That book... again....

Father, this book I’ve been reading confuses me in the same way as the goings-on at the place I work confuse me …. How can people speak of Your love so glowingly… and yet at the same time seem to exhibit such an unloving spirit?

I’m wondering again… is there such a sharp division between Old and New Testaments as some would like us to believe? Can we just toss every bit of Your interaction – and yes, relationship … at various levels… some pretty profound!... with mankind generally, and with particular men and women, just because they were pre-cross and pre-resurrection?

Father, I’ve read just over half of the book… and the only direct reference to Scripture is 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (though the writer is clearly expressing his theological views). The rest (so far…) seems to me to be a long list of his own personal experiences in the past and how he has “felt” relating those experiences to “what he learned about You” at some point in the distant past. Father, he does seem to me to scorn the Old Testament side of the story. Okay, what he seems to be holding up as the whole Truth about You is a list of characteristics of “love” drawn from 4 or 5 verses in one chapter in the New Testament (wonderful as that chapter is, and true as it is, also)… and it also seems to me that, sadly, even the positives in that list he turns into angry negatives (or perhaps he is just angry at the people who in his past have turned them into angry negatives… there’s just so much “angry” in there that I am having a hard time seeing anything positive, even though it’s supposedly all about Your love … oh dear, much like what I see happening there among that gathering of Your people…). I know that we all have done that too often… But even when – maybe especially when – he then tries to present the “positive opposite” of those angry negatives …it seems to come through, also, as angry… a feeling that the “big stick” is being waved… And that really isn’t how You love, either!!!

And Father, not only does He seem to ignore the Old Testament half of scripture (except to seem to be pretty angry about it all, or at least about how it’s been interpreted by “the church”…though maybe this reaction I am getting is just “me,” maybe it is the confusion I’m feeling right now about this situation You’ve placed me in, maybe I’m even feeling threatened about some of my own “cherished beliefs”…. Papa???…), he doesn’t even quote any New Testament passages, or even hardly refer to them obliquely. And I wonder, how does he explain… well, so much of what Paul – and the others – wrote? Even things Jesus Himself said and did (I suppose he might say that was presented in Old Testament context since the cross had not yet happened… but is God a God of confusion? Why would Jesus leave a confusing record for us? Or maybe he’d say that the gospel is simple, and we should just not worry about, not get into, anything “deep”… or maybe he’d say that we just have to remember that Paul (and the others) had “problems”: their Jewish (and/or Greek/Roman/Platonic/etc) perspectives and training and beliefs and culture; the times they lived in – the “historical context”; Paul’s “patriarchal” outlook and Old Testament Law training… etc etc etc… (or maybe he wouldn’t say any of those things; maybe they are just things I heard others say… maybe I AM making it too complicated! Maybe I do need to find the simplicity of the gospel once again… if I ever knew it… having been brought up to think that complicated, intellectual, deep knowledge of the scripture was so important…)… Anyway…

So what? Do we just use one partial chapter that we really like, that seems to fulfill our “vision” of Who You are, out of all the Scripture, pounce on it, hang onto it, and make that – along with all our “bad experiences” related to what we’ve been “taught about You,” which of course we want to get rid of and destroy – do we make that the basis of our knowledge about You – our knowing of You? (Sorry, I may sound like I am being way too extreme here in my reaction… but like I already said, I’m feeling so confused right now… Oh Papa, please show me Your Truth! Please make it clear!) Anyway…

YOU ARE LOVE. But Your love is vast, beyond our experience and understanding… and unsullied with evil, unlike ours… which of course are all reasons why we’ve misunderstood You, misunderstood Your love (as the write correctly points out)… but at the same time, we can’t just “throw out the baby with the bath water,” can we? We can’t just throw out everything You’ve revealed about Yourself and Your ongoing relationship with mankind… even if we “struggle” with some of it, because of our limited understanding of Your Love!

It seems to me that this approach is not only too angry (but again, maybe that’s just my perspective from where I’m at right now), but also too simple (or at least maybe too shallow…). (Nothing in Your creation is as simple as it at first appears … though the first appearances are beautifully, amazingly simple! … and it seems to me that the more we learn of the underlying complexity, the more beautiful and amazing – and reflective of You, of Your Love – it becomes!)

I do love You, Lord! And You do love me – us – all of us! In ways vast and wonderful – and loving!!!

(Oh yes, one more “wondering” … the writer says You want us to do what we like – good things, or even neutral things, at least, I presume – because You love us and delight in seeing us happy etc… but it seems like we aren’t supposed to want You to fulfill YOUR drams for us, or even “allow” You to… because that would be, well, ummm, short-circuiting Your Love?!?! Nah… Father! Love is a relationship, a doing-together…. I know (I hope!) he’s probably just being extra-dramatic to make his point of how opposite Your Love is from the world’s definition of love… but oh dear God, it seems to me that when we push points too far, we are likely to fall right off the edge… perhaps right back into the mess we think we’re trying to get ourselves and others out of (yes, I see that happening, too, in this situation You’ve placed me in… even see it happening to me in my part of it…) … legalistic! Where is the joy?? Well, it’s there, alright, in little glowing moments (in the book, and in this situation where You’ve put me, both)… but so often, so much obscured by legalistic anger, it seems to me!... so human… so sad…

3 March 2010

Well, I’ve read a bunch more of that book… and I have to say, the second half I can handle far better than the first half. Just 2 pages left to read…

Papa, You know what is going on at work. Oh dear God – help!!!! Please!!!

And I guess that’s about all I have to say about that just now. (lol… I love that “Forrest Gump” movie!)

P.S. revelation: God is not nearly as concerned about the “organization” that is “that church” as He is about each person in it, and His relationship with each one, and their relationships as they relate to Him – (not as they relate to the organization!)

P.S. 2 God is patient, God is kind (1 Cor 13:4-7 NIV) (and 1 Thess 2) (and 1 Cor 1-4)… and so on and so forth…