2 June 2010
(I have to say, I have arrived in my Matthew reading at the point where You are about to offer Yourself up as the sacrifice for my sins... and I, well, I ... dread to read it.
Maybe because suddenly I know it's not just a story. And because Your sacrifice is my fault. And because facing that is going to call me to be totally willing to ... lose everything (even though it means gaining You - far more than ever before...
And I have to admit... I am afraid.)
(BTW...I feel we may lose our little house, and our security. It's okay. You can have them. Yes, You can. :-` ... :-)
Philippians 3:7 "but whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ. 8. More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish SO THAT I MAY GAIN CHRIST, 9. AND BE FOUND IN HIM, not having a righteousness of my own derived from the Law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith, 10. so that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His suffering, being conformed to His death ... 12... I press on so that I may lay holdof that for which I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus... 14... the UPWARD CALL OF GOD IN CHRIST JESUS."
Matthew 16:26 "For what shall it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul?"
Phil. 3:15 "if in anything you have a different attitude, God will reveal that also to you." (You sure do ... and I keep thinking I already at - at least in good part - Your attitude. But then You show me again how very much I do not...
Father, I do NOT WANT TO FALL SHORT!
Romans 3:23 "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."
That's it, isn't it? Not falling short of good behavior, "righteous" living, Your approval even, sufficient knowledge, even falling short of knowing You... because those are all, to some degree, "me" things. THE GREAT LOSS IS YOUR GLORY.
(And I don't even really have a clue what that means - do I? Oh, I have caught glimpses of Your glory. But even those glimpses should be changing me, making me long to see Your glory the way Jesus did. But so far, I fear (I'm pretty sure), it hasn't, at all, really.
Oh Father, I want more than - than what? "Skin of my teeth" arrival in Your heavenly kingdom? Is that even scriptural? It sounds, smacks, to me of more "me-ism."
Glory... honor, worship, splendor, exultation... JUST YOU!!!
(Maybe some day these journalings will be all You ... and the I/me parts will just wither away... That would be... GOOD! GOD! YOU!!!)
(Papa? Is it possible? Please?)