests about the facts of the Bible and/or Christianity (at least as accepted by the branch of the church I was brought up in). We had family worship at home every single day and went to church and Bible camps and evangelistic meetings multiple times a week, and I read through the Bible myself at 9 years old and multiple times thereafter. I even won an airplace ride (a big deal at that time) for getting the most points in Sunday School.</p><p>But, with all my "head knowledge" I really did not "get" the whole "heart knowledge" thing. I knew the theory about "giving your heart to Jesus" and "having a personal relationship with Jesus" (and being ready, at all times, for heaven, and not "backsliding" and losing my salvation). But I just couldn't seem to muster up the emotion (many tears) I was supposed to show, or feel the necessary remorse for my sins (which perhaps was the result of having internalized and mostly lived up to the list of rules of living ... a lot of "Thou shalt nots" but perhaps not so much just knowing God in a real, intimate, personal way). Anyway, I was pretty much a "good little girl" and had a strong "intellectual foundation in the faith" which did well for me, at least until my early teens.</p><p>Funny thing: in grade 7, I was one of 20 students my age chosen from our entire school district to be bussed every day to the "Major Work Program" (what would later be referred to as a "gifted program"). My parents seriously didn't want me to go because they feared I might end up outside the "protection" of the life I'd been carefully brought up in (in other words, I might to think too much, and start to question things...). And, indeed, the teacher was a proudly avowed athiest and did challenge everything we'd easily accepted in the past. Still, armed with my arsenal of "Christian beliefs" I really did stand up for what I'd been taught previously. </p><p>But oddly enough, what really made me start "questioning" (doubting? wondering?) was attending a Christian youth camp when I was almost 14 and having a "cabin counsellor" who had been a longtime missionary, and told all of us young teen girls that if we were going through anything in our lives that we couldn't share with our parents, we could confide in her and she would counsel us and never tell anyone else. I have no idea now what dreadful secrets or thoughts or ideas I "shared" with her (I was so innocent at the time that they must have been really minor...), but she immediately spilled all my deep, dark secrets to my dad ... who immediately freaked out at me. That was the beginning of the end of a good relationship with my dad ... and of my "trust" of "very Christian" people (we were brought up to highly admire missionaries). Who'd have thought such a thing would start me on the slippery slope of doubt about my "faith"?</p><p>I was a pretty typical teen and was curious about the "fun" my friends were having, and I did hang out with some of the pretty "tough" kids and "dabbled" in things--though I was really innocent compared to them: in fact, one group called me their "mascot" and literally protected me against people in the group who wanted to remove said innocence! Anyway, I started to drink alcohol a bit in my mid-teens, and smoked a bit of marijuana later on, and so on. But at the same time, there were "revivals" going on in our area which a lot of previously non- or nominally-Christian kids were enthusiastic about, and I really did try to be part of that, too. Sadly, when I didn't instantly turn into a perfect, serious saint after "going forward to the altar", my dad was really upset with me, and I pretty much gave up on that.</p><p>When I went off to University, I was attending a nice, middle-of-the-road-evangelical church, including faithfully attending a Bible study group (and running the Sunday School program for the elementary age kids). Sadly, again, I made the mistake of asking questions about some of the "basics of the faith" and was asked to leave the Bible study group as I was apparently damaging the faith of new Christians (I think maybe the group leader just didn't have any answers and was himself afraid of my questions). It was at that point I realized that I really did have a lot of questions and wonderings and so on. </p><p>After University, I started my teaching career, and really got into drinking, and pretty much quit church, and started "living in sin" and had a "baby out of wedlock" (though definitely on purpose. Having a baby sobered me up, because I'd seen a lot of kids with fetal alcohol and knew I didn't want to damage my babies, for sure.</p><p>I really did "return to the faith" as much as I could for a long time, as we had 5 children in 8 years (yes, we did get married), and my husband even went to Bible College. I took a course there in "apologetics" which unfortunately made me wonder about a lot of what they were defending. As I tried so hard to be a "good Christian" in those child-rearing years, sadly (this does seem to be a pattern... sadly...) we ended up in a series of churches which ended up "splitting" and/or in which my talents/skills were appreciated (teaching Sunday School; church office admin skills; etc.) but my deep, honest questions were seen as suspect at best and perhaps even heretical in some cases. I ended up, for a time, not attending church at all (although, ironically, I was hired to run a church office during that time).</p><p>Then my mom developed dementia and I became the "primary caregiver" from our family. I could not understand how God could let such a truly "saintly" woman (she really was) go through such a terrible decline, and I became terrified it could happen to me, too. In that same time period, my dad suddenly died of cancer, and mom eventually died of severe dementia. I had job losses, and church losses, and my kids grew up and left home (and church), and all my careful plans went terribly awry, and I was teaching at a "Christian school" where I ended up losing some more of my "faith," sad to say. In the end of all that, I went through a period of deep clinical depression, which really changed my outlook on life. It has been a very long and slow "recovery" over 10 plus year, and my emotions were very flat (self-protection?). Surprisingly, though I feel like I "lost my faith" in terms of many "points of doctrine," I started to gain a deep certainty of God's reality (although I did--and still do at times--have intellectual doubts about God from a traditional doctrinal perspective).</p><p>Lately, there have been some new "stressful" events in my life in which I really have longed for that deep "bedrock knowing" of God. And then suddenly I am confronted by this "Athiesm for Lent" course which our church gathering group decided to explore. And it seems like all the "doubts" and "wonderings" I've confronted in my life (I'm 65 now, so for over 50 years) are being dug up again. The ironic thing is that as I'm facing these in a really heavy, condensed format, at a stressful time in my life, the reality of God, for me, has been strengthening ... which, perhaps is what Lent really is about, after all!</p><p>The other people in our little group seem to be very interested, even maybe enjoying, learning about and thinking through athiesm and the "death of God" etc., but I feel like I've been there, done that, and I have no desire to go through it all again. This week I haven't even bothered exploring the daily reflections in preparation for today's (Sunday) gathering, and am not even sure I want to take part in it or even just observe it.</p><p>The reality of God, for me now, is "outside the box" of doctrinal definitions. But it is far more real--maybe what I've really been seeking/wondering about/looking for all these years. Maybe I've already been through the "psychology" and "philosophy" and "intellectualizing" and "institutional doctine" of it all and just don't need (or want) it any longer. I feel like I'm maybe on the cusp of a new part of my journey with God (I was going to write "spiritual journey" but that's a loaded phrase these days that doesn't reflect where I'm at, though I gone there, quite recently in fact ... and it isn't a "church journey" for me either, which is what this blog started out to be). I've "been there, done that" with the other things I've mentioned here, and I have no interest in rehashing or reliving them, especially "intellectually." </p><p>I feel like knowing God is far beyond human reasoning, although I sure tried that path. Which is probably why dementia has terrified me so much. I've depended on my intellectual "giftedness" but now it seems so ... I don't know ... so shallow, perhaps, in view of the "knowing God" which I am beginning to finally glimpse (like the glory of the sunrise this morning out my window here, after the deep darkness of the sky before it). I've always wondered about, and longed to see/experience, the "glory of God." And I'm not interested in wading back into the mire I've gone through (though I realize it is part of my journey, too. </p><p>I've also realized it is important to allow others to find their way through their journey with God, in whatever way he might have for them. This is another thing I'm understanding about the immensity of God--beyond immensity, in terms of human understanding--which I'm starting to glimpse and experience--and KNOW. The journey's details are unique for each person, I believe (yes, I do believe). Maybe part of my long meanderings has been trying to follow/imitate others' apparently successful journeys. When God has a journey with me that needs to be walking with him, however that turns out, rather than trying to fit myself into others' ways and experiences. That's a huge relief, actually. And so much more real that any imitation of other humans, no matter how "saintly" (or not, if one depends on "definitions" of saintliness) they might be.</p><p>This is enough. For now, anyway. Maybe more later... in this journey.</p>Norma Hill - aka penandpapermamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02034679415355279691noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4253506665415753283.post-67901397977464642512021-01-01T14:48:00.006-08:002021-01-01T14:48:41.834-08:00Am I a Liar? Maybe More Than I Realize?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-U1ZGJ0iBJio/X--mp3tJBJI/AAAAAAAABMc/znol8iWgaU03uDYgc9jSdgYZJfDfiOrPACLcBGAsYHQ/s480/39972.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="466" data-original-width="480" height="217" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-U1ZGJ0iBJio/X--mp3tJBJI/AAAAAAAABMc/znol8iWgaU03uDYgc9jSdgYZJfDfiOrPACLcBGAsYHQ/w223-h217/39972.jpg" width="223" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><p>Do you tell lies? More to the point, do I tell lies? A good question, maybe, for the beginning of a new year when we're encouraged to resolve to improve ourselves, eh? It's a question I've been pondering a lot over the past year, seeing as there seems to have been an ever-increasing amount of fake news, alternative facts, and other truth-stretchers-and-twisters whirling around us moment by moment, and which for a good many people seem to be totally acceptable—even approved. Of course, it's easy to judge others for their twisting of truth, but what about our own "little white lies" (are those really a thing? Another good question for another post, perhaps).</p><p>From the time I could string two or three words together, the adults in my life took pains to impress upon me that telling lies is a terrible sin. Adam and Eve picked it up immediately from the "father of all lies" himself, you know. And being caught in a lie (however "little" and "white" it might have been) was a sure path to getting my mouth washed out with soap. This was an effective punishment for me, as I hated the taste, but my brother quite enjoyed it—he enjoyed eating crayons too, as I recall—and thought it much superior to a spanking; I remember how, when he was in trouble, he'd beg for the soap-in-the-mouth-treatment, which I could never understand. But I digress. Anyway, depending on the size of the lie, especially if it led to another and another, which is one of those things that lies tend to do, mouth-soaping could lead to other harsher punishments, so you'd think I would have caught on and swallowed any falsehoods before they could pop out....</p><p>The trouble was, telling a lie successfully (e.g. not getting caught) was such great for avoiding punishment for the many other misdeeds we committed, whether intentionally or unintentionally. And oh, my goodness, there were so many possible sins (rules and regulations) which could snare a little person who might not even realize they had done something wrong, or couldn't understand what was wrong with the behaviour or attitude in question. Even a "tone of voice" or a "sassy" phrasing of a statement could invoke judgment by those who loved me dearly and were terribly concerned for the state of my soul—or who simply decided I had crossed a line they'd drawn. Sometimes, of course, I was a line-crosser on purpose, but quite often I found the said line to be very puzzling indeed. </p><p>Certainly, there were things I did that I knew and understood were unacceptable: clearly stated rules like the Ten Commandments which we memorized early on (at least superficially; I wasn't always clear about, for example, about how being angry at someone could be equated to killing, though we were often warned about slippery slopes; and I had no idea for quite some years about what adultery might be and how it related to me as a young child). Other rules ("Thou shalt sit quietly and not wiggle during long sermons in church" — my poor wiggly little brother got spanked quite often for breaking that one, and I once got spanked as well, since Mom felt it was a bit unfair for him to get more spankings and she told me it wouldn't hurt me to join in receiving the spanking so he wouldn't feel so picked upon. That's one of those occasions in my young childhood that inexplicably has stuck with me these 60ish years later!). I suspect Mom did not enjoy spanking us, but it was a well-accepted and even expected way to keep children on the straight-and-narrow, and perhaps she felt under pressure to do so in order to be a good parent. At any rate, she once told me, many years later, that she suspected I often got away with things I hid much better than my poor brother, who found it much more difficult to appear as angelic as I did. And, yes, that brings us back to telling lies.</p><p>So telling lies successfully was appealing, as it avoided punishment for other crimes committed. While I was generally a "goody-two-shoes" little gal, usually obedient and respectful, I was also in fear of breaking the many rules set before me by definitely caring parents, grandparents, church, elderly folks who felt a direct responsibility for my soul; school teachers and the dreaded principal; ministers and Sunday School teachers; moralistic stories in Sunday School papers and Christian children's books; sermons at church and Bible camps and church children's groups and evangelistic services and prayer meetings, and so on. Naturally, there was also the Bible, which I had been thoroughly schooled in from birth, and read through it completely myself for the first of many times at nine years of age; one of the things that puzzled me about that was that it did not include many of the rules and regulations I'd been taught so thoroughly. </p><p>Therefore, the usefulness of "the lie." The thought of spankings at home terrified me, though they were few and not terribly painful; and I was also quite terrified of getting in trouble at school. Detentions were shameful, and while I mostly kept out of trouble (I remember once having to clean the entire classroom floor by crawling up and down the aisles pushing my ruler in front of me), I saw enough punishment of other students (being sent to the principal for "the strap" being most frightful, but also ear-pulling, knuckle whacks with a ruler, shoes and chalk brushes thrown at students, "writing lines" and so on—my, how things have changed since then...) to encourage me to avoid incurring the wrath of my teachers. </p><p>It didn't take long to discover that there were various ways to lie that didn't require an outright, in-your-face lie (which I was never very good at; my guilty facial expression tended to give me away when I tried that; though oddly enough, as an adult, I was equally poor at "reading" the expression of my children's and student's faces... ). There were tactics like "mostly telling the truth" but conveniently leaving out a few minor, troublesome details; transferring the blame to someone else; looking very sad and pitiful; hiding out somewhere until the potential punisher was distracted or forgot; pleading that I didn't realize I had done something wrong; telling a long, convoluted story that would distract from the point of the actual offence; get busy doing something that would win the favour of the potential punisher; and so on. </p><p>Eventually, I grew up and far fewer adults felt the need to be responsible for keeping me on the straight-and-narrow. But the "little white lie" habit had, unfortunately, been well engrained. Because not only did telling lies help to avoid punishment; it also turned out to be an excellent way to keep people approving of me. Being approved of was, of course, closely related to all those rules and regulations. This has been one of the greatest difficulties in my life: the desire to have others approve of and accept me. And telling "little white lies" works so well. Often, I don't even think them through; they just slip out and there they are. The older I get, the more I realize what I am doing, and while I really try to overcome this, it is very difficult. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever conquer it. I know, of course, that this is one of those things that "only the Spirit of the Lord can change in your heart as you give it over to Him" and that "you just have to love Him and want His approval more than the approval of people." All very well, but when His approval was so wrapped up in the approval of the significant adults in my life from the earliest age, giving up the approval of others is much easier said than done. Still, the fact that I've come to recognize this problem in my life and want to change it gives me some consolation that maybe I am discovering the real "straight and narrow way" rather than the "rules and regulations" way.</p><p>One more thing related to all this. As you might gather from my ramblings, I love to write—and to tell stories. Entertaining ones. Especially stories from my childhood (and adult life, too). A perceptive uncle told me that perhaps my stories are more "creative" than "memoir" — though he also added that this is a family trait. So I'm wondering if the "creative" aspects of my memories are also related to the whole "approval" thing? Embroidering past events to make them more entertaining--and thus more approved, as my audiences laugh heartily. But that's another post for another time. </p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Norma Hill - aka penandpapermamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02034679415355279691noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4253506665415753283.post-21016333685984370852020-02-07T08:29:00.000-08:002020-02-07T08:29:58.021-08:00I Want to Know You as You Really Are<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: whitesmoke; color: #111111; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "San Francisco", "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Ubuntu, Roboto, Noto, "Segoe UI", Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: start; white-space: nowrap;">Photo by </span><a href="https://unsplash.com/@reinhartjulian?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText" style="background-color: whitesmoke; box-sizing: border-box; color: #767676; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "San Francisco", "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Ubuntu, Roboto, Noto, "Segoe UI", Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: start; text-decoration-skip-ink: auto; transition: color 0.1s ease-in-out 0s, opacity 0.1s ease-in-out 0s; white-space: nowrap;">Reinhart Julian</a><span style="background-color: whitesmoke; color: #111111; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "San Francisco", "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Ubuntu, Roboto, Noto, "Segoe UI", Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: start; white-space: nowrap;"> on </span><a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/listening?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText" style="background-color: whitesmoke; box-sizing: border-box; color: #767676; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "San Francisco", "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Ubuntu, Roboto, Noto, "Segoe UI", Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: start; text-decoration-skip-ink: auto; transition: color 0.1s ease-in-out 0s, opacity 0.1s ease-in-out 0s; white-space: nowrap;"><pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="spelling" data-pwa-dictionary-word="Unsplash" data-pwa-heavy="false" data-pwa-hint="Unknown word: Unsplash" data-pwa-id="pwa-8F388FE8F84FBC9C70286AB526504960" data-pwa-rule-id="SIMPLE_SPELLING" data-pwa-suggestions="Uns plash~Un splash">Unsplash</pwa></a></td></tr>
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(originally <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="spelling" data-pwa-dictionary-word="journaled" data-pwa-heavy="false" data-pwa-hint="Unknown word: journaled" data-pwa-id="pwa-67295F4C62EC800E72C4C042EB35CEB5" data-pwa-rule-id="SIMPLE_SPELLING" data-pwa-suggestions="journal'd~journals'd~jour naled">journaled</pwa> Oct 7, 2019)<br />
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Lord, I want to know You as You really are, not some human interpretation of You. I believe <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word="You" data-pwa-heavy="true" data-pwa-hint="Possible unnecessary capitalization" data-pwa-id="pwa-F4D497A509F8AF71EF0B245AF5C5458A" data-pwa-rule-id="UN_CAPITALIZATION_PWCE" data-pwa-suggestions="you">You</pwa> are far beyond and above any small "divine spark" humans think they can find within them. And beyond and above, yet within and <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="totally " data-pwa-heavy="false" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-4CE2D7AD3EBD2C0F4609CEB28653E609" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_2264" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">totally </pwa>involved in and caring about, every moment of all Your creation. <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="Certainly far" data-pwa-heavy="false" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by using: Far" data-pwa-id="pwa-AFF5D9F9768190B535A6285D221C2F97" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_465" data-pwa-suggestions="Far">Certainly far</pwa>, far more than some "Gaia" figure. Yes, You are my root and my eternal future ... should I <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="choose to " data-pwa-heavy="false" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-4323235EA979E894FF492E9E7248E5CE" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_835" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">choose to </pwa>follow You. But how <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="it is that " data-pwa-heavy="false" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-40D3F6A16CD63D0B645185D25652F187" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_1777" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">it is that </pwa><pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word="You" data-pwa-heavy="true" data-pwa-hint="Possible unnecessary capitalization" data-pwa-id="pwa-CCF881F7FBA0DDDDBDBE72A4B03CB7C1" data-pwa-rule-id="UN_CAPITALIZATION_PWCE" data-pwa-suggestions="you">You</pwa> could let our puny human minds make that kind of immense decision. "Free will." <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="Our understanding of the choice we are offered" data-pwa-heavy="false" data-pwa-hint="Passive verbs make your writing less direct. Try to use an active verb instead." data-pwa-id="pwa-65DF01CC858FAD369DBD6310F3D09FF1" data-pwa-rule-id="PASSIVE_VOICE_TO_ACTIVE" data-pwa-suggestions="I offer our understanding of the choice we~It offers our understanding of the choice we~They offer our understanding of the choice we~We offer our understanding of the choice we">Our understanding of the choice we are offered</pwa> is so limited and we are so wound up in our narrow, overwhelming physical existence. <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="Having the opportunity to reject" data-pwa-heavy="false" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by using: Rejecting" data-pwa-id="pwa-A8D7242077576AFADE8014396113453D" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_1813" data-pwa-suggestions="Rejecting">Having the opportunity to reject</pwa> You<pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word="--" data-pwa-heavy="false" data-pwa-hint="Do you want to use an em-dash here?" data-pwa-id="pwa-C6E8EC4B8C8D9DE81E411CB09EFFF453" data-pwa-rule-id="EM_DASH_DOUBLE" data-pwa-suggestions="—">--</pwa>with all its consequences<pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word="--" data-pwa-heavy="false" data-pwa-hint="Do you want to use an em-dash here?" data-pwa-id="pwa-E4D91B16E07B00D9620895417C2A0ABE" data-pwa-rule-id="EM_DASH_DOUBLE" data-pwa-suggestions="—">--</pwa>doesn't seem very "loving" to me just now. But yes, my human mind just doesn't "get" You. Yes, I know. Trust. Obey. Have faith. Let You be <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word="You" data-pwa-heavy="true" data-pwa-hint="Possible unnecessary capitalization" data-pwa-id="pwa-3F7869677851479DA25944B693A4E262" data-pwa-rule-id="UN_CAPITALIZATION_PWCE" data-pwa-suggestions="you">You</pwa>.<br />
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Do we all yearn for You? It <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="does seem" data-pwa-heavy="false" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by using: seems" data-pwa-id="pwa-5ABC08221A1F1B589C8687C457CEF53B" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_626" data-pwa-suggestions="seems">does seem</pwa> <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="we are drawn" data-pwa-heavy="false" data-pwa-hint="Passive verbs make your writing less direct. Try to use an active verb instead." data-pwa-id="pwa-3FD5650C16EFA92F9DCE0034F6E775E8" data-pwa-rule-id="PASSIVE_VOICE_TO_ACTIVE" data-pwa-suggestions="I draw us~they draw us~it draws us">we are drawn</pwa> <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="in some way " data-pwa-heavy="false" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-A4C18013045516454899F701E64A2185" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_272" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">in some way </pwa>to a need, even a desire, for Your "divine spark," to You, our "Source." But it is so easy for us to get distracted by our physical lives ... and even by the so-called "spiritual" baubles that sparkle enticingly. Maybe sparkles are easier to handle than Your overwhelming brilliance, glory, power, Presence. Maybe we <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="do " data-pwa-heavy="false" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-067C6300591B61C6FCD2F76D701CC655" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_626" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">do </pwa>like the darkness, the "<pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="spelling" data-pwa-dictionary-word="shadowlands" data-pwa-heavy="false" data-pwa-hint="Unknown word: shadowlands" data-pwa-id="pwa-60C02CAB1F1A3AA7ABC7997E0ACE4D3B" data-pwa-rule-id="SIMPLE_SPELLING" data-pwa-suggestions="Shadowlands~shadowland">shadowlands</pwa>" we dwell in. Maybe we fear the sunshine that the early rays of morning, of dawn, promise—yet which seem so far away in the long night of our earthly existence. Maybe we'd rather settle for little rays of flashlights (usually ones whose batteries are flickering) rather than stretch out, work toward, open our hearts and arms toward <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word="Your" data-pwa-heavy="true" data-pwa-hint="Possible unnecessary capitalization" data-pwa-id="pwa-EFD5D5B93E7E51060C14B87F85160F19" data-pwa-rule-id="UN_CAPITALIZATION_PWCE" data-pwa-suggestions="your">Your</pwa> brilliance that <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="is promised" data-pwa-heavy="false" data-pwa-hint="Passive verbs make your writing less direct. Try to use an active verb instead." data-pwa-id="pwa-CFF64D9C386107C4F10B9E5E018BCC30" data-pwa-rule-id="PASSIVE_VOICE" data-pwa-suggestions="">is promised</pwa> just beyond the mountaintop horizons of our earthly journey.<br />
<br />
Do you <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="really " data-pwa-heavy="false" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-0626948E6662CEE3F8BE3DA400F7EE14" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_2264" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">really </pwa>open some people's eyes and hearts more than others? It <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="does seem" data-pwa-heavy="false" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by using: seems" data-pwa-id="pwa-E24295DA749A1926D9404C6E2C024DF6" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_626" data-pwa-suggestions="seems">does seem</pwa> like those least distracted by both the physical baubles of life (wealth, power, respect, good physical health, human intelligence, human relationships) and even spiritual baubles (all that double-speak that our human ideas of "spirituality" and "religion," and the "light side" and "dark side" too) which offer themselves as a ready, shiny alternative ... those least distracted by these baubles are <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word="the the" data-pwa-heavy="false" data-pwa-hint="Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only 'the' or 'the' is left." data-pwa-id="pwa-B6E57D24EDE6004ED71217E06D777A8B" data-pwa-rule-id="DT_DT" data-pwa-suggestions="the~the">the the</pwa> ones most attracted and open to You. The ones that have the "least" of this world's attractions. I can see why Jesus loved the poor. I can see why they <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="were drawn" data-pwa-heavy="false" data-pwa-hint="Passive verbs make your writing less direct. Try to use an active verb instead." data-pwa-id="pwa-DD6BCF72F8E6EECA5B1E2833D22A6476" data-pwa-rule-id="PASSIVE_VOICE" data-pwa-suggestions="">were drawn</pwa> to Him while he sojourned here on earth in a so-limited physical body (yet still filled with Your Spirit).<br />
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Maybe it's true that we have to be like little children. That the least on earth are the greatest in Your kingdom, because they are <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="indeed " data-pwa-heavy="false" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-AE25CDA995656A320F524007D59543E4" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_191" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">indeed </pwa>humble and have had to learn to trust You completely, to lean on You fully.<br />
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Maybe I am fortunate in a way to have had that childhood training in "being humble" and avoiding anything that would make me "proud." It so often feels like an "albatross hanging around my neck." And yet ... I am attracted to being praised and glorified and admired. To <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="be approved" data-pwa-heavy="false" data-pwa-hint="Passive verbs make your writing less direct. Try to use an active verb instead." data-pwa-id="pwa-47737AFA9D0D5BAA62CAB72D7085DADE" data-pwa-rule-id="PASSIVE_VOICE" data-pwa-suggestions="">be approved</pwa> of and accepted and embraced. And it is <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="terribly " data-pwa-heavy="false" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-3FEA05909A41166ADFC6EBB91E7EF88F" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_2264" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">terribly </pwa>easy to <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="be distracted" data-pwa-heavy="false" data-pwa-hint="Passive verbs make your writing less direct. Try to use an active verb instead." data-pwa-id="pwa-67AC6659A839C8021491FA865291EEFA" data-pwa-rule-id="PASSIVE_VOICE" data-pwa-suggestions="">be distracted</pwa> by those moments. To want to be a "little god" even if the footlights are flickering <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="at best " data-pwa-heavy="false" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-75C4FA1BD718604A468132AA04C91FD6" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_201" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">at best </pwa>but always just strong enough to keep my eyes drawn downward to the cheering crowds (and to <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word="my self" data-pwa-heavy="false" data-pwa-hint="Possible confused word" data-pwa-id="pwa-585D7E4DBA1043BFF7E4D45003BF30D0" data-pwa-rule-id="COMBINE_2" data-pwa-suggestions="myself">my self</pwa>-adulation and pride ... and to the enemy who really <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="does dress" data-pwa-heavy="false" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by using: dresses" data-pwa-id="pwa-80AA30EE55F688E519A5612AE3A6B3F1" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_626" data-pwa-suggestions="dresses">does dress</pwa> himself as "light") instead of lifting my eyes to the promise of Your glorious, eternal, perfect light waiting just over the hilltop for the Son-Rise that is so near, that is available even now within my spirit if I welcome Your Spirit in, and let go the so-limited, so temporary and flickering floor-level lights drawing my eyes and heart down to the tinsel promises of earthly glory ... which will <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="be burnt" data-pwa-heavy="false" data-pwa-hint="Passive verbs make your writing less direct. Try to use an active verb instead." data-pwa-id="pwa-E175E69CF4CE1CE8CF094ABD8D83DA13" data-pwa-rule-id="PASSIVE_VOICE" data-pwa-suggestions="">be burnt</pwa> up along with the dead branches and broken ornaments of the momentary sparkle of the Christmas tree moments of our existence.<br />
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You'd think we'd be able to recognize those moments as promises, as glimmers, of the eternal glory <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word="You" data-pwa-heavy="true" data-pwa-hint="Possible unnecessary capitalization" data-pwa-id="pwa-FD41C85FCB4C832456578B0A3BCB9C47" data-pwa-rule-id="UN_CAPITALIZATION_PWCE" data-pwa-suggestions="you">You</pwa> offer. Yet our eyes and hearts seem most apt to become glued to the Christmas tree, the symbol, instead of being drawn upwards to the star at the top of the tree ... and beyond, to You, where the star is pointing. Why do we worship the tree, which starts drying up and dying the moment it is "born" by being cut from its roots, instead of seeking <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="out " data-pwa-heavy="false" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-46D24D38C6C11EE152BE021381F265DA" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_818" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">out </pwa>You, the root, the source, the very Life of our existence and the only promise of Life eternal?<br />
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It is the poor ... in wealth, power, health, spirit, in all things this world offers, who <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="are blessed" data-pwa-heavy="false" data-pwa-hint="Passive verbs make your writing less direct. Try to use an active verb instead." data-pwa-id="pwa-7848BFF026287D3DD4AA67A05261D906" data-pwa-rule-id="PASSIVE_VOICE" data-pwa-suggestions="">are blessed</pwa> because they understand that You are the only true choice.<br />
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Listening for <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word="Your" data-pwa-heavy="true" data-pwa-hint="Possible unnecessary capitalization" data-pwa-id="pwa-AAF03A7F05D08D82146F9018F85416EB" data-pwa-rule-id="UN_CAPITALIZATION_PWCE" data-pwa-suggestions="your">Your</pwa> voice is hard for me in the clatter of this world. I find it so much easier to listen to the voices of TV, radio, internet, books. The distractions. Sometimes the voices of friends and family too. I don't like the silence of those tossing and turning hours when I wake at night. I don't like moments of deep quiet, of peace. It's like I want them filled in, filled up ... no matter how inane, repetitive, even ridiculous the words are that I turn on with the flick of a switch to block out the quietness. Oh dear God, please help me accept the quiet moments. <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word="To" data-pwa-heavy="false" data-pwa-hint="Possible confused word" data-pwa-id="pwa-652836F2D903ACDFF062CD96566B9A0F" data-pwa-rule-id="CRFSR_TO_10" data-pwa-suggestions="Too">To</pwa> long for them. To sit patiently and wait ... for <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word="Your" data-pwa-heavy="true" data-pwa-hint="Possible unnecessary capitalization" data-pwa-id="pwa-E34EC758B3FA8509FD8F0FF9C2273657" data-pwa-rule-id="UN_CAPITALIZATION_PWCE" data-pwa-suggestions="your">Your</pwa> voice. For You. Please.Norma Hill - aka penandpapermamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02034679415355279691noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4253506665415753283.post-6038367702731070102019-07-27T14:33:00.001-07:002019-07-27T14:33:49.992-07:00So many gospels that aren't God-focused<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-uSCThqOSgzE/XTzDDVk9DwI/AAAAAAAABDw/QE_0GBmo-kcEyKMU3umujNRQqXqvHENngCLcBGAs/s1600/gospel.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="159" data-original-width="318" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-uSCThqOSgzE/XTzDDVk9DwI/AAAAAAAABDw/QE_0GBmo-kcEyKMU3umujNRQqXqvHENngCLcBGAs/s1600/gospel.png" /></a></div>
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(<pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="spelling" data-pwa-dictionary-word="journaled" data-pwa-hint="Unknown word: journaled" data-pwa-id="pwa-F216679B658175FE8341406981DCEA64" data-pwa-rule-id="SIMPLE_SPELLING" data-pwa-suggestions="journal'd~journals'd~jour naled">journaled</pwa> October 16, 2018)<br />
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Maybe we've presented a gospel that is too easy and too "me-centred." <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done pwa-mark-ignored" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="On the other hand, it" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by using: It" data-pwa-id="pwa-747AA409A7B6BA767176826B17FD0BCF" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_377" data-pwa-suggestions="It">On the other hand, i</pwa><pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done pwa-mark-ignored" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="On the other hand, it" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by using: It" data-pwa-id="pwa-747AA409A7B6BA767176826B17FD0BCF" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_377" data-pwa-suggestions="It">t</pwa> seems like religious groups that demand "good works" and utter consecration and dedication and FEAR of God are more likely to hold on to their adherents—and control them. Maybe that's why some churches really focus on good deeds and fear of hell and such.<br />
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But I'm wondering if we've gone too far the other way. Celebrating our "freedom" and "happiness" (which is sometimes <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done pwa-mark-ignored" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word="joy" data-pwa-hint="Consider using a past participle here: 'joyed'." data-pwa-id="pwa-B968D08B34AD3E09883AFFE2CDD5235C" data-pwa-rule-id="BEEN_PART_AGREEMENT" data-pwa-suggestions="joyed">joy</pwa>, but not if it focuses on us and our own happy-<pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done pwa-mark-ignored" data-pwa-category="spelling" data-pwa-dictionary-word="clappy" data-pwa-hint="Unknown word: clappy" data-pwa-id="pwa-88D79D3771A75D787615CDABA9F7F8B3" data-pwa-rule-id="SIMPLE_SPELLING" data-pwa-suggestions="chappy">clappy</pwa> feelings) and "love" (but to whom? me-centred or God/Jesus/Holy Spirit centred and then reaching out to others?).<br />
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What about the cross and persecution and servanthood and humility (and rest in You in the <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done pwa-mark-ignored" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="midst of the storm" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by using: storm's midst" data-pwa-id="pwa-A2B9DC387819E5325909F12D2348C21F" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_2767" data-pwa-suggestions="storm's midst">midst of the storm</pwa>?).<br />
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How can we see our culture, western ideas, politics (and their marriage to Christianity) as Godly? Is there any part of our lives — and "values" — that are truly God-focused and believing, following, trusting?<br />
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What about my life? I'm feeling more and more ashamed of the shallowness of my "belief" in You. And the depths of my attraction to the world's "values" and "philosophies" — even the ones that seem "Godly" or at least seem based on "godly principles." Maybe that's it. Maybe we've grasped our "reasoning" and rejected Your Spirit and guidance.<br />
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I have found it so hard the past few years to follow You. I just seem to be so distracted by everyday living. And the bewildering, rapid changes in morality and politics. And even in the church.<br />
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There was a time when I was younger and really didn't want to die. But now, while I don't have any urge to die, I am not afraid of it and sometimes I look forward to it, for I will get to see You face to face. (I will, won't I? So often I wonder if my lack of deep relationship with You is acceptable by You or not. I know You don't give up on us ... but are You disappointed in me? Do you sometimes want to cut me off from the vine? Sometimes I seem to cut myself almost off, and sometimes I <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done pwa-mark-ignored" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="do feel" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by using: felt" data-pwa-id="pwa-72AFEDFD6036DDDBDDEEFD5296A44E76" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_626" data-pwa-suggestions="felt">do feel</pwa> cut off.)Norma Hill - aka penandpapermamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02034679415355279691noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4253506665415753283.post-85481168812455862232019-07-19T15:33:00.000-07:002019-07-19T15:33:36.138-07:00Early conditioning and its life-long effects--art<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Zn9vOPFslQk/XTJE_g_cMUI/AAAAAAAABDQ/0DYdGBkjVHoIVKhNLlShniRUDu5xnUwwQCLcBGAs/s1600/art.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="194" data-original-width="259" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Zn9vOPFslQk/XTJE_g_cMUI/AAAAAAAABDQ/0DYdGBkjVHoIVKhNLlShniRUDu5xnUwwQCLcBGAs/s1600/art.jpg" /></a></div>
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(originally <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="spelling" data-pwa-dictionary-word="journaled" data-pwa-hint="Unknown word: journaled" data-pwa-id="pwa-E8B334510151273C2B782A31E3A7E8FC" data-pwa-rule-id="SIMPLE_SPELLING" data-pwa-suggestions="journal'd~journals'd~jour naled">journaled</pwa> Sept 30 2018)<br />
<br />
"Many of our present-day losses <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="are connected" data-pwa-hint="Passive verbs make your writing less direct. Try to use an active verb instead." data-pwa-id="pwa-FD85D3DB455A43D1EF991A3B93FE30ED" data-pwa-rule-id="PASSIVE_VOICE" data-pwa-suggestions="">are connected</pwa> to our earlier conditioning..."<br />
<br />
The following journal notes are a response to the prompt, "As a kid, my dad thought my art was..."<br />
<br />
Did my dad (or mom, or church community, or even school...) think about my art at all? What art? We just didn't do much art, that I have any recollection of. Even at school, art class was a rare occasion.<br />
<br />
Sadly, I don't really recall my dad having any interest in my childhood efforts that were not intellectual/academic, or Christian, or housewifely. I expect Mom probably said nice things about my occasional drawings or whatever. But to be honest, many arts (drawing, painting, creative writing) just <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="were not encouraged" data-pwa-hint="Passive verbs make your writing less direct. Try to use an active verb instead." data-pwa-id="pwa-5C6036809B02726009D48B2B6737A391" data-pwa-rule-id="PASSIVE_VOICE" data-pwa-suggestions="">were not encouraged</pwa>. Our church walls and windows were relatively plain, and most "art" on our walls at home was landscape paintings<pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word="--" data-pwa-hint="Do you want to use an em-dash here?" data-pwa-id="pwa-FF247C723C9FBA759E912BADEA2F0CF7" data-pwa-rule-id="EM_DASH_DOUBLE" data-pwa-suggestions="—">--</pwa>though photography was a favourite hobby of my dad's, focused on family, friends, events, historical locations, and some landscapes.<br />
<br />
Some arts <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="were definitely discouraged" data-pwa-hint="Passive verbs make your writing less direct. Try to use an active verb instead." data-pwa-id="pwa-22F3B2101FB17BE6B9446CF0C86FCDF1" data-pwa-rule-id="PASSIVE_VOICE" data-pwa-suggestions="">were definitely discouraged</pwa> or not allowed at all: dance particularly. I never <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="did understand" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by using: understood" data-pwa-id="pwa-521B04497533B0192AFEDA04A0AAC76E" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_626" data-pwa-suggestions="understood">did understand</pwa> how dancing, especially square dancing and folk dancing, even in PE class, could be so evil since there was plenty of it in the Bible ... used as worship! (David's wife got pretty severely punished for being annoyed at David dancing before the Lord, so you'd think <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="that " data-pwa-hint="The word 'that' can often be omitted here" data-pwa-id="pwa-C3DF5CDC2CBAAEF3D3FB91C31B3121A7" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_2834" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">that </pwa>there must be something good about worshipful dance, at least).<br />
<br />
Sculpture was another thing to <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="be avoided" data-pwa-hint="Passive verbs make your writing less direct. Try to use an active verb instead." data-pwa-id="pwa-583F779D50B643D8A168C2498E68C10E" data-pwa-rule-id="PASSIVE_VOICE" data-pwa-suggestions="">be avoided</pwa>. I suppose because it <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="was considered" data-pwa-hint="Passive verbs make your writing less direct. Try to use an active verb instead." data-pwa-id="pwa-C420EA126B71D15980AD00424131DC5F" data-pwa-rule-id="PASSIVE_VOICE" data-pwa-suggestions="">was considered</pwa> "too Catholic" and besides, a lot of famous sculptures were of naked people (think the "David" statue...).<br />
<br />
Drama and theatre were <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="pretty much " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-75938044CD2F1359757C9A29FB715F9E" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_3023" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">pretty much </pwa>seen as evil, too. We <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="were not allowed to" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by using: could not" data-pwa-id="pwa-32176212307D8789AF8E2759C64EC469" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_1857" data-pwa-suggestions="could not">were not allowed to</pwa> go to the movies at all, and drama/theatre was almost nonexistent for us unless it was a "church youth group play" or something. We didn't have a TV until I was 15 <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="or so " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-E6EE9DE1B18B04BE51A5D8888799474F" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_93" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">or so </pwa>when my dad inherited my grandparents' TV, and even then it <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="was kept" data-pwa-hint="Passive verbs make your writing less direct. Try to use an active verb instead." data-pwa-id="pwa-EF27F04D0A20C5A46360FE15BBC09C97" data-pwa-rule-id="PASSIVE_VOICE" data-pwa-suggestions="">was kept</pwa> in the closet <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="a lot of the time" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by using: often" data-pwa-id="pwa-53B22466932F349A0FA946DDF557291A" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_194" data-pwa-suggestions="often">a lot of the time</pwa>. All of which is <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word="kind" data-pwa-hint="Possible missing determiner" data-pwa-id="pwa-1F6DAB2E2C122E685F606AB6834632E5" data-pwa-rule-id="DET_CG_2" data-pwa-suggestions="a kind~the kind">kind</pwa> of funny, come to think of it, because Dad was <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="really happy" data-pwa-hint="Try using a stronger adjective" data-pwa-id="pwa-F788D014CA4C636D43865730CAC1217B" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_2825" data-pwa-suggestions="thrilled">really</pwa><pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="really happy" data-pwa-hint="Try using a stronger adjective" data-pwa-id="pwa-F788D014CA4C636D43865730CAC1217B" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_2825" data-pwa-suggestions="thrilled"> happy</pwa> to get to teach drama later on. Oh, <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="we were allowed" data-pwa-hint="Passive verbs make your writing less direct. Try to use an active verb instead." data-pwa-id="pwa-0F704E0977AF28C7A390A71B6A97B6CD" data-pwa-rule-id="PASSIVE_VOICE" data-pwa-suggestions="it allowed us~they allowed us~I allowed us">we were allowed</pwa> to do funny skits at church kids' camp, and<pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word=", of course," data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-15D00B4CBE20112183F3D8004CEE177B" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_242" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">, </pwa><pwa class="pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="" data-pwa-dictionary-word="of course " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-98407CB6C4761A08677B47B20A754AFC" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_242" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)"><pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word=", of course," data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-15D00B4CBE20112183F3D8004CEE177B" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_242" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">of course,</pwa> </pwa>there were Christmas pageants.<br />
<br />
Music was the "Christian" art (sculpture and paintings and architecture were "Catholic"), even for those of us who weren't particularly musical. My grade 7 band and art teacher (a Christian<pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word=", by the way" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-26D91231A235CD91A1B82B2B3105C35C" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_249" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">, by the way</pwa>) encouraged my parents to have me take art instead of music in high school, but Mom definitely insisted on band/music because it was Christian (though I <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="certainly " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-8A6C7A8F3C919CDAE945E02ADA9ACB49" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_465" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">certainly </pwa><pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="wasn't encouraged" data-pwa-hint="Passive verbs make your writing less direct. Try to use an active verb instead." data-pwa-id="pwa-8C375D8879CC7E249BBC01E76C31850E" data-pwa-rule-id="PASSIVE_VOICE" data-pwa-suggestions="">wasn't encouraged</pwa> to join Glee Club<pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word="--" data-pwa-hint="Do you want to use an em-dash here?" data-pwa-id="pwa-8DCE394D3F7FBC448680E11D705F1A9C" data-pwa-rule-id="EM_DASH_DOUBLE" data-pwa-suggestions="—">--</pwa>I suppose their songs were too worldly, but they were mostly the cool kids so I wouldn't have fit <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word="in anyway" data-pwa-hint="Possible confused word" data-pwa-id="pwa-09C75753FDE950A52AB6A7A7E089F9EF" data-pwa-rule-id="IN_ANYWAY" data-pwa-suggestions="in any way">in anyway</pwa>, no doubt).<br />
<br />
It really hurt my feelings, though, when the church youth group only allowed me to do reading parts in their "Christian musicals" because according to them I wasn't musical enough (though non-Christian or new Christian kids could sing even if they were totally <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word="tone" data-pwa-hint="Consider using a past participle here: 'toned'." data-pwa-id="pwa-449E995CBB43297C5BB6E4D3D432E265" data-pwa-rule-id="BEEN_PART_AGREEMENT" data-pwa-suggestions="toned">tone</pwa>-deaf, in order to "encourage" them to be Christians. Well.)<br />
<br />
I wonder why a "Bible-believing church" could <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="be so opposed" data-pwa-hint="Passive verbs make your writing less direct. Try to use an active verb instead." data-pwa-id="pwa-74175E17BE926BFD9C6E5D6C0AF502FF" data-pwa-rule-id="PASSIVE_VOICE" data-pwa-suggestions="">be so opposed</pwa> to<pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word=" so" data-pwa-hint="You might need a comma before this conjunction if it joins two independent clauses. If the sentence is short and well balanced, some people choose to omit the comma, but you'll never be wrong to include it in this case." data-pwa-id="pwa-6D2CE3544F60C90A540CF41D331A5A01" data-pwa-rule-id="CC" data-pwa-suggestions=", so"> so</pwa> many things found in the Bible, <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="like" data-pwa-hint="You might want to use a stronger verb" data-pwa-id="pwa-1C1B4C46D049000FF54BCC2F38CD6AA9" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_2847" data-pwa-suggestions="enjoy">like</pwa> dancing, clapping during singing, instruments other than piano and violin (which <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="weren't even invented" data-pwa-hint="Passive verbs make your writing less direct. Try to use an active verb instead." data-pwa-id="pwa-A30A626EF6947074D07B6390D45D6215" data-pwa-rule-id="PASSIVE_VOICE" data-pwa-suggestions="">weren't even invented</pwa> in Bible times), story-telling and creative writing, literature, poetry ("non-Christian" story-telling and writing, lit, poetry, that is)--<pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="in other words," data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-256DB27B2502B7CF51CA1153FBE3AAF0" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_321" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">in other words,</pwa> <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word="creativity" data-pwa-hint="Possible missing determiner" data-pwa-id="pwa-EC9677939F1B47364361EA43EC38A1E9" data-pwa-rule-id="DET_CG_2" data-pwa-suggestions="a creativity~the creativity">creativity</pwa> that is a gift from a Creative God? Why were we never encouraged to enjoy even classical music like the great operas, so many of which were Bible-based? (Except <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="of course, " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-FDE47E9143DA784A51D472A430CE0499" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_242" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">of course, </pwa>Handel's Messiah? All the church ladies in town got together every year to put it on in concert at Christmas). Never mind jazz, R&B, and, horror of horrors, rock '<pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="spelling" data-pwa-dictionary-word="n" data-pwa-hint="Unknown word: n" data-pwa-id="pwa-5F8F1DECD1D992CB16F88471FD6650F4" data-pwa-rule-id="SIMPLE_SPELLING" data-pwa-suggestions="s~a~on~The N">n</pwa> roll. (Well, some old-<pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="spelling" data-pwa-dictionary-word="timey" data-pwa-hint="Unknown word: timey" data-pwa-id="pwa-EF043913ABB4BB254A8AC0C8053A2788" data-pwa-rule-id="SIMPLE_SPELLING" data-pwa-suggestions="time">timey</pwa> folk songs were okay ... outside of church events).<br />
<br />
<pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="By the way, I" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by using: I" data-pwa-id="pwa-400C64020907ABC193F647D7DCEE7562" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_249" data-pwa-suggestions="I">By the way, I</pwa> loved taking English Literature in grade 12. Discovering all those amazing poets and writers<pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word="--" data-pwa-hint="Do you want to use an em-dash here?" data-pwa-id="pwa-8CCEE82F155F72C4439169910D2B8A00" data-pwa-rule-id="EM_DASH_DOUBLE" data-pwa-suggestions="—">--</pwa>so many of whom<pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word=", as it turned out," data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-8839FEC60394835EBDB022A995F237D5" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_522" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">, as it turned out,</pwa> were Christians and based so much of their writing on their Christian beliefs. Surprise!<br />
<br />
Maybe there was a fear of anything that might distract or tempt people away from being a "serious Christian," I guess. Christianity in my childhood was a very serious business. (Come to think of it, school was a <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="pretty " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-4FD234972CB3E85BCC181C3F870A8992" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_464" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">pretty </pwa>serious business, too. So little of the arts [or PE] in elementary school<pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word="--" data-pwa-hint="Do you want to use an em-dash here?" data-pwa-id="pwa-83D6C30A5BC5C76EE823B6D7FE360EE4" data-pwa-rule-id="EM_DASH_DOUBLE" data-pwa-suggestions="—">--</pwa>and our parents got to choose which arts we could take in secondary. So it was academics for me, and playing clarinet in high school band, which I never got <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word="very" data-pwa-hint="Possible missing determiner" data-pwa-id="pwa-D7208CD96FAC771B2050B379151819D1" data-pwa-rule-id="DET_CG_2" data-pwa-suggestions="a very~the very">very</pwa> good at).<br />
<br />
I wonder ... would my life (choices, decisions, directions) have been different if I'd been able to enjoy a wider variety of the arts, and develop my creativity more? And would it have had any differing effect on my spiritual development? Hmmm?Norma Hill - aka penandpapermamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02034679415355279691noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4253506665415753283.post-37157043850257241182019-07-03T14:48:00.001-07:002019-07-03T14:48:08.288-07:00Look up - Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Q_t4AsuyCfM/XR0ijYGybOI/AAAAAAAABC0/fqvrxmpQPokFo4tDlZjF0mAwiKsttHHpwCLcBGAs/s1600/Jesus%2Bon%2Bcross.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1500" data-original-width="820" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Q_t4AsuyCfM/XR0ijYGybOI/AAAAAAAABC0/fqvrxmpQPokFo4tDlZjF0mAwiKsttHHpwCLcBGAs/s320/Jesus%2Bon%2Bcross.jpg" width="174" /></a></div>
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<br />
(originally <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="spelling" data-pwa-dictionary-word="journaled" data-pwa-hint="Unknown word: journaled" data-pwa-id="pwa-0330D0A26B4A4E61DFAE7215B604D68A" data-pwa-rule-id="SIMPLE_SPELLING" data-pwa-suggestions="journal'd~journals'd~jour naled">journaled</pwa> Sept 30, 2018)<br />
<br />
This morning at the Anglican Church I was thinking about how I have felt so "apart" from God. I was looking at the big stained glass window, the picture of Jesus on the cross - and I suddenly realized I was looking at the bottom half, the people around the cross, but that I didn't lift <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="up " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-0BD32289722B245FF4143DE3E82888AD" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_2572" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">up </pwa>my eyes. It was like I heard Your voice, "Turn your eyes upon Jesus." And I realized that's a real problem for me. My eyes are too much on people and on "the church" and on prayers and devotions and even on "Father God" and perhaps the Holy Spirit ... but I haven't truly been looking at Jesus' face.<br />
<br />
<pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word=""" data-pwa-hint="Make sure that all of the quotations and brackets in this paragraph are closed." data-pwa-id="pwa-1EC408E0A630655BEE75EDB8293FB72E" data-pwa-rule-id="STRUCTURED_PUNCTUATION" data-pwa-suggestions="">"</pwa>Turn your eyes upon Jesus,<br />
Look full in His wonderful face,<br />
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim<br />
In the light of his glory and grace.<pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word=""" data-pwa-hint="Make sure that all of the quotations and brackets in this paragraph are closed." data-pwa-id="pwa-543CA167BBF37CB35CF092E5D5D41F2F" data-pwa-rule-id="STRUCTURED_PUNCTUATION" data-pwa-suggestions="">"</pwa><br />
<br />
As Hebrews 12:1 says, "Looking unto Jesus."Norma Hill - aka penandpapermamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02034679415355279691noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4253506665415753283.post-1224510845671029902019-07-01T17:26:00.001-07:002019-07-01T17:26:23.039-07:00As A Kid I Missed Out On ... or Not?<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-TDYvRVRByPM/XRqjuVzGi4I/AAAAAAAABCc/JNCgWzVnjBYzYHj_2cVw1zGQ8djY6URNQCLcBGAs/s1600/61.%2BGpa%2BWrights%2B1959.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1087" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-TDYvRVRByPM/XRqjuVzGi4I/AAAAAAAABCc/JNCgWzVnjBYzYHj_2cVw1zGQ8djY6URNQCLcBGAs/s320/61.%2BGpa%2BWrights%2B1959.jpg" width="217" /></a></div>
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(originally <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done pwa-span-hovered" data-pwa-category="spelling" data-pwa-dictionary-word="journaled" data-pwa-hint="Unknown word: journaled" data-pwa-id="pwa-491D3EBCC3DD3271A40BC2309EAB452F" data-pwa-rule-id="SIMPLE_SPELLING" data-pwa-suggestions="journal'd~journals'd~jour naled">journaled</pwa> Sept 23, 2018)<br />
<br />
1. As a kid, I missed the chance to ... dance! and pursue competitive stuff ... and join "non-Christian" groups like Girl Guides and sports<br />
<br />
2. As a kid, I lacked freedom to ... make more personal choices<br />
<br />
3. As a kid, I dreamed of ... being a Girl Guide, a meteorologist, a biologist, a journalist, a star or winner at something<br />
<br />
4. As a kid, I wanted ... a pair of those shiny plastic toy high heel dress-up shoes<br />
<br />
5. In my house, we never had ... enough encouragement to be ourselves (but maybe that was just the time, culture, religion, etc...)<br />
<br />
6. As a kid, I needed more encouragement and freedom to .... try out things I was really interested in ... and permission to excel for myself in things I was passionate about rather than <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="be expected" data-pwa-hint="Passive verbs make your writing less direct. Try to use an active verb instead." data-pwa-id="pwa-DEC99F7ACFA1DF1C0D2C82C406F90594" data-pwa-rule-id="null" data-pwa-suggestions="">be expected</pwa> to fulfill other people's plans for me<br />
<br />
7. For years, I have missed and wondered about what would have happened if ... I <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="did go" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by using: went" data-pwa-id="pwa-6B523FB2767F921DCB2D47C27D3085B9" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_626" data-pwa-suggestions="went">did go</pwa> on to get my Doctorate, or even get to continue in Major Work Class (gifted program at school), or take art instead of <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word="band" data-pwa-hint="Possible missing determiner" data-pwa-id="pwa-E8C23F5AF2FCD9CAA6EBFF6E8FDDFF34" data-pwa-rule-id="DET_CG_2" data-pwa-suggestions="a band~the band">band</pwa>, or have the chance to do Creative Writing in school instead of always serious writing<br />
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Would I <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="be so conflicted" data-pwa-hint="Passive verbs make your writing less direct. Try to use an active verb instead." data-pwa-id="pwa-FC005AE26ADAED8F843FA998FF084376" data-pwa-rule-id="null" data-pwa-suggestions="">be so conflicted</pwa> and resentful (as I "should not be") about Christianity and church and all if I hadn't been so restricted in childhood? (No dancing, Guides, makeup, all those little "thou shalt not" rules...)?<br />
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The thing is, I never really felt like I was missing out on "things." I <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="was loved" data-pwa-hint="Passive verbs make your writing less direct. Try to use an active verb instead." data-pwa-id="pwa-710D5509489DBFE8493D235605312126" data-pwa-rule-id="null" data-pwa-suggestions="">was loved</pwa> and protected (maybe <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="a bit " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-31CCBD97FC592A21070ADB0ED2198136" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_449" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">a bit </pwa>too much of the latter) which <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="was always wrapped" data-pwa-hint="Passive verbs make your writing less direct. Try to use an active verb instead." data-pwa-id="pwa-CD484F97577A2E988058D543B4805C24" data-pwa-rule-id="null" data-pwa-suggestions="">was always wrapped</pwa> in the limits imposed by church - or at least some people's interpretation of it - and - yes, I feel guilty to say it again, but my dad's ideas of what was good, interesting, etc. (And other people's ideas of what they wanted for/from me, which wasn't the adventure I craved...)Norma Hill - aka penandpapermamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02034679415355279691noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4253506665415753283.post-72250916649432901592019-06-29T14:33:00.001-07:002019-06-29T14:33:51.299-07:00Questions and doubts <br />
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(originally <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="spelling" data-pwa-dictionary-word="journaled" data-pwa-hint="Unknown word: journaled" data-pwa-id="pwa-857DAD5C28914128F48D275C6329576D" data-pwa-rule-id="SIMPLE_SPELLING" data-pwa-suggestions="journal'd~journals'd~jour naled">journaled</pwa> Sept 12 2018)<br />
<br />
Reasons I sometimes have had doubts about Christianity, or at least the religion of it:<br />
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1. I can't imagine why so many people <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="are condemned" data-pwa-hint="Passive verbs make your writing less direct. Try to use an active verb instead." data-pwa-id="pwa-15584CC1A469A3B04D192BA75758AA62" data-pwa-rule-id="null" data-pwa-suggestions="">are condemned</pwa> to hell because they don't even know about Jesus' salvation.<br />
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2. I'm confused about the Kingdom of God - yes, it is within <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word="us," data-pwa-hint="Possible comma splice." data-pwa-id="pwa-54D3654AFB5EA13EA1525DEF0DF446F1" data-pwa-rule-id="COMMA_SPL" data-pwa-suggestions="us;">us,</pwa> I get that. But what about heaven? Where is it, really? When? And is there really hell, and if so, is it really like it is so often presented? And is it bad of me not to be so sure about things other people seem to be so sure about?<br />
<br />
3. If You know the future (okay, if You're outside of time and see it all at once ... or however that works) and You <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="were able to" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by using: could" data-pwa-id="pwa-CB04BCE5E8126C5638328AF301374209" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_1237" data-pwa-suggestions="could">were able to</pwa> see how rebellious we'd be, why would You want to "save" us (or even create us)? Has it been worth it?<br />
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4. Did you mean for Christians to have so <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word="many different" data-pwa-hint="Consider using 'many'." data-pwa-id="pwa-5E58110BC7FE7FA2E677FA7E5F0AEAB9" data-pwa-rule-id="NUMEROUS_DIFFERENT" data-pwa-suggestions="many">many different</pwa> opinions/ interpretations<pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word="--" data-pwa-hint="Do you want to use an em-dash here?" data-pwa-id="pwa-FA576AFD537EAF894476BCB3980A458B" data-pwa-rule-id="EM_DASH_DOUBLE" data-pwa-suggestions="—">--</pwa>and to be so sure they are right and everyone else (including other Christians<pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word=", of course" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-C1293D9E8D572C5413DA428E8BC90A64" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_242" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">, of course</pwa>) are wrong? Or is that perhaps a hint <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="that " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-5D71C34522DC3CCE72E2A51B87F9CABB" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_1513" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">that </pwa>You are so much more immense and incomprehensible than our little minds would like to box You into?<br />
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5. Was the Bible ever (like in its very original writings) more or less infallible or whatever? Just because it's "inspired," does that mean it's perfect (seeing as how it <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="was written" data-pwa-hint="Passive verbs make your writing less direct. Try to use an active verb instead." data-pwa-id="pwa-8E1DD7B2397DB670141DF20A0BD6C3DA" data-pwa-rule-id="null" data-pwa-suggestions="">was written</pwa> <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="down " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-F4398F00BFD1C8C930EE679146D9CE27" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_2703" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">down </pwa>by dozens of <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="obviously " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-E2370587583EB358632B46B05118921B" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_1820" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">obviously </pwa>imperfect humans, and tells the stories of so many other imperfect humans)? <span class="rangySelectionBoundary" id="selectionBoundary_1561843572983_6660177470966209" style="display: none; line-height: 0;"></span><br />
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What questions do you readers have?Norma Hill - aka penandpapermamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02034679415355279691noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4253506665415753283.post-17543127559061953582019-06-25T14:50:00.000-07:002019-06-25T14:50:07.417-07:00Feeling Sad About Not Feeling Properly Sad<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7KH6F-uWj0k/XRKW-ZgY0pI/AAAAAAAABCE/vTRjUw3iCwYWhRxcDGxJv5PsSthcee2XACLcBGAs/s1600/sad.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="259" data-original-width="194" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7KH6F-uWj0k/XRKW-ZgY0pI/AAAAAAAABCE/vTRjUw3iCwYWhRxcDGxJv5PsSthcee2XACLcBGAs/s1600/sad.jpg" /></a></div>
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(originally <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="spelling" data-pwa-dictionary-word="journaled" data-pwa-hint="Unknown word: journaled" data-pwa-id="pwa-0B3537D52ADABBF8AED8C9E158D5D295" data-pwa-rule-id="SIMPLE_SPELLING" data-pwa-suggestions="journal'd~journals'd~jour naled">journaled</pwa> Sept 10 2018)<br />
<br />
Is it bad not to get sad easily? I <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="do " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-23B28A491E0A58C2106EE215840E5544" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_626" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">do </pwa>get sad sometimes, but I'm <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="not often" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by using: rarely" data-pwa-id="pwa-0BB102A047102DF614A05CF325727F30" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_127" data-pwa-suggestions="rarely">not often</pwa> very good at shedding a lot of tears or feeling great despair, especially related to "spiritual" things.<br />
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One thing I <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="do " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-24A1612AAF2883D879DF516B34C33CAE" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_626" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">do </pwa>get sad about sometimes is that I haven't felt "properly sad" about the deaths of my parents ... never mind about all the other people whose deaths (and poor living conditions and so on) I "should" feel sad about. Instead, I just <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="tend to feel" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by using: felt" data-pwa-id="pwa-33721D911AB48F7F07C3A4F7D2E99A03" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_1567" data-pwa-suggestions="felt">tend to feel</pwa> <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word="kind" data-pwa-hint="Missing determiner" data-pwa-id="pwa-28663676AEDF1642AE42D332E1B38530" data-pwa-rule-id="DET_PREP" data-pwa-suggestions="a kind">kind</pwa> of numb about it all - death <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word="especially - because" data-pwa-hint="Don't hyphenate after an adverb ending in ly" data-pwa-id="pwa-03AA55117E280FD68D4FDE410766872B" data-pwa-rule-id="HYPHEN_ADVERB" data-pwa-suggestions="especially because">especially - because</pwa> <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="it seems to me that " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-14D79B7DD40AF3590ECF9707EF4E74EE" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_1100" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">it seems to me that </pwa>it is inevitable<pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word=", one way or another," data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-75977A944D6AE422721BA988002C85D1" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_562" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">, one way or another,</pwa> and who but God knows when our time should come and how it will happen?<br />
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Now I know that I "should" also feel <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="really " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-620EA3671F922EFFFDF4EBAEE847A8D1" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_2264" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">really </pwa>sad about all the people who haven't accepted Jesus - and that should truly motivate me to get out there and urge them... But it doesn't happen, even though I've prayed about it many times. Maybe I just don't love You enough? But how can I change that (or You change that?)<br />
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And I <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="did feel" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by using: felt" data-pwa-id="pwa-77E94D705109FFF07406C8F5635B688E" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_626" data-pwa-suggestions="felt">did feel</pwa> sad about the street people, and I worked <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="really " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-B2C4495D8CEBF69B5A83920AD7B33E42" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_2264" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">really </pwa>hard at "God's Kitchen" and got <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="really " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-F186DAFC28CFC673002443490707E591" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_2264" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">really </pwa>stressed emotionally and physically, but it feels like I ended up just closing down mostly, in self-preservation, I guess.<br />
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Is there something wrong with me for not being an easily sad person?Norma Hill - aka penandpapermamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02034679415355279691noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4253506665415753283.post-33881274613426141442019-06-19T13:09:00.001-07:002019-06-19T13:09:40.704-07:00Should I Dream About What I Could Be and or Do?<br />
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_4fB4vWvTWQ/WPkc6IYrdRI/AAAAAAAAAls/R3z2uyvhnrkhK6t9JCwI9xPXx5lN5EU7wCPcBGAYYCw/s1600/magical%2Bthinking.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="194" data-original-width="259" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_4fB4vWvTWQ/WPkc6IYrdRI/AAAAAAAAAls/R3z2uyvhnrkhK6t9JCwI9xPXx5lN5EU7wCPcBGAYYCw/s1600/magical%2Bthinking.jpg" /></a></div>
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I'm afraid that if I <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="start dreaming" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by using: dream" data-pwa-id="pwa-060DBB389AABF3C34BB7187E3720CC01" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_712" data-pwa-suggestions="dream">start dreaming</pwa> about what I could be and/or do ... I will feel guilty, and I'll toss my dreams aside (after some of my dreams don't turn out at all even though I've really tried them, which has happened just often enough to make me scared to dream again).<br />
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Then there's the whole question of whether my dreams come from You, God, or from me<pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word="--" data-pwa-hint="Do you want to use an em-dash here?" data-pwa-id="pwa-AD3A8CDCAB9E8D4DDBB180810BC39D93" data-pwa-rule-id="EM_DASH_DOUBLE" data-pwa-suggestions="—">--</pwa>and how can I know for sure? What if they <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="actually " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-9AECA77267394AD56789513EC02DD473" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_1820" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">actually </pwa>are from You, though I thought they are from me, so I didn't follow them, and now You <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="are disappointed" data-pwa-hint="Passive verbs make your writing less direct. Try to use an active verb instead." data-pwa-id="pwa-8B8608C8A6414897E693239D6978D365" data-pwa-rule-id="null" data-pwa-suggestions="">are disappointed</pwa> in me not being happy with Your plans and purposes? Or maybe my dreams not working out are my <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="own " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-F8778560FDD8DD890C580492BCAAB913" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_2754" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">own </pwa>fault<pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word=" after all" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-AB456E3BA32CE3EF1286A5320805CFA3" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_665" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)"> after all</pwa>, because of wrong decisions I've made and bad things I've done, and therefore I "deserve" things not turning out the way I hoped and wished and dreamed?<br />
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And<pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word=" after all" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-AED309D61DC40BE2306BEFEC59BA8DF9" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_665" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)"> after all</pwa>, I <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="do " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-C4172236ADAE270CF2A4AEE15A7445D3" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_626" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">do </pwa>live in the 1% world (even though I'm not rich) and I <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="do " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-02A74557E8903537FBC2314C96BC0EDF" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_626" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">do </pwa>have <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="a really" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by using: an" data-pwa-id="pwa-92E2C04716822B454EF2A24EB6521B04" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_2264" data-pwa-suggestions="an">a really</pwa> awesome life compared to the 99% world, so what right do I have to complain, anyway<pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word="--" data-pwa-hint="Do you want to use an em-dash here?" data-pwa-id="pwa-A6C4F14F6E165A60EC588FF921B4E9DD" data-pwa-rule-id="EM_DASH_DOUBLE" data-pwa-suggestions="—">--</pwa>or need to dream of bigger things?<br />
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(And yeah, what about "Take up your cross..."?)<br />
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And related to dreams ... learning to ignore the expectations (dreams for me) and beliefs and criticism of others: that's <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="really " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-0DBC986FE15FED4B1D6B49B5C4F76200" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_2264" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">really</pwa> hard for me. Learning to not wish for and work for others' approval and acceptance and all. Being brave enough to not have to obey anyone but You (who is not nearly as scary as people are because You <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="DO LOVE" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by using: LOVE" data-pwa-id="pwa-A8BBA0EEA0462B182E1DC105FB681655" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_626" data-pwa-suggestions="LOVE">DO LOVE</pwa> ME ... and I CAN TRUST YOU!).Norma Hill - aka penandpapermamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02034679415355279691noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4253506665415753283.post-73315728120250187302019-06-14T13:47:00.002-07:002019-06-14T13:47:56.533-07:00Wandering, Wondering, and Welcomed Back<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-HssPvlCC9vE/XQQHwa0F9mI/AAAAAAAABBk/3LtPRNcbYl08MvIv4ZbzN_j4A4bTaq9UwCLcBGAs/s1600/Wondering%2Bwandering.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="180" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-HssPvlCC9vE/XQQHwa0F9mI/AAAAAAAABBk/3LtPRNcbYl08MvIv4ZbzN_j4A4bTaq9UwCLcBGAs/s320/Wondering%2Bwandering.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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(originally <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="spelling" data-pwa-dictionary-word="journaled" data-pwa-hint="Unknown word: journaled" data-pwa-id="pwa-41BDA0FE511302020873DD749936C22C" data-pwa-rule-id="SIMPLE_SPELLING" data-pwa-suggestions="journal'd~journals'd~jour naled">journaled</pwa> May 20, 2018)<br />
<br />
A friend posted on Facebook <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="that " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-9C7B2D41DE38B4A7DF66D563B2088FFE" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_1513" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">that </pwa>he's wondering if it's possible to return to Jesus without having to deal with <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word="church" data-pwa-hint="Possible missing determiner" data-pwa-id="pwa-3D116BFCC26DB01C3F0914B468ECA02A" data-pwa-rule-id="DET_CG_2" data-pwa-suggestions="a church~the church">church</pwa>. Seems to me that the mere fact he's thinking about this means <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="that " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-DFAFE02D6813A02D8FCE9704BD9D2AD2" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_1513" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">that </pwa>You have probably already <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="initiated" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by using: started" data-pwa-id="pwa-92555B03256568ACBB4FE808A0922A8A" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_2063" data-pwa-suggestions="started">initiated</pwa> the conversation.<br />
<br />
It made me think of my own fears: that I won't <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="be accepted" data-pwa-hint="Passive verbs make your writing less direct. Try to use an active verb instead." data-pwa-id="pwa-BE4B425F3C5C325AB15538D5535D70B0" data-pwa-rule-id="null" data-pwa-suggestions="">be accepted</pwa> after I've "denied" You or at least not stood up for You and complained about Your church and wondered if it's all true<pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word=", after all" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-83369D5F65ED38CE0F27E955B972BEDC" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_665" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">, </pwa><pwa class="pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="" data-pwa-dictionary-word="after all " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-26780EEC1103923346B6529A26B600E3" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_665" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)"><pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word=", after all" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-83369D5F65ED38CE0F27E955B972BEDC" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_665" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">after all</pwa>. F</pwa>ear and embarrassment about what people might think of me if I "stood up strong and declared my belief in You" Fear of maybe "having" to go to church and <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="be involved" data-pwa-hint="Passive verbs make your writing less direct. Try to use an active verb instead." data-pwa-id="pwa-C657B62F7DE4690FA6D3D1E33720C58D" data-pwa-rule-id="null" data-pwa-suggestions="">be involved</pwa> in programs and things there that I don't want to or am afraid of.<br />
<br />
You know I sometimes even wonder if You are real, at least in the distinct terms or definitions of You <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="I have been taught" data-pwa-hint="Passive verbs make your writing less direct. Try to use an active verb instead." data-pwa-id="pwa-224A1B68458C65A8F2048D855829AA06" data-pwa-rule-id="PASSIVE_VOICE" data-pwa-suggestions="they have taught me~it has taught me~someone has taught me~it have taught me">I have been taught</pwa>. Yet it's <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="pretty " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-924F9562C03961351BB5C4EFE8E0B9F2" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_464" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">pretty </pwa>apparent You keep calling me back<pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word="--" data-pwa-hint="Do you want to use an em-dash here?" data-pwa-id="pwa-258C3AE6AC1DDEF2E17D0E8C18D8E993" data-pwa-rule-id="EM_DASH_DOUBLE" data-pwa-suggestions="—">--</pwa>a miracle<pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word=" in itself" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-6540A645F894DD9FA171BE29351FD140" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_237" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)"> in itself</pwa>. Well, I know that my "wonderings" are more on an intellectual level since deep inside it always ends up <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="that " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-FE98E0227045CFC3DA87BA718435651E" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_1513" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">that </pwa>I know You are with me and always have been.<br />
<br />
You don't let Your children go, do You (unless maybe they really, really want to, and really, really deny You)? I remember going to a church camp and there was a young man, a few years older than me, who had I guess wandered away, and then there he was, talking about how You'd drawn him back, and then they sang this song that has always stuck by me no matter my own wonderings and wanderings:<br />
<br />
<pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word=""" data-pwa-hint="Make sure that all of the quotations and brackets in this paragraph are closed." data-pwa-id="pwa-792A0549CDF8F6247B8B735FC9AB76C3" data-pwa-rule-id="STRUCTURED_PUNCTUATION" data-pwa-suggestions="">"</pwa>Welcome back to the things <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="that " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-C3821F91964014B268AD2141C525CF10" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_1513" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">that </pwa>you once believed in,<br />
Welcome back to what you knew was right from the start....<br />
Welcome back to the love <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="that " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-20E6341CD786EF8AF29E54DC1A0FFA22" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_2250" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">that </pwa>is in your heart.<br />
I know that you thought you could turn your back,<br />
And no one could see in your mind,<br />
But I can see that you know better now....<br />
Sometimes you just don't know what you're missing,<br />
Til you leave it for <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word="awhile" data-pwa-hint="Possible confused word" data-pwa-id="pwa-8A86E2F934FC1246C579FBD8ECBC2EDD" data-pwa-rule-id="FOR_AWHILE" data-pwa-suggestions="a while">awhile</pwa>.<br />
Welcome back to Jesus.<pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word=""" data-pwa-hint="Make sure that all of the quotations and brackets in this paragraph are closed." data-pwa-id="pwa-1DD352216222BC3E9B38EA96BB08F35A" data-pwa-rule-id="STRUCTURED_PUNCTUATION" data-pwa-suggestions="">"</pwa><br />
(Chuck Girard).<br />
<br />
I've <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="found myself wondering" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by using: wondered" data-pwa-id="pwa-C990637DA35351EE91FBCCFB214C0012" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_1742" data-pwa-suggestions="wondered">found myself wondering</pwa>, lately, where I got so off track for so long. And why? But maybe it was a stripping kind of time. Pulling away parts that were extras, padding that was blocking me from seeing You. (Which is maybe why I'm nervous about picking up so many things related to church<pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word="--" data-pwa-hint="Do you want to use an em-dash here?" data-pwa-id="pwa-28DB2787066FBFD64411942723892B9F" data-pwa-rule-id="EM_DASH_DOUBLE" data-pwa-suggestions="—">--</pwa>and even personal devotions and stuff).<br />
<br />
I don't want to do things because I "should" but only because when it comes down to it, I know I <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="do " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-D844A398EE885F58FC5538BD4732F995" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_626" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">do </pwa>believe in and love You, even with all my doubts and wonderings and wanderings from all the paraphernalia that has gathered around You.<br />
<br />
It's easier, I guess, to "do things" that "show love" than <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word="to actually bare" data-pwa-hint="Split infinitive. Some people strongly object to this type of construction, especially in formal writing. If your reader is likely to object to the split infinitive, rewrite the sentence to avoid its use." data-pwa-id="pwa-BAD8A12968F4D23854D2FC83BA93CF54" data-pwa-rule-id="SPLT_INFI" data-pwa-suggestions="">to actually bare</pwa> one's heart and be vulnerable and <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="actually " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-988BD7122565ACD27A30B149575D58CC" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_1820" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">actually </pwa>love. I don't like to <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="be hurt" data-pwa-hint="Passive verbs make your writing less direct. Try to use an active verb instead." data-pwa-id="pwa-083147FD6BF6A1896C21D78A2D7D3322" data-pwa-rule-id="null" data-pwa-suggestions="">be hurt</pwa>. I don't like to <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="be scorned" data-pwa-hint="Passive verbs make your writing less direct. Try to use an active verb instead." data-pwa-id="pwa-4D9BBE9D70F0C33BF085E997DDCCBB4C" data-pwa-rule-id="null" data-pwa-suggestions="">be scorned</pwa>.<br />
<br />
I like to be intellectual, because it feels safer. And it's easier to accept things that can <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="be proved" data-pwa-hint="Passive verbs make your writing less direct. Try to use an active verb instead." data-pwa-id="pwa-B01EF34BBCF0E8E111882DEBF4736786" data-pwa-rule-id="null" data-pwa-suggestions="">be proved</pwa>. I'm <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="a bit " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-C3FF60EF29AEB175B41BE56F7297FE51" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_449" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">a bit </pwa>skittish about things that can't <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="be proved" data-pwa-hint="Passive verbs make your writing less direct. Try to use an active verb instead." data-pwa-id="pwa-742C26938CFD753E9F278D11D3C01128" data-pwa-rule-id="null" data-pwa-suggestions="">be proved</pwa>. Though <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="it seems that " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-17465B56CAD72A9F19618CBE233ECE13" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_1100" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">it seems that </pwa>a lot of things that once were "proven" haven't turned out to be so.<br />
<br />
Faith is a difficult thing because we can't see it, quantify it. Can't even feel it emotionally <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="a lot of the time" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by using: often" data-pwa-id="pwa-90C8DF64701F1D3B1AC99D1CC8FEAE99" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_194" data-pwa-suggestions="often">a lot of the time</pwa>. Yet ... You have always been here with me. I've never doubted You. (Though I've doubted, sometimes still do, the theology and theory of it).<br />
<br />
I know I'm not the only one who thinks about these things. So many of Your children do (and yes, I'm <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="pretty " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-B1BF443FB88598E1620B6EF08B6DC6EE" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_464" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">pretty </pwa>sure they're still Your children, even with all their wonderings and questionings and fears and stuff. Because You don't let go, do You? You patiently keep loving, drawing ...)<br />
<br />
Like Octavius Winslow wrote:<br />
<br />
<pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word=""" data-pwa-hint="Make sure that all of the quotations and brackets in this paragraph are closed." data-pwa-id="pwa-EE1A4C3114CA776B5D6F86418F5BA169" data-pwa-rule-id="STRUCTURED_PUNCTUATION" data-pwa-suggestions="">"</pwa>Child of My love, lean hard,<br />
And let Me feel the pressure of thy care;<br />
I know thy burden, child. I shaped it;<br />
Poised it in Mine Own hand; made no proportion<br />
In its weight to thine own unaided strength.<br />
For even as I laid it on, I said,<br />
'I shall be near, and while she leans on Me,<br />
This burden shall be Mine, not hers;<br />
So shall I keep My child within the circling arms<br />
Of My <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="Own love" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by using: Love" data-pwa-id="pwa-179611C471A106DA01264666522458E0" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_2754" data-pwa-suggestions="Love">Own love</pwa>.' Here lay it down, nor fear<br />
To impose it on a shoulder which upholds<br />
The government of worlds. Yet closer come:<br />
Thou art not near enough. I would embrace thy care;<br />
So I might feel My child reposing on My breast.<br />
Thou <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="spelling" data-pwa-dictionary-word="lovest" data-pwa-hint="Unknown word: lovest" data-pwa-id="pwa-FE74C5A164E0BB16ECCA210DA2372785" data-pwa-rule-id="SIMPLE_SPELLING" data-pwa-suggestions="loves~livest">lovest</pwa> Me? Doubt not then;<br />
But loving Me, lean hard.<pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word=""" data-pwa-hint="Make sure that all of the quotations and brackets in this paragraph are closed." data-pwa-id="pwa-08FFCB408F0D9B5A16D6C7DE312180A6" data-pwa-rule-id="STRUCTURED_PUNCTUATION" data-pwa-suggestions="">"</pwa>Norma Hill - aka penandpapermamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02034679415355279691noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4253506665415753283.post-68409003510428082462019-05-30T06:34:00.001-07:002019-05-30T06:34:39.187-07:00Worship reflections: Prayers, Scripture, Hymns, Liturgy<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-csdpTc5OQmk/VmmujMqBl_I/AAAAAAAAARk/27OPWPMWj5MmapNSR9iCATp8peXWf1vkgCPcBGAYYCw/s1600/good%2Bshepherd%2BMCJ.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="555" data-original-width="745" height="238" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-csdpTc5OQmk/VmmujMqBl_I/AAAAAAAAARk/27OPWPMWj5MmapNSR9iCATp8peXWf1vkgCPcBGAYYCw/s320/good%2Bshepherd%2BMCJ.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
originally <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done pwa-mark-ignored" data-pwa-category="spelling" data-pwa-dictionary-word="journaled" data-pwa-hint="Unknown word: journaled" data-pwa-id="pwa-1B1F31CDB7AD1B2F336B186379F7DF4B" data-pwa-rule-id="SIMPLE_SPELLING" data-pwa-suggestions="journal'd~journals'd~jour naled">journaled</pwa> March 13, 2018<br />
<br />
How do you worship?<br />
<br />
For the past couple of years, I've been attending traditional Anglican services, where we use the Anglican Book of Common Prayer. At home I've been following The Divine Hours (P. Tickle) and Common Prayer: A Liturgy for Ordinary Radicals (S. Claiborne), and I've tried using centering prayer.<br />
<br />
And I <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="am feeling" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by using: felt" data-pwa-id="pwa-4EC26B8963A192302DACAC9A38860AED" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_1011" data-pwa-suggestions="felt">am feeling</pwa> that back in the day, in the "tradition" <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done pwa-mark-ignored" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="I was raised in" data-pwa-hint="Passive verbs make your writing less direct. Try to use an active verb instead." data-pwa-id="pwa-F80656DBEC5B7027D65329D968E9583B" data-pwa-rule-id="PASSIVE_VOICE" data-pwa-suggestions="it raised in me~they raised in me~someone raised in me~something raised in me">I was raised in</pwa>, we missed out<pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done pwa-mark-ignored" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word=", to some degree," data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-ADC3891D9751F1DC21154E33992B0CAC" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_614" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">, </pwa><pwa class="pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="" data-pwa-dictionary-word="to some degree " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-7A2FBCB7453BDE702784E214175F9D14" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_614" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)"><pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done pwa-mark-ignored" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word=", to some degree," data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-ADC3891D9751F1DC21154E33992B0CAC" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_614" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">to some degree,</pwa> </pwa>on the possibilities of prayer, though we prayed a lot.<br />
<br />
We prayed a lot. At home we had prayer before meals, daily family worship, individual devotions, bedtime prayers, scripture memorization, and prayer whenever circumstances called for it, like someone sick, setting out on a road trip, praying before guests left, financial needs, or upcoming events.<br />
<br />
At church, we had a fairly lengthy prayer (by the minister, usually) in each service, opening prayer for every special event or service, and <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word="weekly" data-pwa-hint="Possible missing determiner" data-pwa-id="pwa-EE1D9D9C851EFF6F6B64717226045660" data-pwa-rule-id="DET_CG_3" data-pwa-suggestions="a weekly~the weekly">weekly</pwa> prayer meeting, when everybody could pray. All were extemporaneous (created on the spot) other than the Lord's Prayer.<br />
<br />
Even at school, we all repeated the Lord's Prayer and listened to scripture reading each morning (until <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="it was phased" data-pwa-hint="Passive verbs make your writing less direct. Try to use an active verb instead." data-pwa-id="pwa-B449C644B7687503532FA5A4DB5AF935" data-pwa-rule-id="PASSIVE_VOICE" data-pwa-suggestions="they phased it~I phased it~we phased it">it </pwa><pwa class="pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="" data-pwa-dictionary-word="was phased" data-pwa-hint="Passive verbs make your writing less direct. Try to use an active verb instead." data-pwa-id="pwa-BB39C830A2417E398F25D3984F664352" data-pwa-rule-id="null" data-pwa-suggestions=""><pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="it was phased" data-pwa-hint="Passive verbs make your writing less direct. Try to use an active verb instead." data-pwa-id="pwa-B449C644B7687503532FA5A4DB5AF935" data-pwa-rule-id="PASSIVE_VOICE" data-pwa-suggestions="they phased it~I phased it~we phased it">was phased</pwa></pwa> out during my high school years).<br />
<br />
But the thing is, the emphasis was mostly on personal requests—for health, safety, finances, guidance, and so on. We <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="didn't often use" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by using: rarely used" data-pwa-id="pwa-ECD50F330A8002DA8980C961422C348A" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_1909" data-pwa-suggestions="rarely used">didn't often use</pwa> Scripture as a prayer itself or as a prayer pattern, other than the Lord's Prayer (though I suppose we <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="did cover" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by using: covered" data-pwa-id="pwa-AA42C8B8DB4FF50932448E3D15022863" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_626" data-pwa-suggestions="covered">did cover</pwa> "Scriptural praise" through hymns and choruses). There was a <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="very " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-F13723C7BA8F1A0199662E68A6321DFB" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_297" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">very </pwa>simple "liturgy" of prayers for communion, all repeated by the minister, that I remember from my early years, but that <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="was mostly phased" data-pwa-hint="Passive verbs make your writing less direct. Try to use an active verb instead." data-pwa-id="pwa-413BF94DCD86E0A9A4D3E1C5F89A6902" data-pwa-rule-id="null" data-pwa-suggestions="">was mostly phased</pwa> out in favour of<pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word=", I think," data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-081AB5ADF501414A5719DBFB1294D29E" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_1236" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">, I think,</pwa> being "creative" and "personal" and "non-traditional" and "modern."<br />
<br />
We didn't, so far as I remember, draw much upon traditional prayers passed down through the church ages, nor did we use any of the church "creeds." I <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="did learn" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by using: learned" data-pwa-id="pwa-F13E2D16E69BD63D5666E564E7B820A8" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_626" data-pwa-suggestions="learned">did learn</pwa> the Apostle's Creed in our church's children's club <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="in order " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-75A74A51518B5F37FD6664493D63A083" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_640" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">in order </pwa>to earn a badge—but with no context, no knowledge of where it came from or its significance. There seemed to be a great caution—fear even—of anything that smacked of "tradition," and we prided ourselves on being "non-liturgical" even though the weekly Sunday service bulletin proved we <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="certainly " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-DBCA3C6008985C0411EFA45D6AFAC64C" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_465" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">certainly </pwa>followed a distinct pattern that <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="was rarely deviated" data-pwa-hint="Passive verbs make your writing less direct. Try to use an active verb instead." data-pwa-id="pwa-5D2EDEF349B4801E6260F0815C71603D" data-pwa-rule-id="null" data-pwa-suggestions="">was rarely deviated</pwa> from and was, dare I say, religiously followed. A liturgy of our own, unrecognized<pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word=" as such" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-74A10F76739B1192B18EC22A5573B773" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_199" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)"> as such</pwa>?<br />
<br />
Our church hymn book had a few simple liturgical passages in the back, which I <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="don't ever" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by using: never" data-pwa-id="pwa-7A88543C7F37AA169BFF7D429D400208" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_1352" data-pwa-suggestions="never">don't ever</pwa> remember being used, and a section of "responsive" readings from the Psalms which <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="were used" data-pwa-hint="Passive verbs make your writing less direct. Try to use an active verb instead." data-pwa-id="pwa-45D2804FDE8885D310B55DD98A26C3B4" data-pwa-rule-id="null" data-pwa-suggestions="">were used</pwa> on rare occasions.<br />
<br />
So <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="in a sense, " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-41925CC398CE11AC4FE1D90B60E27DE6" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_256" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">in a sense,</pwa><pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="in a sense, " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-41925CC398CE11AC4FE1D90B60E27DE6" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_256" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)"> </pwa>the hymns were our "congregational prayers" I guess. And worthy ones, at that. Happy and joyous, deep and repentant ... I think the hymn book was our "liturgy," and maybe when we gave up hymns, replacing them with "worship choruses" (which seem to me, on reflection, to be much more focused on "I" while the hymns were <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="generally " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-3E70B6360071F3ED84302EC5310A7076" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_433" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">generally </pwa>more focused on God and scripture), we lost an important part of our worship.<br />
<br />
I still have a copy of one <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="of the hymnbooks" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by using: hymnbook" data-pwa-id="pwa-C2620EC32ABDFB2980CD27F84BB99F9B" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_2173" data-pwa-suggestions="hymnbook">of the hymnbooks</pwa> we used. Of "The Role of a Hymnal" it says:<br />
<br />
"The faith and life of the church have always found expression and reinforcement through its hymnody.... The hymnal teaches and inspires. It expresses faith, hope, and love. It voices our experience and aspiration. It is a way to share. It is a rich source of biblical theology. It is where we join with the saints of other centuries in a common expression of joy, praise, and worship. It is a force for unity. It is a stimulus to Christian action and evangelism. It leads to God and to men. The combination of lyric and melody fastens truth upon the inner man."<br />
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All fine and good—and sounds very much like a description of the Anglican Book of Common Prayer, doesn't it? So ... why have we so often cast aside the "deep things" of our common congregational worship? And is that casting aside of the long "traditions" of the church in liturgy, scripture reading, common prayers—and yes, hymns—a cause of so many people (including myself for a long time) drifting away from the church (and its Founder and Centre)? What do you think?Norma Hill - aka penandpapermamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02034679415355279691noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4253506665415753283.post-88972780906292555222019-05-28T15:17:00.002-07:002019-05-28T15:17:44.279-07:00Taking a leaporiginally <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="spelling" data-pwa-dictionary-word="journaled" data-pwa-hint="Unknown word: journaled" data-pwa-id="pwa-9AEEEA6AA94426458C072C0B66327844" data-pwa-rule-id="SIMPLE_SPELLING" data-pwa-suggestions="journal'd~journals'd~jour naled">journaled</pwa> Feb 26, 2018<br />
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-t4g-bD4I96U/WUfyb_7r0kI/AAAAAAAAAto/fOfN4d9Ql8MFFyLKXH0HVfiTT2L4LsjkwCPcBGAYYCw/s1600/flying%2Bleap.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="225" data-original-width="300" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-t4g-bD4I96U/WUfyb_7r0kI/AAAAAAAAAto/fOfN4d9Ql8MFFyLKXH0HVfiTT2L4LsjkwCPcBGAYYCw/s1600/flying%2Bleap.jpg" /></a></div>
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Maybe I've crossed a bridge (or taken a leap, or <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="been picked" data-pwa-hint="Passive verbs make your writing less direct. Try to use an active verb instead." data-pwa-id="pwa-68861A5CD53A0BC9E32CEEB9E87D7C2A" data-pwa-rule-id="null" data-pwa-suggestions="">been picked</pwa> up and carried over a chasm or a wall or something by Your loving hands...) but yesterday for the first time in a <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done pwa-mark-ignored" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="very " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-AE1FACC10C36C47F630BC5F7DDE63F0F" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_297" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">very </pwa>long time I had a sense of longing for You<pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word="--" data-pwa-hint="Do you want to use an em-dash here?" data-pwa-id="pwa-C179C5FD5667C8C77AFAFFD0269FF10C" data-pwa-rule-id="EM_DASH_DOUBLE" data-pwa-suggestions="—">--</pwa>like a "deer pants in the desert for springs of living water," you know.<br />
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I don't care so much about happiness and pleasure ... but I want Your joy!<br />
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I don't care so much about mushy human love and friends ... but I want the love of God and neighbours You offer and promise.<br />
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I don't care so much about solving wars and political upheavals and even religious/Christian ones ... but I long for contentment in You and Your peace that passes all human understanding in the hearts of people everywhere (because that's the only way true peace will ever come).<br />
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Norma Hill - aka penandpapermamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02034679415355279691noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4253506665415753283.post-66240234548319390762019-05-01T10:08:00.000-07:002019-05-01T10:08:16.074-07:00Looking Back for Assurance and Thinking About Prayer<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-3y13KYygGEE/WCtcExbTe2I/AAAAAAAAAaA/OSRKvbpOn5gkyyI6oNvrQSVP3N4KB8h4gCPcBGAYYCw/s1600/comfortable.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="194" data-original-width="259" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-3y13KYygGEE/WCtcExbTe2I/AAAAAAAAAaA/OSRKvbpOn5gkyyI6oNvrQSVP3N4KB8h4gCPcBGAYYCw/s1600/comfortable.jpg" /></a></div>
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When I'm going through a "dry spell" (AKA wilderness experience), it's helpful to look back through my journals and <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done pwa-mark-ignored" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="be reminded" data-pwa-hint="Passive verbs make your writing less direct. Try to use an active verb instead." data-pwa-id="pwa-296E3BB718007A6F86E410EAE46A0DE0" data-pwa-rule-id="null" data-pwa-suggestions=""><pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="be reminded" data-pwa-hint="Passive verbs make your writing less direct. Try to use an active verb instead." data-pwa-id="pwa-EBA9A966B679927BBA1DF4CF0DBE3C3F" data-pwa-rule-id="null" data-pwa-suggestions="">be reminded</pwa></pwa> of past moments when I was feeling more light. (A good reason to <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done pwa-mark-ignored" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word="journal" data-pwa-hint="Possible missing determiner" data-pwa-id="pwa-C6A2DB8EA091A4A1D351DF7AD81462CB" data-pwa-rule-id="DET_CG_2" data-pwa-suggestions="a journal~the journal"><pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word="journal" data-pwa-hint="Possible missing determiner" data-pwa-id="pwa-909B76214C222271C68D989EBEA03EA1" data-pwa-rule-id="DET_CG_2" data-pwa-suggestions="a journal~the journal">journal</pwa></pwa>). Here's an example:<br />
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(<pwa class="pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="spelling" data-pwa-dictionary-word="Journaled" data-pwa-hint="Unknown word: Journaled" data-pwa-id="pwa-2C3F2972B8EAEE7D71EA8F88E497D48C" data-pwa-rule-id="SIMPLE_SPELLING" data-pwa-suggestions="Journal~Arnold~Ronald~Journals~Fernald"><pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="spelling" data-pwa-dictionary-word="Journaled" data-pwa-hint="Unknown word: Journaled" data-pwa-id="pwa-A2EEA8D89821AF2C0A2FADC2E85BA976" data-pwa-rule-id="SIMPLE_SPELLING" data-pwa-suggestions="Journal~Arnold~Ronald~Journals~Fernald">Journa</pwa></pwa><pwa class="pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="spelling" data-pwa-dictionary-word="Journaled" data-pwa-hint="Unknown word: Journaled" data-pwa-id="pwa-2C3F2972B8EAEE7D71EA8F88E497D48C" data-pwa-rule-id="SIMPLE_SPELLING" data-pwa-suggestions="Journal~Arnold~Ronald~Journals~Fernald"><pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="spelling" data-pwa-dictionary-word="Journaled" data-pwa-hint="Unknown word: Journaled" data-pwa-id="pwa-A2EEA8D89821AF2C0A2FADC2E85BA976" data-pwa-rule-id="SIMPLE_SPELLING" data-pwa-suggestions="Journal~Arnold~Ronald~Journals~Fernald">led</pwa></pwa> August 14, 2017)<br />
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Well! I had a wonderful "mini-retreat" kind of weekend ... and feel much more assured you love me, are with me, approve of me ... and are guiding me even when I don't "see" it in any emotional or "concrete" way. But <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done pwa-mark-ignored" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="on the other hand, " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-96FF6B890D6ED38AEE7D9304C26A2549" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_377" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)"><pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="on the other hand, " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-E8ED9D926341E30C89E3D4718F44291E" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_377" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">on the other hand, </pwa></pwa>this whole weekend has provided <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done pwa-mark-ignored" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="pretty " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-4B79C8F402A940F0BCF559CCC23E715C" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_464" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)"><pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="pretty " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-FD9E235773C399DAA541302A5F4E9A4F" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_464" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">pretty </pwa></pwa>concrete assurance You are in me, in my life.<br />
<br />
Yes, I'd like <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done pwa-mark-ignored" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word="to somehow be" data-pwa-hint="Split infinitive. Some people strongly object to this type of construction, especially in formal writing. If your reader is likely to object to the split infinitive, rewrite the sentence to avoid its use." data-pwa-id="pwa-0CD2BC6DCB060624D37DE15FFA6A3494" data-pwa-rule-id="SPLT_INFI" data-pwa-suggestions=""><pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word="to somehow be" data-pwa-hint="Split infinitive. Some people strongly object to this type of construction, especially in formal writing. If your reader is likely to object to the split infinitive, rewrite the sentence to avoid its use." data-pwa-id="pwa-8DD7A06D0B75877F3A15C1CB6E0740F0" data-pwa-rule-id="SPLT_INFI" data-pwa-suggestions="">to somehow be</pwa></pwa> more "<pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done pwa-mark-ignored" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="clearly" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-A784F03072354FBEE403DF0E479B79B9" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_212" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)"><pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="clearly" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-9CEF8FF2992744E4566DBB02F9F57EF2" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_212" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">clearly</pwa></pwa> Christian" and reach out to people more clearly and be surer that I'm including You in all my daily activities, but I am glad to know You are with and in me even without the "for sure<pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done pwa-mark-ignored" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word=", clearly" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-2C7F1A6D53A46EA9DDB2FB476968F9A6" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_212" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)"><pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word=", clearly" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-E355DD36FC5A971213AEE03BFBE7F126" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_212" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">, clearly</pwa></pwa>."<br />
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The <i>Flee, Be Silent, Pray</i> book has been a great help and assurance, and I feel relieved at the thought of being able to have short devotional times a few times daily vs intensive many chapters of reading and long prayers.<br />
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I've been wondering about so many people with their "needs." I always remember hearing about that girl in India who would pray by name for 500 or 600 people every night. And great men of the church who'd pray for 4 or more hours a day on their knees in the closet or at their bedside, wearing dips right into the floor. And Susanna Wesley's prayer times with her apron over her head while her dozen kids ran around (though she <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done pwa-mark-ignored" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="did have" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by using: had" data-pwa-id="pwa-E86226AC3E844B7499934AD1BD4DAB14" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_626" data-pwa-suggestions="had"><pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="did have" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by using: had" data-pwa-id="pwa-6A3C491918D879CB7D1828530F452EA4" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_626" data-pwa-suggestions="had">did have</pwa></pwa> a cook, gardener, and maids). <span class="rangySelectionBoundary" id="selectionBoundary_1556120681595_01335538119584001" style="display: none; line-height: 0;"></span><br />
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We were so taught that real, great Christians prayed and prayed and prayed—until they "broke through"--though these mostly seemed to be clergymen with wives to take care of the home and family or single people without too many daily responsibilities. :<pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word="-" data-pwa-hint="Possible missing determiner" data-pwa-id="pwa-AFF6EDBF537BFDCBBC8301F424E4C6A2" data-pwa-rule-id="DET_CG_2" data-pwa-suggestions="a -~the -">-</pwa>)<br />
<br />
<pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done pwa-mark-ignored" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="I've always been attracted" data-pwa-hint="Passive verbs make your writing less direct. Try to use an active verb instead." data-pwa-id="pwa-DA6D42749531C2BA1F4D6E28942E7B6F" data-pwa-rule-id="null" data-pwa-suggestions="It has always attracted me~They have always attracted me"><pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="I've always been attracted" data-pwa-hint="Passive verbs make your writing less direct. Try to use an active verb instead." data-pwa-id="pwa-EF41AB0DA26F6720C71281376074CE8D" data-pwa-rule-id="null" data-pwa-suggestions="It has always attracted me~They have always attracted me">I've always been attracted</pwa></pwa> more by Brother Lawrence's approach, which is much more related to being aware of and listening to You in all the little moments of the day (as explained in <i><pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done pwa-mark-ignored" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="The Practice of the Presence" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by using: the Presence's Practice" data-pwa-id="pwa-450D046E530EE2AEE3DC746458A42079" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_2767" data-pwa-suggestions="the Presence's Practice"><pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="The Practice of the Presence" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by using: the Presence's Practice" data-pwa-id="pwa-2F31472FCD9F0FD5000796968B0F2175" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_2767" data-pwa-suggestions="the Presence's Practice">The Practice of the Presence</pwa></pwa> of God</i>). And the books I've been reading lately, like <i>The Divine Hours</i> and <i>Contemplative Prayer</i> and <i>The Examen</i> seem to line up with this path. I've been finding the Anglican <i>Book of Common Prayer</i> and Claiborne's <i>Common Prayer</i> helpful in this way, too.Norma Hill - aka penandpapermamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02034679415355279691noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4253506665415753283.post-50597039870450669452019-05-01T10:06:00.000-07:002019-05-01T10:13:52.276-07:00Rational to Transcendent<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-rxpb9Vi0Vjc/V8dceRL6zEI/AAAAAAAAAV0/3wnaYImHH-wf9pmb0ThkT9E4o8WkjANmQCPcBGAYYCw/s1600/creation%2Band%2Bglorifying%2BGod.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="183" data-original-width="275" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-rxpb9Vi0Vjc/V8dceRL6zEI/AAAAAAAAAV0/3wnaYImHH-wf9pmb0ThkT9E4o8WkjANmQCPcBGAYYCw/s1600/creation%2Band%2Bglorifying%2BGod.jpg" /></a></div>
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(originally <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done pwa-mark-ignored" data-pwa-category="spelling" data-pwa-dictionary-word="journaled" data-pwa-hint="Unknown word: journaled" data-pwa-id="pwa-8E6517EE8F2650CD31AA06D71B86B5A2" data-pwa-rule-id="SIMPLE_SPELLING" data-pwa-suggestions="journal'd~journals'd~jour naled"><pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="spelling" data-pwa-dictionary-word="journaled" data-pwa-hint="Unknown word: journaled" data-pwa-id="pwa-6F39C50D2AFBF0A4600FF80CB6AEDB8F" data-pwa-rule-id="SIMPLE_SPELLING" data-pwa-suggestions="journal'd~journals'd~jour naled">journaled</pwa></pwa> Feb 9/18)<br />
<br />
I was listening to a discussion on the radio about artificial intelligence (AI) and where it is taking us, and the difference between "super machine intelligence" and "general intelligence" (and how the latter is what—so far—separates us from AI). They were using the word "transcendent" and You spoke <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="to me " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-0F4D30E796A716562FF461E1364D74FC" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_183" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">to me </pwa>through that word.<br />
<br />
I realized that in the past, my longing for study, though not "wrong," was more based on my "love of learning"--an intellectual, reasoning, rational approach—which now as I'm getting older, I am experiencing a longing to know You in a more intimate way. To grow into Your mind, as in "Put on the mind of Christ," and to live in Your love and allow You to share it with others through me.<br />
<br />
Some years ago, I <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="did go" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by using: went" data-pwa-id="pwa-27D9C630DD0C29933991CCB06C42CB91" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_626" data-pwa-suggestions="went">did go</pwa> through times when I would hear You and write it down and share it with others. But then came a long period of depression and exhaustion—and avoiding "churchy" things—and I seemed to lose any ability to hear You.<br />
<br />
I'm back to doing "devotions" again—scripture, hymns, Divine Hours, personal prayers—but so much of the time I end up feeling "but shouldn't there be more?"<br />
<br />
<pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="Part of it" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by using: Part" data-pwa-id="pwa-D12B264A9C800130B6DBDC30B9C2BD38" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_970" data-pwa-suggestions="Part">Part of it</pwa>, I know, is that I'm afraid to write things down <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="that " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-B2B2E5C3DA8A06335B6BD4582DB5DF53" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_1513" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">that </pwa>I <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="do " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-C91231D73AF72CA2EB4CB2400EB10334" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_626" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">do </pwa>hear from You. Afraid of what people might think, yes. But also afraid to move from a rational (with <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="a bit of " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-9DA7C7A95ADB695E52B49097767F44FF" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_449" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">a bit of </pwa>emotional) knowing of You to a more transcendent relationship with You, the Transcendent One. Lord?Norma Hill - aka penandpapermamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02034679415355279691noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4253506665415753283.post-87053179479020921962019-04-27T16:29:00.000-07:002019-04-27T16:29:02.712-07:00Simplicity vs Clutter<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ji1y1TQKg7c/XMTgUIidxfI/AAAAAAAABAw/e0tnp7xC1fUFJZd3eangAfnXGdqDv-nrACLcBGAs/s1600/simplicity.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1142" data-original-width="1600" height="228" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ji1y1TQKg7c/XMTgUIidxfI/AAAAAAAABAw/e0tnp7xC1fUFJZd3eangAfnXGdqDv-nrACLcBGAs/s320/simplicity.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>
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(originally <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done pwa-mark-ignored" data-pwa-category="spelling" data-pwa-dictionary-word="journaled" data-pwa-hint="Unknown word: journaled" data-pwa-id="pwa-DD65A9162FA249EA10F953EB776A7DB1" data-pwa-rule-id="SIMPLE_SPELLING" data-pwa-suggestions="journal'd~journals'd~jour naled">journaled</pwa> Jan 8 2017)<br />
<br />
I'm feeling overwhelmed by "clutter" ... so much stuff I truly don't need or even want. My life feels cluttered.<br />
<br />
I want simplicity: <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done pwa-mark-ignored" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word=""" data-pwa-hint="Make sure that all of the quotations and brackets in this paragraph are closed." data-pwa-id="pwa-07EE499A73D61E19F795F77C8D936490" data-pwa-rule-id="STRUCTURED_PUNCTUATION" data-pwa-suggestions="">"</pwa> ... the arrangement of life around a few consistent purposes, explicitly excluding what is <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done pwa-mark-ignored" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="not necessary" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by using: unnecessary" data-pwa-id="pwa-59B3BC6E270B384BDE7A4D165D120943" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_221" data-pwa-suggestions="unnecessary">not necessary</pwa> to human well-being." (Willard)<br />
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I'm afraid this constant drive I have to learn, learn, learn, teach, teach, teach, write, write, write, discuss, discuss, discuss, reason, reason, reason—may <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done pwa-mark-ignored" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="be driven" data-pwa-hint="Passive verbs make your writing less direct. Try to use an active verb instead." data-pwa-id="pwa-A95C5F9206AC15C1F8D69545FD36E472" data-pwa-rule-id="null" data-pwa-suggestions="">be driven</pwa> to a large degree by my fear of dementia. Every time I forget a word I <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done pwa-mark-ignored" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="begin to " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-6E64CA7F3E4FEE4267B3710110D22877" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_931" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">begin to </pwa>panic (and then I really can't remember it).<br />
<br />
Oh dear God, I want peace. And I don't think peace comes with dementia. My mom was such a peaceful person (in You, I'm sure), and then the dementia took her <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done pwa-mark-ignored" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word="peace" data-pwa-hint="Possible confused word" data-pwa-id="pwa-A62E71274D9B098F2A07FAADC16029BA" data-pwa-rule-id="CRFSR_PEACE_17" data-pwa-suggestions="pace">peace</pwa> away. She became worried and upset as she realized what was happening<pwa class="pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="" data-pwa-dictionary-word=" ." data-pwa-hint="The punctuation mark '.' may not require a space before it. Consider removing the space." data-pwa-id="pwa-1F5DEB346867F5FE37AD21EA6849CA1E" data-pwa-rule-id="WHITESPACE" data-pwa-suggestions=".">. She did some bizarre things she would never have done before.</pwa> Yet at the end, the nurses on the dementia ward commented on how very peaceful she was in her last days. No fear. No worry. Sweetness and gentleness (like she used to be).<br />
<br />
But <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done pwa-mark-ignored" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="generally, " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-A7409B5B4F7AD6BEAB5C59AB0FF4CD16" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_433" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">generally, </pwa>so far as I can see (I spent several years visiting my mom in dementia care units, and so I saw plenty of it), dementia does not seem to be a peaceful state, at least until the patient doesn't seem to know anyone or anything anymore. (And even then, some become more and more unpeaceful... Maybe they're people who never learned to trust You? Or?).<br />
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Is it all right to ask You this: Where are You when dementia takes over? Are You still present? Are people with dementia aware deep within of Your presence?<br />
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And what about people with serious mental illness? Children born with serious issues who never develop mentally or spend their lives in bodies that don't function? People who <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done pwa-mark-ignored" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="never did anything" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by using: did nothing" data-pwa-id="pwa-E10E463811806B43ED8C749F20CC42C1" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_1064" data-pwa-suggestions="did nothing">never did anything</pwa> wrong to "deserve" it?<span class="rangySelectionBoundary" id="selectionBoundary_1556407179750_7930530152601099" style="display: none; line-height: 0;"></span><br />
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I get (mostly) that what You think is worthwhile and important is way different from what we think. But I feel like time is just rushing by and my life is so busy-busy and cluttered, yet with all my effort I'm not doing anything <pwa class="pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="" data-pwa-dictionary-word="truly " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-D1187E0F3E8ED78B70308A49721BC3BB" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_2264" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)"><pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done pwa-mark-ignored" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="truly " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-8A6A06510B0A986D52F272EF896D0D10" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_2264" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">truly</pwa></pwa><pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done pwa-mark-ignored" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="truly " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-8A6A06510B0A986D52F272EF896D0D10" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_2264" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)"> </pwa>worthwhile for myself or my family or anyone else—even for You. I see so many failings on my part.<span class="rangySelectionBoundary" id="selectionBoundary_1556407522911_9407841292322383" style="display: none; line-height: 0;"></span><br />
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Oh! But just now I am experiencing a deep sense <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done pwa-mark-ignored" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="You are pleased" data-pwa-hint="Passive verbs make your writing less direct. Try to use an active verb instead." data-pwa-id="pwa-3E7C443BA4154927CA1E64BEE1C86575" data-pwa-rule-id="null" data-pwa-suggestions="they please you~it please you~it pleases you~I please you~someone please you~us please you~something pleases you~something please you~they pleases you~I pleases you~us pleases you~someone pleases you">You are pleased</pwa> with me even if I can't see anything particularly worthwhile. Peace <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done pwa-mark-ignored" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="in the midst of" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by using: amid, during" data-pwa-id="pwa-0F446EEC432A0A66B091AF6DB2421A56" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_2965" data-pwa-suggestions="amid~during">in the midst of</pwa> my self-induced storm. You really <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done pwa-mark-ignored" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="do " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-E1902DADBDDCBD6FC743AA09841DBB07" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_626" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">do </pwa>love me, don't You? Amazing grace. Thank you.<span class="rangySelectionBoundary" id="selectionBoundary_1556407721811_2777198714203377" style="display: none; line-height: 0;"></span>Norma Hill - aka penandpapermamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02034679415355279691noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4253506665415753283.post-36023049733836334212019-04-22T07:11:00.000-07:002019-04-22T07:11:28.022-07:00Stories I've Bought Into?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-J2bxepxI9iA/XL3Gcjuj4mI/AAAAAAAABAQ/5h2skp6C6g0JGK_5Bi9ba8Hx2BfEursTgCLcBGAs/s1600/busy%2Bstudy.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="173" data-original-width="291" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-J2bxepxI9iA/XL3Gcjuj4mI/AAAAAAAABAQ/5h2skp6C6g0JGK_5Bi9ba8Hx2BfEursTgCLcBGAs/s1600/busy%2Bstudy.png" /></a></div>
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(originally <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done pwa-mark-ignored" data-pwa-category="spelling" data-pwa-dictionary-word="journaled" data-pwa-hint="Unknown word: journaled" data-pwa-id="pwa-5EB96221E43DD5EFD4A2C1655E7F9864" data-pwa-rule-id="SIMPLE_SPELLING" data-pwa-suggestions="journal'd~journals'd~jour naled">journaled</pwa> August 5, 2017)<br />
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(And now, a year and a half later, too much of this is still true. Truly, it is time for <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done pwa-mark-ignored" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word="change" data-pwa-hint="Possible missing determiner" data-pwa-id="pwa-158DEB6BA25C5292115B6986B44431B9" data-pwa-rule-id="DET_CG_2" data-pwa-suggestions="a change~the change">change</pwa>!)<br />
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My brain is going all over the place. Scattered. Lack of focus.<br />
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Maybe I really <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done pwa-mark-ignored" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="do " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-B3F8BAA3E7CFA8DACBC6D9C806CB7BAF" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_626" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">do </pwa>need to do that DIY MFA (https://diymfa.com/) with lots of reading—and writing. Maybe I do long for my dream of intentional community where I could be the granny teacher/facilitator/intellectual/thinker.<br />
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Is it all right to dream? Or is it greedy? Or foolish? Or self-centred?<br />
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I <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done pwa-mark-ignored" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="happened to listen" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by using: listened" data-pwa-id="pwa-5B67BEDBE56BF14A9755D7C06D449334" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_2888" data-pwa-suggestions="listened">happened to listen</pwa> to an interview on CBC Radio with Harold Johnson, author of "Firewater: How Alcohol Is Killing My People (and Yours)." He said we believe stories. That's why they are so powerful. But if a story is casting us as victims (or other negative things) we need to change the story. We need to make a new story and believe it and act on it.<br />
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I think that is right. He talked about "the drunk Indian" story but I think it is also true about other stories we tell ourselves. Or stories others have told us about ourselves and have accepted.<br />
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Personally, I think that is why I feel so tired, exhausted, <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word="sort" data-pwa-hint="Possible missing determiner" data-pwa-id="pwa-693ECDE3823D7C9497F488FED7E3651F" data-pwa-rule-id="DET_CG_2" data-pwa-suggestions="a sort~the sort">sort</pwa> of depressed these days: I <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done pwa-mark-ignored" data-pwa-category="grammar" data-pwa-dictionary-word="am believing" data-pwa-hint="This verb is normally not used in the progressive form. Try a simple form instead." data-pwa-id="pwa-C6903EDDE4C464C663CE0A0CC649F982" data-pwa-rule-id="PROGRESSIVE_VERBS" data-pwa-suggestions="">am believing</pwa> stories like:<br />
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- I am old. (Is 62 really too old to start something fresh and new? Nah ... right?)<br />
<br />
- I <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="am likely going to" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by using: will likely" data-pwa-id="pwa-7C924C2675255EA8D5054AFF1D3A8222" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_1482" data-pwa-suggestions="will likely">am likely going to</pwa> have dementia since my mom and both her sisters have died from it, so it seems like it might be hereditary (but her brother is in his eighties and is still an active lawyer, so what about that?) (and all the girls' dementias were different types, from different causes). And every time I have a little "forgetful moment" (peoples' names, occasional words), I panic and think, "Oh no, it's already happening, so there's no point, no hope in starting something new."<br />
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- I can't afford to start something fresh and new because we've always been on the edge financially, and hubby is on disability, and we don't have a big pension to look forward to (and anyway, getting rich ... or even too comfortable ... is potentially dangerous, sinful, isn't it? I seem to recall hearing that little sermon many times back in the day).<br />
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- I never <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done pwa-mark-ignored" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="got a chance" data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by using: had time" data-pwa-id="pwa-01E2A880F061B0C2252A84823F06B05A" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_541" data-pwa-suggestions="had time">got a chance</pwa> to get my PhD because I made "choices" (bad ones, apparently) so I don't deserve to be a specialist or an expert or whatever. (And anyway, that's not a Christian woman's place in the world, is it? Another sermon I heard a lot <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done pwa-mark-ignored" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="back" data-pwa-hint="Use a plural noun after a plural quantifier" data-pwa-id="pwa-9AD00903714F59B9187007A6FAAF2490" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_2746" data-pwa-suggestions="backs">back</pwa> in the day...)<br />
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- I'm tired of "obeying" other people, doing what they think is best for me, but all my life I've been obedient (yeah, submissive) to people in "authority" because that is what women (and especially Christian women) <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done pwa-mark-ignored" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="are supposed" data-pwa-hint="Passive verbs make your writing less direct. Try to use an active verb instead." data-pwa-id="pwa-86DBE873B45E1C872AE5D2B27F55BD6A" data-pwa-rule-id="null" data-pwa-suggestions="">are supposed</pwa> to do? Yep, I'm feeling <pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done pwa-mark-ignored" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="really " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-7FA0625460F7636FD33D05AF89ADA3BA" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_2264" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">really </pwa>rebellious about that sermon...<br />
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- I'm kind of "stuck" with tutoring and editing because they make me enough money to pay the bills ... even though I want to do less of them and more writing.<br />
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- When I look at all the writing out there in the big wide world, I tell myself I have nothing <pwa class="pwa-mark-done" data-pwa-category="" data-pwa-dictionary-word="truly " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-840831FE5D3A1DE9246360B4487164E5" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_2264" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)"><pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done pwa-mark-ignored" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="truly " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-C149E5E5091048D3FAD57EE787BE5F4F" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_2264" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)">truly</pwa></pwa><pwa class="pwa-mark pwa-mark-done pwa-mark-ignored" data-pwa-category="style" data-pwa-dictionary-word="truly " data-pwa-hint="Readability may be enhanced by removing this" data-pwa-id="pwa-C149E5E5091048D3FAD57EE787BE5F4F" data-pwa-rule-id="READABILITY_2264" data-pwa-suggestions="(omit)"> </pwa>significant to write about, and I'm really not that smart ... and even if I am smart (I must have been a wee bit smart since I was in the gifted program in school, and completed university in fewer years than normally expected, right?) ... anyway, even if I am relatively smart, I should be humble and not let on ... (yes, another oft-heard sermon).<br />
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Right. Those are stories I have bought into. Those are stories I want to toss.<br />
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I've been doing what I believe. But I don't want to believe those stories anymore.<br />
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I want to create new stories. Positive stories. It's time! Now!<br />
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Dare I? I so, so, so want to!<br />
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Lord? Please!Norma Hill - aka penandpapermamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02034679415355279691noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4253506665415753283.post-59908731994280131392019-03-09T15:31:00.001-08:002019-03-09T15:42:02.237-08:00Longing for Deeper Belief and Deeper Following(originally journaled February 1, 2017)<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-RIsO1KBoBGs/XIRPQemCDfI/AAAAAAAAA_M/ZvP9UsOpLggIfLVSqJo676z28qZC36iTACLcBGAs/s1600/Deep.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="804" data-original-width="1550" height="165" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-RIsO1KBoBGs/XIRPQemCDfI/AAAAAAAAA_M/ZvP9UsOpLggIfLVSqJo676z28qZC36iTACLcBGAs/s320/Deep.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Part of my prayers over the past year, in the "launching out into the deep" part, have been for a renewal of hope for eternity in God's kingdom. I don't know how I lost that so much ... listening to people who believe here and now is the kingdom (or for whom at least the present is the emphasis and the future is ignored); listening to others who scoff at the evangelical twentieth century (and further back) emphasis on the "ABC's of salvation" and "giving your heart to Jesus" to get fire insurance ... or maybe just my general questioning and doubts about almost everything except for Your ultimate existence, maybe from some of my "friends" but also maybe from my own deep discouragement I've gone through (and maybe YOU allowed it to allow me, in the end, to long for You most of all).<br />
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But whatever--at some point as I read that prayer over and over, I started longing for deeper belief and deeper following, living in You.<br />
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I longed for a renewed understanding, appreciation for, yes, need for, Your blood ... and then You pointed me to that writing about "Will I stand in God's house by night ... and become united with Him in His suffering..."<br />
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And then the other morning I awoke humming, "Mercy there was great and grace was free, Pardon there was multiplied to me, There my burdened soul found liberty, at Calvary." And I have added both of those to my prayers. And this morning I woke humming, "What a day that will be when my Jesus I will see..." and I'll be adding that to my prayers, too.<br />
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Maybe a couple weeks ago, a Facebook activity was posted in which snatches of lyrics from 15 old hymns were listed, and the player was to choose (from 3 choices each), the name of each hymn. I haven't heard or sung any of those songs for years, and yet I got 15/15. I posted it and all kinds of other people, even those who no longer consider themselves Christians, were also getting 15/15 based on childhood memories ... people now in their fifties, sixties, and seventies. Time to start listening to, and/or reading, those old hymns again. For sure, a treasure stored in our hearts and minds, if only we are willing to have You reopen them for us. Thank You!Norma Hill - aka penandpapermamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02034679415355279691noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4253506665415753283.post-48323014735659701272018-11-07T07:04:00.001-08:002018-11-07T07:04:16.522-08:00Inerrancy, Doubts, and Faith<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I’ve been talking to S. about our struggles with the Bible—especially as taking it as “inerrant truth.” Both she and I struggle with that “faith” in the Bible stories as precise, historical truth. I think of how I accepted them without question as a child and passed them on that way. But later they have become a real source of questioning, even of doubt, for me--and also for some of those to whom I taught the stories as historical fact.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Yet I also suffer from “guilt” for even questioning my “faith” in the stories as presented. And for wondering if God really did tell the Israelites, for example, to kill every living person and animals, and other things like that. I find myself wondering if they interpreted their understanding of God and his ways through the dominant tribalistic cultural ways of their time (don’t we still do the same)? And if so, what does that say about the “inerrant truth” of scripture? </div>
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I see God revealing Himself overall (and especially through Jesus), but at the same time, I wonder how much in the Bible is man’s understanding and interpretation? I wonder what the Bible would sound like and focus on if it were written today—even by faithful, well-meaning, knowledgeable Christians who are doing their best to serve God and to love and follow and believe in Jesus? How might people a hundred or thousand years from now look back at the books we have written in our era about “what God has told me.” </div>
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For that matter, we often look askance at interpretations by present Christian people we admire generally but have a hard time believing God really told them this or that. In fact, I have had plenty of doubts, looking back (sometimes not too far—or even presently) at things I’ve been pretty sure He’s been “telling” or “directing” me (including things I've written in this blog. I've thought of going through and removing some things--but the blog is a "Journey" as the title says, and those things are part of it). Things that seemed right in the moment, but it didn't take long for me to have second thoughts. </div>
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How oh how do we possibly know and understand these "matters of faith"? I really do think we truly still, even with all our knowledge and theology, “see through a glass darkly”—and yes, will continue to do so until we “see face to face.” <o:p></o:p></div>
Norma Hill - aka penandpapermamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02034679415355279691noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4253506665415753283.post-6204419698588260372018-06-23T20:19:00.003-07:002018-06-23T20:19:51.426-07:00Off Track and Welcome Back(originally journaled May 20, 2018)<br />
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Yesterday a friend posted on Facebook, wondering if it's possible to return to Jesus without having to deal with church. I responded, sharing a few of my own fears (such as being afraid I won't be accepted after I've "denied" God to some degree ... embarrassed about what people might say ... fear of maybe having to go to church and/or do other things I don't want to or am afraid of).<br />
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Lord, Your will be done ... and please forgive my denials. Please? You know I still worry about that a lot even though it's pretty apparent You called me back--a miracle in itself. And You know, too, that I sometimes have moments when I wonder if You are real--when I'm not having any "emotional experiences" and I'm still being influenced by the walking away times... and I know the enemy is trying to pull me back. Though I'm pretty sure I never did reach a time when I really didn't believe. Well, I know it's an "intellectual wondering" as deep inside I've always known You are with me, always have been. You don't let your children go, do You? (Unless they really want to, I guess...).<br />
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Been thinking a lot lately about that Chuck Girard song from back when I was a teen:<br />
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Welcome back to the things that you once believed in/ Welcome back to what you knew was right from the start/ ... I know that you thought you could turn your back/ ... But I can see that you know better now/ ... and I'm so happy now to welcome you back/ Sometimes you just don't know what you're missing/ Til you leave it for awhile/ Welcome back to Jesus.</blockquote>
I've found myself wondering, lately, where I got so off-track for so long. And why? But maybe it was a stripping kind of time, pulling away from parts of my faith that were extras, padding--that were blocking me from seeing You. Which is maybe why I'm nervous about picking up things like church.<br />
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I don't want to do things because I "should" but only because I believe and love you (even though it is still hard sometimes to know if I even do that ... It seems like that is the hardest part).<br />
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It's easier to "do things" that "show love" than to actually bare one's heart and be vulnerable and actually love. I don't like to be hurt. And I like to be intellectual because it feels safer. And it's easier to accept, too, because it can be proved. And I'm a bit skittish about things that can't be proved (like when I took an Apologetics course, and it seemed like so many things they tried to prove weren't provable in a dry, scientific way, and it just seemed like grasping at straws).<br />
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Faith is a hard thing because we can't see it, quantify it--and can't feel it emotionally, a lot of the time. Yet ... You've always been here with me. I've never doubted You (though I have doubted, and still do sometimes, the theology and theory of it).<br />
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Norma Hill - aka penandpapermamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02034679415355279691noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4253506665415753283.post-44401676594068960122018-06-09T15:49:00.000-07:002018-06-09T15:49:00.765-07:00The Possibilities of Prayer<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Attending traditional Anglican services and using the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Book_of_Common_Prayer">Book of Common Prayer</a> there, as well as personal use of "<a href="http://www.phyllistickle.com/fixed-hour-prayer/">The Divine Hours</a>" (Phyllis Tickle) and "<a href="https://www.zondervan.com/common-prayer">Common Prayer: A Liturgy for Ordinary Radicals</a>") (S. Claiborne et al), and recent exploration of Centering Prayer (s<a href="http://www.contemplative.org/contemplative-practice/centering-prayer/">ee Cynthia Bourgeault</a>), leaves me with the feeling that in the tradition I was raised in we missed out to some degree on the possibilities of prayer.<br />
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We prayed a lot--at home we had "grace" before meals, daily "family worship" in which each of us, even small children, were expected to take a turn praying, individual daily devotions, lots of scripture memorizations, and extemporaneous, individually created prayers whenever circumstances called for it--illness, setting out on a road trip, praying before guests left, upcoming events, financial needs, and so on.<br />
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At church, we had a fairly lengthy prayer (by the minister, usually) in each service, opening prayers for special events or services, and of course, mid-week prayer meeting when everyone could pray in turn (or sometimes individually yet all at once), kneeling by the pews.<br />
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At school, we all repeated the Lord's prayer and listened to a scripture each morning, at least until it got phased out when I was in grade 9 or so, when we were on "shift system" and there just wasn't enough time in a 4 hour school day to include "extras." Soon enough, schools stopped doing morning prayers altogether.<br />
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Overall (excepting school prayers), the emphasis in the evangelical tradition I was raised in was on personal requests--for health, safety, finances, guidance. But we didn't often use Scripture as a prayer or guide, other than the Lord's Prayer and sometimes scripture in prayerful hymns or choruses, through which I suppose we felt we were covering "praise" and "seeking God" and "worshipping." Very occasionally, we would have a "responsive reading" from the back of the hymnal, a leftover from our denomination's Wesleyan and Anglican roots, I imagine. There was a simple liturgy of prayers, about once a month, for communion, spoken by the minister.<br />
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We didn't, so far as I know, draw upon other traditional prayers passed down through the church ages, nor did we use any of the creeds. I was 12 years old when I first heard of the Apostle's Creed, which we had to memorize for a badge in our church's children's club. No context, no use of it in our services, so I just memorized it and got my badge, with no idea where it came from or understanding of its significance. Oddly enough, I didn't think to ask anyone about it; mind you, I don't think we did a lot of "asking" about things like that. <br />
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There were some prayers in the denomination's "Book of Discipline" in the section on rituals such as infant dedication, baptism, and so on--but again, these were read by the minister and were not in that sense congregational/ participatory.<br />
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In a sense, the hymns we sang (and we sang many) were our congregational prayers. And worthy ones, at that. Happy and joyous, deep and repentant, even militant (which at that time no one questioned). The hymn book was our "liturgy" I think, along with our informal but quite religiously followed "order of service" as laid out in the weekly bulletin. In fact, I didn't know what a liturgy was until I was at least in my late teens; I'd heard the word kind of whispered in "tut-tut" discussions of how "those mainline churches, and Catholics" worshipped. At any rate, I wonder if maybe when we gave up hymns and hymn books, for the most part, and replaced them with "worship choruses" on overhead projectors, if we really did lose an important part of our worship--in fact, our liturgy, though we'd never have called it that.<br />
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I have a copy of the hymnal of that denomination, which says of "The Role of a Hymnal":<br />
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The faith and life of the church have always found expression and reinforcement through its hymnody....</blockquote>
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The hymnal teaches and inspires. It expresses faith, hope, and love. It voices our experience and aspiration. It is a way to share. It is a rich source of biblical theology. It is where we join with the saints of other centuries in a common expression of joy, praise, and worship. It is a force for unity. It is a stimulus to Christian action and evangelism. It leads us to God and to men. The combination of lyric and melody fastens truth upon the inner man.</blockquote>
Sounds rather like a description of liturgical books like "The Book of Common Prayer," doesn't it--although I still wish we'd had more participatory focus on scripture reading and congregational prayers. More emphasis on the "deep things" of common/ congregational worship. Still, I'm glad to have discovered some of those possibilities of prayer now, even if it's been a long journey to get here.<br />
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Norma Hill - aka penandpapermamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02034679415355279691noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4253506665415753283.post-14171484421907274672018-06-04T06:30:00.001-07:002018-06-04T06:30:48.847-07:00Afraid ... of church<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Recently (for the past few months) I've been attending an Anglican church (early Sunday morning service; traditional liturgy) and I'm longing to be a "part of the family" ... and yet at the same time, I'm afraid.<br />
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The people are lovely and caring. I love the liturgy. The interim minister (who is Lutheran) is friendly and a good preacher. The church building is beautiful in an old-timey traditional way. What's to be afraid of, you might wonder?<br />
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It's not this particular gathering of the church I'm afraid of. I'm realizing more and more how deeply my heart was broken a number of years ago when two churches in a row, which I attended with full-heartedness, both dissolved into bitterness and anger and terrible disunity, and one ended up closing down completely. To this day I cannot understand how such a thing could happen, how a family with God as their Father and Christ as their elder brother could tear into each other with such rancour. And I don't think I could bear to go through something like that again. Probably it didn't help that at the same time I was dealing with my mom's dementia, and then both my parents' deaths within a year and a half and most of my children growing up and leaving home in that time period and so on, but out of all those things, the most heart-breaking to me was the acrimony among members of Christ's body. How, oh how, can that happen?<br />
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I have been part of a very small house church gathering in the intervening years, and I do love those people and I'm so grateful they accepted me as part of their family at a time when I was in so much pain. But I miss the sense of being part of the family of God across the world and through time--and I have been finding that in the Anglican communion. But oh my goodness--what if something happened and they split at the seams, too? Is it even possible to find a group of believers that really are in unity and will stay that way? How could it be that those who believe in Jesus could descend into such grievous disunity and pain? I don't understand. And yes, I'm afraid.<br />
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God, lead me, please.Norma Hill - aka penandpapermamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02034679415355279691noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4253506665415753283.post-10469306078998831442018-05-23T09:23:00.001-07:002018-05-23T09:23:46.460-07:00Feeling Zombiefied(originally journaled Feb 26, 2018)<br />
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I dread being relaxed ...<br />
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I hate how I can sit down in front of the TV and watch 3 or 4 episodes non-stop of repetitive stuff like forensics shows. Or slouch in front of the computer screen and scroll through endless Facebook memes. When I just glaze over and go with the flow--and end up feeling so guilty for wasting time.<br />
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I've been having a hard time avoiding screen time. Dear God, please help me fill those dull, empty spaces with things that will draw me into relationship with You and into loving others with Your love.<br />
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I feel like I've been zombiefied lately. I need to get active--but how? The more I work (and I've been working hard, especially brain work--tutoring, editing, writing), the more tired I become. Yet the more I sleep to overcome the tiredness, the more it increases. I feel like maybe I'm using sleep as a way to avoid something, though I don't know what. I'm so tired of blah days.<br />
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I don't care so much about happiness and pleasure and success. I just want Your joy.<br />
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I don't care so much about mushy human love and friends. I do want the love of God and neighbor that You offer and promise.<br />
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I don't care so much about solving wars and political upheavals (or even Christian/religious ones, which there seem to be a lot of these days). But I do long for contentment in You through Your peace that passes all human understanding (because that's the only way true peace will ever come).<br />
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I'm so tired of feeling zombiefied. Please awaken, enliven me with Your abundant life.<br />
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Amen.Norma Hill - aka penandpapermamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02034679415355279691noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4253506665415753283.post-34451423562802122892018-05-01T08:05:00.000-07:002018-05-01T08:05:00.914-07:00Honor God and Parents--Or Tell Lies<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I woke this morning and lay in bed wondering why it is so hard for me to tell the truth about the tiniest things that might have someone think negatively about me. I was pretty sure it had to do with the guilt and embarrassment I feel when I think people will not approve or will catch me out not doing the best I can do. "Study to show thyself approved unto God (and people, oh yes! people especially), a workman (a hardworking one)..."<br />
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But at the same time, I actually fear that if I am successful I will be guilty of pride, that core sin. If I reach too high or am pleased by even small successes, I am stepping out of my place in life which is to be a humble and obedient little Christian girl, thus pleasing God and grandma and church and sometimes parents too, who in turn were under pressure to raise me that way--and by extension, everyone else (humans more than God, I strongly suspect).<br />
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Yet at the same time, I know I believe, deep down, that I am supposed to do well, particularly in anything related to academic education, writing, and teaching, to please and reflect well on my dad, the teacher.<br />
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Further, when I commit any one of an endless number of thou-shalt-nots, I find myself faced with the deep urge to cover it up by telling a little white lie. And then I instantly feel guilty, because by lying I have broken one of the ten commandments. It matters not that when I look up those ten commandments, I can't find the one about lying. The closest is to not bear false witness against my neighbour--but it seems that what I am really doing when I tell one of these lies is that I am bearing false witness against myself in order to please others.<br />
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After I got up and started the day, I checked my Facebook and did something I rarely do--took one of those silly quizzes. This one was about "success blockers" and after just eight questions, it decided that my personal success blocker was "feeling unworthy." It explained this goes back to the preschool years when our brain mostly is using theta waves, the same kind used for hypnosis and meditation. We sponge up everything that comes our way, and it affects our subconscious for the rest of our life. That fit in pretty well with what I'd just been thinking about, don't you think?<br />
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So sometimes I lie because I feel unworthy, or more likely unapproved, and need people to think well of me--while at other times I feel I must cover up my illegal feelings of worthiness (pride, you know) to prove my humility. It's a hopeless balancing act, an unattainable tiptoe walk along a narrow fence line. Yet I can't seem to avoid it because it is buried deep inside me and I know it goes way back to my earliest days when I was faced with expectations that, in reflection, I think were impossible for a child to live up to.<br />
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I know those in authority over me meant well; I know they were trying their best to themselves obey God and be humble yet approved, and I have no doubt that they were probably raised under stronger strictures that I ever was. I even have no doubt that I've passed some of this on to my own children, while at the same time trying to be more relaxed and approving, then feeling guilty for doing so in case it might lead them astray.<br />
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Yes, I'm an adult now and have been for 40 plus years. Yes, I should be able to overcome that beginning. Or at least be able to figure out what parts of my upbringing were an overreaction and set that aside, holding to the many parts which were good. And yes, I've tried. And tried and tried. Occasionally I manage, a bit. But then I find myself telling another little white lie, quite frequently in fact.<br />
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Am I alone? Am I hopeless? Should I be trying harder? Am I "unapproved" by God because of all this? Is there a way out, an escape? The video I watched offered a free course on how to set aside one's success blockers and become successful--but I turned off the video at that point because I had that little voice in the back of my mind warning me against "worldly methods" ... but what else am I supposed to do? Why does it seem like all my prayers and Bible study and church attendance and participation and submission and seeking the guidance of God's Spirit, and so on and on and on, is not helping either?<br />
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Do you face this struggle? Is there an answer in this lifetime? How do those perfect, approved Christians do it? Or are they struggling, too? And maybe telling their own little white lies (and maybe even big ones sometimes)?Norma Hill - aka penandpapermamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02034679415355279691noreply@blogger.com0