Warning: this is depressing! If you don't like depressing, move on! Now! :-)

November 4, 2010

Warning: if you don't like "depressing", move on.  Now! :-)

So when my kids pointed out, a couple months back, that maybe I really needed to see the doctor, because maybe I was suffering from depression (Or old age.  Or worse.), I made up a list of my "symptoms."  And compared them to all those on-line symptom lists.

What I discovered with those on-line lists, is that while there are some "themes,"  there are also a lot of differences.  Confusion being one of the themes, and definitely one of my symptoms, I have decided to add to the confusion.  Herewith my list! 

• Trouble focusing; easily distracted.  Tired.
• Nasty dreams.  Not scary, per se, but complicated, miserable, go on and on, no resolution, just repetition.  Wake up more tired.
• Forget specific words (nouns especially) and names.
• Take longer to learn new things.  Or memorize.  (Oddly, apparent improved ability to draw connections, come up with new ideas.  I think...)
• Less ability to see ideas in terms of black and white.  Fuzzier thinking (or perhaps developing wisdom?).
• In writing, have to think more carefully, edit more.  (Or maybe I'm just improving eh?)
• Less confidence in my own ideas. (Maybe that's a good thing...)
• Feel dull.  Tired.
• Loss of my usual high energy.  Tired.
• Losing track of my child-side (you know, enthusiasm, fun, creativity...).
• Growing self-consciousness of my body (but just wait till you're 55!).
• Too tired to step out and do things.
• Fear of failing.
• Fear of rejection, of being unwanted.
• Tired.  Want to curl up and sleep.  A lot. And/or hide.
• Headaches.  Nausea.  (Unusual for me).
• Too tired to eat properly.
• Crave caffeine and sugar.  Instant energy fixes, you know.
• Too tired to exercise or go for walks.
• Spend a lot of time staring morosely at the boob tube.  And laying awake at night listening (sort of) to late-night radio talk shows.  (That has got to be a symptom of something...)
• Reading fluff.  Interesting reading makes me tired.
• Wishing I could float away into nothingness.
• Craving alcohol (again, after years on the wagon).  And wishfully calling up memories of pleasant daydreamy up-in-smoke summer afternoons.
• No interest in music.  Not in playing it, singing it, listening to it.  Weird.
• Did I mention being Tired?

Wow.  That is a depressing list.  Enough, already!

You'll be happy to know I'm feeling much better these days!  Time to make a new list, I'm thinking.

A "normal" list perhaps.  :-)  Keep tuned...  LOL


I'm off to do a little dancing with my best Friend :-)  JOY!