Woke up 4:20 am. Spent some time sitting by hubby in front of the TV watching a bit of Stargate… then checked face book… and sent an email or two… then had a bit of breakfast… and then a shower… followed by a long soak in the tub: first real “bath” (other than many showers, of course) in this house, lol! My toes are finally really clean from last summer’s very ground-in dust, from wearing bare feet or sandals for so long! Anyway…)
Hoo boy! Father, You sure have had some interesting ways of talking to me in the past day or two:
- facebook statuses
- scriptures I “just happened upon” when a planner fell open
- email letter I was writing to a friend, that turned into a conversation with You
- that guy who I’d never met before, and who just dropped into the office… and we ended up having a long conversation – with You in the midst of it, eh!
- a caring phone call
- and just now, that blog email that just arrived…
I did try to “read scripture and hear Your voice” last night, but I really didn’t get “grabbed by it” … but meanwhile You chose to speak to me in so many other ways…
Not to mention, as well, the glorious sunshine yesterday that kept popping through no matter how hard the clouds tried to stop it! It was as much as 16 C by 2 pm! Wow!
And I learned a lot about my “giving questions” when I was talking to that guy who dropped into the office… and then there was the happiness and joy I saw in those street folks when they received shampoo and body wash, such a simple thing, and yet so wonderful to them! ….
And then that blog email spoke to me very clearly about how “me-focused” I’ve become – or maybe have been all along, oh dear… in this whole business at work…
Not to mention, also, how You’ve encouraged me… and opened my eyes to Your greater vision about Your church… and about helping the poor, too!
So! Ha! This whole “church business” You placed me in has (unexpectedly to me! But of course You knew and planned all along) become a great blessing to me (and oh, Lord, I pray it will become so for all the others involved – maybe already has eh?), a great learning opportunity – a great, wonderful, awesome, drawing-closer-to-You experience… all coming to a head (though without doubt You were working it out the whole time!) in less than 24 hours! LOL! Wow! Thank You! Praise You, Lord! Praise Your Holy Name! You really, really, really do love me!!! And yes, I love You too! How could I not?!?!
And yet, for so many years of my life, I knew love for You was possible… I saw it in people like my grandpa and my mom and some others… but no matter how hard I “tried to experience/ summon/ even work for it,” I just couldn’t seem to “get it.” … And then, one day (just a couple years ago) You so clearly revealed it to me… just dropped it in my lap, so to speak… and yet, of course, Your Love – You! – had been there all the time… and the evidence of Your Love – of You! – all around me, constantly…. But somehow, in that moment, (lol… in reading that “controversial” book The Shack and then the book He Loves Me … somehow You finally got past my head knowledge that You love, that You are Love… and You opened my heart, and connected Your Heart and my heart, Your Spirit and my spirit….
And ever since, I just see Your Love all around… and I want others to see it, experience it, understand it from their hearts too… And yes, I get impatient… and I get sad and hurt… But I have to remember how long and patiently You have been seeking to touch my heart… and how long You patiently waited for my heart to respond joyfully to Your Heart… and in the past less-than-24-hours You have just impressed that upon me so incredibly… wow – it is a steep learning curve, a long journey – and You are in charge! Yes! Thank You!
(And I just looked out the window, and the sun is shining again !!!) Amazing love! Amazing grace! Amazing God – Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit!
LOL… Well, the JWs also dropped into the office yesterday… and left behind their literature… which of course makes You, Jesus, to be a created being, Michael the archangel… oh Father, please forgive them… please show them Your Truth… fo a lot of them are just so deceived… Father, their little booklets are written so simply, patiently… so deceptively…
But people really are looking for something simple… and it is true: the message of Your gospel, Your kingdom is simple: clear enough for a little child to clearly understand and accept joyfully! … and indeed, You Yourself did say that we need to become as little children… and yes, we have made it so complicated… and harsh (adding our own spin, our own extra details and perspectives and such)… and work-centered… and full of guilt-trips… and technical details… that do not belong in Your Message, that aren’t a part of You at all!!
Wow! Thank You for just this moment making that so clear to me… You’ve been allowing me to be dragged through all these goings-on until almost all I could see, feel, hear… physically, mentally, emotionally, even spiritually… was the pain and sadness and sorrow and convoluted technicalities and the babble of conflicting voices… and darkness… and when I felt I was getting dragged in myself (and yes, when I was, even though unintentionally and not recognizing it in myself, being part of it!), and I just wanted to run and hide… or yell and scream and fight and slap people on the side of the head (yikes!) – You have suddenly stepped in and flooded the darkness with Your Light!!!...
So, I guess
(Again, a thing I knew “intellectually” but my heart has not been able to really understand… has not really been open to You in that area. Thank You for opening my heart and for joining Your Heart to mind, Your Spirit to mine! Thank You that You keep the journey going… until one day I will see You face to face, my Living, Loving Redeemer… no longer “through a glass darkly” but fully, forever, in the full LIGHT of Your Glorious Presence, Your glorious loving Face!