What if we're just going to go on and on and on?

(Written Nov 29, 2011 in my journal)

Just read Matthew 13 about Jesus' parable of the sower and the seeds and the various yields - and the wheat and the tares and other parables about the kingdom and about the end of the age.

And I feel sad, even hopeless, about my own fruitlessness - and unrighteousness.

And I continue (every day) to be so disturbed by the "full preterist" interpretation that guy presented in that book.  It feels so wrong to me.  And yet, what if it is right?  To be honest, I'm actually feeling scared to read the scriptures in case some of his more radical conclusions seem to work out there.

Father, are we humans actually destined to go on and on and on forever, messing up (destroying) this earth and each other?  Have You really already come and separated that righteous and unrighteous (which I can understand from an "outside of time" basis, yes) and now humans are just meant to keep reproducing ad infinitum, and the righteous of each generation will meet you after death (though of course live with You in them while in their earthly life)?

And what of the unrighteous?  What does death bring them?  And do they really have a choice? Do You actually close whose eyes and ears will be opened or closed? 

And how do we know if we are "the chosen" if that is the case? 

It seems pretty clear to me that membership in the kingdom - here on earth as well as eternally - is more than just "repeating the sinner's prayer" - though there is something comforting about that viewpoint I suppose - and though there is also something comforting about the "we are the chosen" viewpoint too - as long as you see yourself as chosen - or as having said the sinner's prayer - or as being a regular church attender - or whatever "gospel" one has been taught....

And yes, Father, what about devout Muslims, and non-Christian Jews, and people of other religions?  Especially those that know nothing of the gospel of Jesus?  Is that part of the whole "chosen-ness" thing?  Or do You indeed "judge the heart"?  Is it not possible that at least some of the people who love and worship "Allah" really are seeking - and following, walking with - You, as much as they have knowledge? 

Some of (okay, a lot of) what You say in the Bible, Jesus, Father, Holy Spirit, seems to me to be hard.  People (some people) say, "Oh, it's all about love.  Jesus loves everyone.  He died for everyone.  Eventually everyone will come (be brought to) the Father." 

But You sure didn't say that.  I mean, it seems pretty clear that "the way is narrow and few there are who enter."  (I think...)  Honestly, Father, I could maybe handle that if people had a choice, but really, a lot of people apparently don't.  And yet, even the scriptures say that the creation around us tells us of You (but what about children born and brought up in concrete jungle slums, or picking a bare living in huge urban garbage dumps or... or... or...)?

Oh yes.  Evangelisze.  Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel.
And if we don't - oh dear.
Maybe it is we who make "the choice" for others.  Not just for ourselves.
Oh dear.