(Written 30 January 2012 in my journal)
Yesterday I asked some of my questions at the church gathering. Thank You - for the courage and situation to ask - and for the responses. Lord, they all feel safe in You, secure in You ... and yet they all want more of You, and they are all to some degree "discontent." I think with where they are, and struggling with how we live out being Christians, how we live out being Your church in the world without being caught up in religiosity, how we respond to Your love with love in return and don't get sidetracked with out very human drives to "make You happy" so we'll receive Your "approval" and receive - what? What makes us happy, perhaps? How do we even recognize when we're actually being self-serving (which is our "natural" state)?
Oh dear God, why is it so complicated? Why is it so hard to be a Christian? Is it because we are trying instead of trusting in and relying on You? Are we working at it in our own strength? Are we not being "contented"?
What is holy contentment? peace? rest? trust? Where does "carrying one's cross" fit in? Is that just about negative reactions from others, or does it include the daily tension/ struggles of living Your Holy Spirit infilled life in a world that is so full of much darkness and opposition?
Oh dear God, aren't we supposed to be like children to be in Your Kingdom? What does that mean? How does that work out?
Will there be a time when the enemy will be taken out, and the world will spend 1000 years living by the influence of Your Spirit? And then what? The enemy is loosed again for a little time, and we really do have Armageddon? And final victory? And - what? heaven? (Why are there so many theories about all this? Is it really so important? I mean, compared to just walking with You now?)