Warning: if you don't like "depressing", move on. Now! :-)
So when my kids pointed out, a couple months back, that maybe I really needed to see the doctor, because maybe I was suffering from depression (Or old age. Or worse.), I made up a list of my "symptoms." And compared them to all those on-line symptom lists.
What I discovered with those on-line lists, is that while there are some "themes," there are also a lot of differences. Confusion being one of the themes, and definitely one of my symptoms, I have decided to add to the confusion. Herewith my list!
- Trouble focusing; easily distracted. Tired.
- Nasty dreams. Not scary, per se, but complicated, miserable, go on and on, no resolution, just repetition. Wake up more tired.
- Forget specific words (nouns especially) and names.
- Take longer to learn new things. Or memorize. (Oddly, apparent improved ability to draw connections, come up with new ideas. I think...)
- Less ability to see ideas in terms of black and white. Fuzzier thinking (or perhaps developing wisdom?).
- In writing, have to think more carefully, edit more. (Or maybe I'm just improving eh?)
- Less confidence in my own ideas. (Maybe that's a good thing...)
- Feel dull. Tired.
- Loss of my usual high energy. Tired.
- Losing track of my child-side (you know, enthusiasm, fun, creativity...).
- Growing self-consciousness of my body (but just wait till you're 55!).
- Too tired to step out and do things.
- Fear of failing.
- Fear of rejection, of being unwanted.
- Tired. Want to curl up and sleep. A lot. And/or hide.
- Headaches. Nausea. (Unusual for me).
- Too tired to eat properly.
- Crave caffeine and sugar. Instant energy fixes, you know.
- Too tired to exercise or go for walks.
- Spend a lot of time staring morosely at the boob tube. And laying awake at night listening (sort of) to late-night radio talk shows. (That has got to be a symptom of something...)
- Reading fluff. Interesting reading makes me tired.
- Wishing I could float away into nothingness.
- Craving alcohol (again, after years on the wagon). And wishfully calling up memories of pleasant daydreamy up-in-smoke summer afternoons.
- No interest in music. Not in playing it, singing it, listening to it. Weird.
- Did I mention being Tired?
You'll be happy to know I'm feeling much better these days! Time to make a new list, I'm thinking.
A "normal" list perhaps. :-) Keep tuned... LOL
I'm off to do a little dancing with my best Friend :-) JOY!
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