8 March 2010
My friend asked me, “So why are you staying in this job at that church? Why aren’t you leaving? Is it because you feel you need the paycheque? Or…?” And I thought about that. And I realized a few things.
One thing is that I’m feeling… well… guilty… about “leaving them in the lurch with no one else available who could do this job.” Especially as they all keep begging me to stay… no matter which side of the “troubles” they happen to be aligned with… and the same with those who don’t seem to be taking sides, either.
Oh Father! The longer I stay in that job, in that place, the more confused I am becoming… and I’m doubting Your voice, even when I hear it bright and clear… and my friend said something about being on “their turf” and how “I” can’t change it, only You can – if they turn to You and let You… but meantime I feel I am being caught up in it (it is even affecting my health… and confusing me to the point where it is interfering with my relationship with You!). She mentioned that there is a chapter in Proverbs where it says, 3 times, about running from others’ … umm… evil?? Oh Papa, I have to get out of there!
And Father, it does not have to do with “my paycheque.” I know it doesn’t. I “could easily get a job at McD or Timmy’s or somewhere, for the same pay,” as I was telling her… but in the middle of my saying that, I did so clearly hear Your voice telling me that it is time to get out of the whole “job scenario,” and trust in You, and take the little opportunities that come my way (like the requests I’ve had lately for babysitting, tutoring, etc), but MOST OF ALL, to order that Christian Writer’s Digest and those other books on Christian publishing… and get writing and publishing seriously! And that You will be with me! ….
Oh yes, and one other thing… get on with my “vision” of getting together with other women to “learn and share the old skills together” … You spoke that to me so clearly, as well, when my friend and I were having that phone conversation… and I have actually already set a date for later this week to start doing that with a friend! And I want to do that with the street folks, too! Etc!
(And I really, really long to lead/ facilitation/ be part of – with You and others – study together in Your word – and prayer and worship together – in a really seriously intentional, relational, YOU way! And to reach out to my neighbors in this complex – almost 60 units, I’ve been here for going on 6 months, and only really got to know one person, who has now moved, and briefly chatted with a few others from time to time! That’s terrible! But I’ve already just the other day offered to be the “welcome wagon” person for the strata council .. and I can’t wait for nice weather so we can invite lots of people over for barbeques and stuff…)
And YOU CAN take care of our finances, eh! Especially since I know You are really leading me – us – this way!
(And maybe I’d even have some time for some art… and music… and… !!)
1 Corinthians 14:33 for God is not a God of confusion but of peace… 26… all things done for edification…
1 Thessalonians 4:11 … make it your ambition to lead a quiet life and attend to your own business and work with your hands, just as we commanded you, 12. so that you will behave properly toward one another and be in any need.
Thank You, Father, for Your confirming word!!!