Springtime Inside (Though It's Winter Outside)

(originally journaled October 2017)

I just can't imagine how I got so deep in a hole for so long.

But I feel lately like my head--and maybe my heart, too--is reopening. I hope.

Lord, You know my heart. You know how the Spiritual Disciplines are arousing feelings and thoughts that I've buried for so long. As well as longing for singing and worship and prayer. Not just alone, but with others, with Your church, too.

Last night we were invited over to a friend's place for coffee. All day long I'd been kind of tired and flat. And then there I was--belly-laughing. Something that hadn't happened since ... well, I don't know since when. It just rolled out of me, and I was so astonished and couldn't stop it. Just good old-fashioned laughter over silly stories and memories.

Yesterday was cold, grey, and rainy at the start. So I put the garden to bed. Thinking, okay, I don't need to do anything about this for a long time. Long winter's nap, you know. And now, today, I am longing to get out and really garden--and go out into the countryside and forage, too. And start using my bike and/or walk every day.

Something is waking within me, stirring. Here it's well into fall and heading fast into winter--and my mind and heart feel like spring has come inside--March, spring break, early April ... Easter resurrection, maybe?

Thank you, Lord. I was feeling very afraid that I'd "left" You for so long that You'd not want me back. But You're here now. You are.

Thank You.