depressed

(Written 26 March 2012 in my journal)

10 days since I last wrote - but it feels like a lot more than that.

I have had the feeling that my "creativity" has evaporated.  I feel blocked to write - or even to sketch or make (or even listen to) music.  I don't even want to read.

I can do "what I have to" for preparing lessons etc - but there's no sense of freedom or flow or creativity.

And yes, I've not been trusting God!  I got in such a flap about our finances/ income - when, truthfully, God has completely faithfully met our needs all along! (Sorry, Lord).

Maybe some fear... what if hubby never is able to work regularly again?  What if I have to work more and more ... and don't have the strength?  And what if I have to give up my dreams of travel (and/or my little cabin by the ocean)?  What if... What if... What if....

Anyway, thank You for this past restful week.  Thank You for hubby being able to work 3 12 hour shifts.  Thank You for the sunshine that got me taking photos again.  And the nice little outing with L up on Munson Mountain.  And for the chance to knock lots of things off my to-do list.

Thank You for a good night sleep last night, with few dreams (and no upsetting ones).

Please, please help me to live in the moment with You.  Please, please help me abide in You.

Father God, dear Jesus, Holy Spirit - I love You!  Thank You so much for loving me, no matter what.  Good or bad!