January 15, 2010
I wrote: I ran those “words from Papa” by a woman in their gathering, who is a woman of prayer and gifted with discernment, I believe (her heart breaks with what is going on, but God has placed her there, with her quiet demeanor and yet also clear, strong words of truth… but do the others really listen? They think they do…. God has also placed among them a teacher, a shepherd, even, these past few months, and God has spoken through him also, over and over… and most of them think he is a wonderful speaker… and they do want to love each other far more than it seems they did before… but, oh my goodness, relying on the “business approach” just isn’t doing it… it can’t ..
I’ve been struggling with what is going on at this place where God put me, working in this office, and feeling like I was really getting caught up in “their business” … in fact, yesterday morning I was feeling like just quitting… but I went to Father – and He sure spoke to me! So I wrote it down (and it was to me, too, not just to them, because I know I was indeed getting caught up in all the business-y stuff myself), but I was not sure if I should pass it on to the “board” … kind of scared, really… and then I read your email this morning… and it was Father telling me to send it to them – which I have done. (And posted it on my church journey blog too…)
My feeling is that if Father wants our gatherings of His church to simply be a “well-oiled business” – well, the church has been doing a lot of that for a very long time, and it’s just led to many a disaster… but many keep trying, and sometimes it does seem that the church grows and there is more love and people agree…. But then it seems to get worse than before, especially in terms of relationships in the body, in spite of doing everything business-wise “decently and in order.” I believe that Father wants us to see that we have to depend on Him. Period. Him as the Father of His family, the Head of His body…
(And if they fire me… well, it will simply be because Father has finished with His use of me in this place and time, and has something else, somewhere else, that He wills to use me. He’ll look after me. That’s it.)
On the other hand, perhaps He knows that they are in such a place (the “highest leaders” in the group are incredibly discouraged, and in seemingly such total disagreement with each other… though oddly enough, they are all agreed that the church needs to learn to love each other… but they just can’t seem to let go and let Father do that!)… anyway, perhaps He knows they are in such a place that they are perhaps finally willing to actually listen to His voice, hard as it may be to accept that the way they’ve been seeking God’s love in His church, is actually not His way (and oh my goodness, doesn’t that seem to happen over and over and over again in so many gatherings of His body?)
Personally, here, I cannot “join this church” … not even in terms of “simply attending” …. At least not at this point in time…. All I can see from God’s word is that our membership in His body is based on what Jesus did for us, and the choice we make to accept that, and to love, obey, walk, abide, know, worship, honor – and suffer, be hated, fired, pushed out, whatever, too, if that is what following Him comes to…) I am sorry, people, but membership is not, not, not about signing a paper. Even signing a “statement of faith” … But maybe signing the Bible!
I cannot sign a paper that, directly or indirectly (because it WILL be one or the other), says that I agree with the business that the church has far too often become. And I think that even often applies to “little house churches” and such (which can be just like home schoolers who “school at home”….)…. I feel as though we are coming into a period of time in our nation’s history (as a huge proportion of the world already is… and most of it already has been at various points in the past) when we will have to stand up for truth no matter the “cost” … but it’s only a temporary, physical “cost” … and my sense is that even here and now, there is a great reward, for in the process, we must throw ourselves completely on our Father, and He will draw us closer and closer into His arms (even when we cannot “feel” it!)…. And that is where I want to be, my Father!!!!
Myself, I cannot join in “playing the game,” (though I can listen to them, pray for and with them, speak – with the love my Father gives me; they do KNOW I love them in the Lord!!! – I can help them out in many ways… but I can’t step over the line and start playing their games…. Without realizing it at first, I started to do that (again), and Father has drawn me up sharp, praise His Holy Name…. It is right to learn to “speak in love” … but that is not the same as giving in, playing games, losing my freedom in Christ which He paid such an enormous price for me to receive… and there are times when truth must simply be told – after asking Father to speak His word alone through me, of course… and what happens then, I must simply leave up to Him. That’s all.
They wrote: We feel part of the WHOLE Body of Christ, not wanting to sign allegiance to one “club” with its rules and… and…. And…. We do feel compelled to go to the home fellowship each week of that community church…. and I struggle each week… trying to worm out of it… but I feel that just by our presence sitting there, being real, speaking forth from where we are coming from, that we create an unintentional tension for them…. Cause they want us but are so frustrated…. God has given them a Saul… they wanted an earthly leader… not an invisible One…
I wrote: I do love these people in the Lord, love them as brothers and sisters… just feel so sad for them and so frustrated… but then I remember how many, many years Papa has worked in my heart, and I know I have to let Him work in their hearts, too… but I am discovering that among them are those who also are freed from “religion/business” but, like I am through this job, not yet “freed” by Papa to leave that “group” …. Even the “speaker” Papa has provided for them the past few months is “freed” and yet Papa has sent him back to reach out to those people who are still trapped… and I am quite sure it isn’t easy for him either… so I can only believe that Papa IS working on their hearts… if they were “hopeless” would He send us back and/or keep us there for a season?
Yes, it is true… we humans are so caught up in the world where we can deal with our 5 senses…. We so want to be part of an “earthly” kingdom, not understanding, not daring to “risk,” the glory, the wonder, of God’s kingdom…. Oh dear….
They wrote: It really bothers me seeing the model of sheep sitting there month after month wanting to be FED…. They already know the gospel…
I wrote: A friend of mind, who didn’t know the Lord till he was at least 40… well he “faithfully went to church” for about 4 or 5 years after he met the Lord… but that’s the thing that boggled his mind, and he often speaks of it: the first 2 or 3 years he was soaking up the teaching… but then he began to notice that at some point it began to sound like a stuck record, I guess, the same stories being told over and over and over… and he couldn’t understand why all those people were sitting there listening to the same stories instead of going out and telling others…. So he just left the room and started to walk up and down the street, reaching out to people and sharing the gospel with them, as he cared for them and built relationships with them… and he still regularly “drops into churches” but different ones all over town, and he asks to be allowed to get up and tell them what God is doing outside, out where the world is waiting to be told the gospel – in action! Verb-form love! And that then when the people out there have experienced God’s love in real, tangible ways, they’re ready to hear it in word, too, and they do come to Father! And my friend hopes that others, too, will catch the vision, and move out…
They wrote: I get tempted to judge the sheep, too, instead of the model…
I wrote: I’ve struggled with that, too… a lot… but God’s helping me see the people, more and more… the “system” used to stick in my craw, but now, well, I still don’t like it of course, but I really am far more concerned about what it does to the people trapped in it… so I’m coming to the conclusion that maybe if I just love the people and hang around and let them see what God has done for me – well, they don’t always like it at first: it’s hard, when you’re “working so hard to please God” or whatever, to see other people no longer doing that, and yet being more happy – anyway, maybe they’ll begin to want God so much, that they’ll maybe just start seeking Him instead of the model…
It’s a funny thing…. When we “attack” organizations/ models/ systems – businesses! – the people that are part of them just get really defensive, and they start to run around doing everything they can to make the system even stronger, bigger walls, bigger cannons bristling out over the walls… but I think when we just love the people, maybe they’ll get curious about that, and start to sneak out to the gate, and then across the moat, and so on, and one day they’ll just forget to run back to the “safety” of the castle, because they’ll meet the real King who’s out riding around His Kingdom and spending time with and interacting with and loving on all His subjects – the King who doesn’t just sit on His throne behind castle walls with a chosen few….
They wrote: and He makes me go and have relationship to stay sweet in my spirit towards them, I believe…
I wrote: Yes, I think that is true. I know I care more about these people in this “church” since I’ve been spending this time with them, even though it is an “environment” I’m not fond of, one which seems awfully limiting…. It’s easier to be self-righteous and critical from a distance (and yes, I certainly have been there)… but when I’m right there in their midst when they’re going through all these complicated, difficult, unhappy moments together…. I see how they really do long to be free… and yet they just don’t know how to do that, maybe are even afraid to do that, maybe don’t even believe it is possible… Which is why we need to be where they are, loving on them, letting them see that there is a trail to freedom in Jesus… but at the same time being very careful to not allow ourselves to be re-trapped (sure have to depend on Father for help with that!!!)…
They wrote: Mostly it’s about having relationships with His family wherever they are, out there AND stuck in the old stale wineskin
We feel torn, knowing that in their flesh they want us to ‘help’ …. But we can’t save the old wineskin model from the shaking… friends to there, that we’ve made relationships with because they are ‘family’ … and they just don’t understand why we don’t make a ‘commitment’ to where they think the ‘ark of the covenant’ resides, so to speak…
And they wrote: Also I wanted to think out loud to you that David kept “relationship” with ALL of Israel, and so the door was open, when God’s anointing time came (for David to receive ‘an appointing and an anointing’ I guess you could say…) that there was a bridge built there for the people if they wanted to come across and choose God’s Way (which David couldn’t even foresee while he was trying to keep a sweet spirit in caves and in the bad books of the old model)…
I wrote: Yes, yes, yes!!! Thank you for showing me that!!!
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