September 23, 2012
Warning: this is a bit of a rant. It's political. And "religious." Etc. You may not like it. Anyway....
I am seriously shaking my head.
Reading all the "comments" to online news articles about the mid-East reactions to (apparently) the anti-Islamist film - and in particular to the $100,000 bounty offered by the Pakistani "Minister of Railways" ...
I'm just wondering...
Why are North Americans so surprised? And shocked? And outraged?
Do they seriously think that the film itself is the cause of the uprising (and the bounty-offer)? Doesn't it seem a bit suspicious that the uprising started on the 9-11 date, when the film had been released long before?
Doesn't that film itself seem suspicious? Apparently even the actors were tricked (perhaps). Is the film itself possibly a planned act of terrorism (from people on our side of the pond, people who have their own agendas...), and of war... wrapped up in supposed "free speech." If it is really free speech, why would the actors have to be tricked? And why are the producers in hiding, if they really believe in it? (And perhaps laughing with glee at how wildly successful it has been at getting such a response?)
Why are so many people talkng about how the Middle East is so "medieval" - unlike how we in North America are so "21st century... scientific ... civilized ... democratic ... ad nauseum..."?? Are we blind about our own society?
If we're so awesome, why are our prisons so full, and our governments want to fill them more? Why do so many of our citizens get through every day only with the help of "medications," both legal and illegal? Why do we constantly have examples of corruption in our own governments at all levels? Why do we still have so much racism? Why do half or more of our democracy-loving citizens fail to vote? Why do we have to fear letting our children play outdoors? Why do we have to lock up everything all the time? Why don't we get to know our neighbors? Why do we have so many people in poverty? Why do we have such a feeling of entitlement?
And why do we think our political and economic and religious and media (etc etc) systems are so superior and that everybody "out there" should be thrilled to make a 180 degree turn around and accept "our way"? Especially when most of what they know about "our way" comes from living in the middle of wars we are waging supposedly for their good? (Of course not for oil, or power, or economic control...). Oh yes, and from watching our movies and TV shows and news reports that all demonstrate what fine, moral, upright (dare I say "Christian"?) people we are in the west?
Why are people so horrified that Pakistan apparently allows one of their government ministers to make an offer like that -- in effect, out-front supporting assassination and terrorism -- when we know perfectly well that our western governments (and/or the economic and political power brokers that are behind much, if not most, of what the governments do) have always supported assassination and terrorism themselves, whenever it suits their purposes, whether it be through "secret" means like the CIA, or through so-called "just wars" that are always more about economic power and oil and whatever else suits the power-brokers at the particular moment?
And why are the commenters complaining about all the moderate Muslims who aren't standing up against the extremists/fanatics/terrorists? As if the majority of us in the west stand up against the extremists/fanatics/terrorists in whatever societal groups we identify with? (Not to mention that here in the west we are far less likely to lose our lives for so doing - so why don't we?)
Why do people lament about how ignorant and uneducated and poverty-stricken the majority of people in nations like Pakistan are -- and how wealthy the leaders are, and how their money must come from corruption or whatever -- and how "religion" is used by the powerful to keep themselves in power... yet so many people in North America seem to be just as ignorant and uneducated, or at least apparently choose to blithely accept whatever they are fed by the media and government (oh yes, and by religion)? And yes, by "science," too, and by "statistics" (egad!) and such ... doctored or dumbed-down to present whatever message those in power wish to inculcate at the present moment? Are we really "more thoughtful citizens" than those poor, uneducated, ignorant people over there? Especially since we have "21st century advantages" and "civilized democratic history" and all?
Why do we so easily forget the truths about our own political and religious past ... and ignore the truths of our present? And why don't we see where that choice to forget ... and to ignore what is happening right under our very noses? Do we really think that "radical Islamic threat infiltrating North America" would be so worrisome and powerful if we hadn't already abdicated our individual and societal responsibilities long ago, to dozens of equally dangerous threats that we don't even recognize?
Don't we realize that human beings who crave power will use whatever works for them? Religion, political systems, science, media of all kinds, educational systems (or lack thereof), wars, terrorism, economic systems (no, capitalism is NOT "Christian" - nor is democracy nor free trade nor....), etc etc etc...
This is all nothing new.
This is human nature.
We can choose to rail against others.
Or we can open our eyes to see the truth about ourselves. About all of us. Humanity.
We can each choose to make small differences right where we are, that together will stand against those who would manipulate and destroy in order to attain and maintain power for themselves.
Or can we?
Will we even try?
(Some would say it's not worth it - or not possible)
(Others would deny we have any problems)
(Others would prefer to carry on the "them" blame game)
(And lots of us would prefer to just ignore the whole thing... as if ignoring will make it disappear...)
I mean, do we even care?
Do we even truly believe in what we say we believe?
Do I even truly believe in what I say I believe?
If I do, it will be enacted, worked out, lived out in my life every day.
Is that happening?
Do I really believe?
Am I making any difference at all?
And how many people would it take, I wonder, to reach "critical mass" to start to make a change? And how long would we have to keep at it? Could we ever relax and let go, confident things would stay the way we want them? I doubt it. People who really want power never give up. What about people who want peace? How much do they want it? Are they willing to strive for it for the rest of their lives? No matter what it costs? (And yes, it costs. Big time).
We know from human history that violence only breeds violence. Violence is the road to power.
Violence is not the road to peace.
Are we really willing to turn the other cheek? Carry the load the extra mile? Hand out that cup of cold water? Visit those in prison? Share our food with the hungry until there no one is hungering (What would that involve?)? Invite the homeless into our homes? Joyfully suffer persecution for righteousness sake?
Give up our very life if it comes to that?
What does it really mean for me to follow Jesus?
What am I willing to sacrifice?
How far am I willing to follow?
Do I really, really truly believe in all that?
Do I even want to truly contemplate it?
Never mind actually live it ... for as long as it takes ...
As long as I live.
And willing to die.
Really?
Because if I'm not, then I'm part of the problem, aren't I?
(Shaking my head at myself right now...)
Sunday, 23 September 2012
Sunday, 16 September 2012
faith
September 16, 2012 (really!)
So thank You for that book, and what You showed me, through it, about faith...
How faith is not something we conjure (with great effort) from within ourselves... but comes out of our realization of our total helplessness (and sinfulness...) and our need for utter dependence upon You.
Only then can we cry out to You, "Help my unbelief" ... and allow You to provide that mustard seed that allows us the faith to turn to You with our supplications: earnestly, perseveringly ... "by prayer and fasting," yes?
And consecrated to Your work... not to our ideas, our efforts, our goals...
"...can alone avail to bring the Holy Spirit's aid in the battle against principalities and powers, the rulers of the darkness of this world, and wicked spirits in high places."
Oh! And when we allow sadness, doubt, jealousy etc to take root in our hearts, we come into a state of darkness from which we cannot battle the enemy. (We must be on guard to not become careless... Carelessness leads to stumbling and unbelief and lack of faith and thus of God's power... right?)
It is faith that connects us with Heaven's strength... we must constantly realize our helpless unworthiness and cast ourselves on the compassion of the Saviour... "Look not to self, but to Christ."
Okay, thank You. That's clearer to me, now, for sure, than my past "understanding"...
Now... to act upon it.
How?
What does it mean to understand my own weakness and cast myself at Your feet?
Is there a "method"?
Do I need to go through great difficulties and great emotions?
Have I ever been there - in truly seeking You, totally admitting and casting my weakness and unbelief at Your feet?
If I am asking that question... does it mean that the answer must be "no" ... or perhaps that I've become cold/ stone-hearted and careless... or that maybe I've known a little of it (though perhaps not in exactly the way portrayed in that passage) ... but You are calling me now to step out and go deeper with You ... into work of Yours which will require far more of Your strength than I've ever before dared think of, believe in, cry out for?
I find myself right now wanting more...
But still saying "Help my unbelief?" with a question mark... not with a desperate exclamation mark like that father in the story...
If You send along a circumstance that requires that depth of cry, am I ready to cry out to You that desperately? I'm beginning to think I might be...
(But belief is acting, not just thinking....
Maybe it does take circumstances to find out ... ?)
(It does seem that when things are going smoothly... or when I've had some kind of "mountain top" time... or a prayer has been "answered" and I feel like I don't have to pray about it anymore ... or even when "struggles" have seemed small enough that I probably can handle this myself, or at least mostly myself... that I get careless...)
(Another thing about "little struggles" is that I'm not "desperate enough" I guess...)
(But do I really want big struggles and attacks?)
(Is that You asking me that question?)
(It kind of seems like big struggles I obviously, totally can't handle seem to be about the only way I [might] let You really "get through to me" ... or let You give me the mustard seed of faith I need to believe You... which is where this started...)
(And if that's the case...
Yes. I guess so. Okay?)
(Am I sure? No. But how else can I know? Why is it so easy for me to be careless and doubting... and so hesitant to really, really throw myself on You!!??)
Why is consecration so hard?
(Is it that hard for everyone? Or am I especially hopeless... unbelieving...?)
Help??
Please?
(Whatever it takes...) (okay)
(help!)
So thank You for that book, and what You showed me, through it, about faith...
How faith is not something we conjure (with great effort) from within ourselves... but comes out of our realization of our total helplessness (and sinfulness...) and our need for utter dependence upon You.
Only then can we cry out to You, "Help my unbelief" ... and allow You to provide that mustard seed that allows us the faith to turn to You with our supplications: earnestly, perseveringly ... "by prayer and fasting," yes?
And consecrated to Your work... not to our ideas, our efforts, our goals...
"...can alone avail to bring the Holy Spirit's aid in the battle against principalities and powers, the rulers of the darkness of this world, and wicked spirits in high places."
Oh! And when we allow sadness, doubt, jealousy etc to take root in our hearts, we come into a state of darkness from which we cannot battle the enemy. (We must be on guard to not become careless... Carelessness leads to stumbling and unbelief and lack of faith and thus of God's power... right?)
It is faith that connects us with Heaven's strength... we must constantly realize our helpless unworthiness and cast ourselves on the compassion of the Saviour... "Look not to self, but to Christ."
Okay, thank You. That's clearer to me, now, for sure, than my past "understanding"...
Now... to act upon it.
How?
What does it mean to understand my own weakness and cast myself at Your feet?
Is there a "method"?
Do I need to go through great difficulties and great emotions?
Have I ever been there - in truly seeking You, totally admitting and casting my weakness and unbelief at Your feet?
If I am asking that question... does it mean that the answer must be "no" ... or perhaps that I've become cold/ stone-hearted and careless... or that maybe I've known a little of it (though perhaps not in exactly the way portrayed in that passage) ... but You are calling me now to step out and go deeper with You ... into work of Yours which will require far more of Your strength than I've ever before dared think of, believe in, cry out for?
I find myself right now wanting more...
But still saying "Help my unbelief?" with a question mark... not with a desperate exclamation mark like that father in the story...
If You send along a circumstance that requires that depth of cry, am I ready to cry out to You that desperately? I'm beginning to think I might be...
(But belief is acting, not just thinking....
Maybe it does take circumstances to find out ... ?)
(It does seem that when things are going smoothly... or when I've had some kind of "mountain top" time... or a prayer has been "answered" and I feel like I don't have to pray about it anymore ... or even when "struggles" have seemed small enough that I probably can handle this myself, or at least mostly myself... that I get careless...)
(Another thing about "little struggles" is that I'm not "desperate enough" I guess...)
(But do I really want big struggles and attacks?)
(Is that You asking me that question?)
(It kind of seems like big struggles I obviously, totally can't handle seem to be about the only way I [might] let You really "get through to me" ... or let You give me the mustard seed of faith I need to believe You... which is where this started...)
(And if that's the case...
Yes. I guess so. Okay?)
(Am I sure? No. But how else can I know? Why is it so easy for me to be careless and doubting... and so hesitant to really, really throw myself on You!!??)
Why is consecration so hard?
(Is it that hard for everyone? Or am I especially hopeless... unbelieving...?)
Help??
Please?
(Whatever it takes...) (okay)
(help!)
emotions and feelings
September 14, 2012 (almost caught up!)
Okay, so I again am struck by how little I seem to "emotionally" react to the story of the crucifixion.
I have heard it described (often graphically) over and over in sermons, books ... and the Bible... I have seen it portrayed on film (The Passion of the Christ, Ben Hur, The Story of Jesus, etc)... sometimes extremely graphically.
I have seen others weep - and "fall to their face at the foot of the cross, repenting of their sins."
I've seen people run out of the theatre because they couldn't bear to watch any more...
I "know" that as followers of Jesus we are to "take up our cross daily and follow Him." I understand that refers to daily "putting to death of self" ... and sometimes also to accepting persecution and even death.
BUT... I don't "feel" the whole "terror of the cross." Does that mean I don't "get it"? That I have never truly experienced or accepted or understood or known the cross - and the significance of Jesus' sacrifice?
Was it driven from me by repeated sermons and pictures and Bible stories from an early age so that I became number (or possibly put up walls? or possibly mainly saw it as "just another Bible story"? or by the firmly taught belief that we as Protestants focus - proudly? - on the resurrection, which is why our churches feature "an empty cross" (while "those Catholics" keep Jesus hanging there, crucifying Him over and over, and never moving on to His resurrection power... and to grace... )??? oh dear.
Am I just stubborn and don't want to "take up my cross daily," don't want to "suffer," don't want to "stand up and be labeled a holy roller" (yep, that traumatic episode on the first day of grade eight still shaking me up...)? Have I bought into the "just say the sinner's prayer and you're saved and will go to heaven" message that seems to pretty much ignore the real sacrifice involved - by Jesus on the cross... and then by His disciples for the rest of their lives....?
Or am I just not as emotional as some people? (Or maybe brought up to avoid "emotionalism" ... though we'd get "doses" of it every year at Bible camp and sometimes from "evangelists" coming into town for a week or two of "special meetings.")
I guess what I'm asking, Lord, is if my lack of emotional, heart-broken, "throwing myself at the foot of the cross" reaction to "the cross" is a problem? Does it mean I'm not truly following You? Or even that I really don't understand (maybe even haven't truly accepted and followed) You? and Your gospel?
... later ...
I just realized something ... there have been times when I have wept at the realization of my sin and inadequacy and pride etc ... and at the realization of what the cross really was about ... but those times were (mainly) in "corporate" settings (with others of Your church), rather than in my "personal devotions" or whatever.
Which I have wondered about, sometimes, about if I was just giving into "group hysteria" or something.
But I think it was more that that. We are called to spiritual life together, as You Yourself set the example, Jesus. And as the records of the early church illustrate repeatedly.
There are times when we reach out to You individually. But we are, by Bible example it seems to me, called to seeking and knowing You together.
It seems like in our society, which prizes "rugged individualism," we've made our walk with You as totally "personal" as possible. And maybe we're missing out on some things because of it.
(Of course, maybe I'm also afraid of being seen as a "fanatic") (and then there's tradition ...) (and fear of Your Spirit ... as if maybe You'll turn out to be a fanatic, too ...)
Okay, so I again am struck by how little I seem to "emotionally" react to the story of the crucifixion.
I have heard it described (often graphically) over and over in sermons, books ... and the Bible... I have seen it portrayed on film (The Passion of the Christ, Ben Hur, The Story of Jesus, etc)... sometimes extremely graphically.
I have seen others weep - and "fall to their face at the foot of the cross, repenting of their sins."
I've seen people run out of the theatre because they couldn't bear to watch any more...
I "know" that as followers of Jesus we are to "take up our cross daily and follow Him." I understand that refers to daily "putting to death of self" ... and sometimes also to accepting persecution and even death.
BUT... I don't "feel" the whole "terror of the cross." Does that mean I don't "get it"? That I have never truly experienced or accepted or understood or known the cross - and the significance of Jesus' sacrifice?
Was it driven from me by repeated sermons and pictures and Bible stories from an early age so that I became number (or possibly put up walls? or possibly mainly saw it as "just another Bible story"? or by the firmly taught belief that we as Protestants focus - proudly? - on the resurrection, which is why our churches feature "an empty cross" (while "those Catholics" keep Jesus hanging there, crucifying Him over and over, and never moving on to His resurrection power... and to grace... )??? oh dear.
Am I just stubborn and don't want to "take up my cross daily," don't want to "suffer," don't want to "stand up and be labeled a holy roller" (yep, that traumatic episode on the first day of grade eight still shaking me up...)? Have I bought into the "just say the sinner's prayer and you're saved and will go to heaven" message that seems to pretty much ignore the real sacrifice involved - by Jesus on the cross... and then by His disciples for the rest of their lives....?
Or am I just not as emotional as some people? (Or maybe brought up to avoid "emotionalism" ... though we'd get "doses" of it every year at Bible camp and sometimes from "evangelists" coming into town for a week or two of "special meetings.")
I guess what I'm asking, Lord, is if my lack of emotional, heart-broken, "throwing myself at the foot of the cross" reaction to "the cross" is a problem? Does it mean I'm not truly following You? Or even that I really don't understand (maybe even haven't truly accepted and followed) You? and Your gospel?
... later ...
I just realized something ... there have been times when I have wept at the realization of my sin and inadequacy and pride etc ... and at the realization of what the cross really was about ... but those times were (mainly) in "corporate" settings (with others of Your church), rather than in my "personal devotions" or whatever.
Which I have wondered about, sometimes, about if I was just giving into "group hysteria" or something.
But I think it was more that that. We are called to spiritual life together, as You Yourself set the example, Jesus. And as the records of the early church illustrate repeatedly.
There are times when we reach out to You individually. But we are, by Bible example it seems to me, called to seeking and knowing You together.
It seems like in our society, which prizes "rugged individualism," we've made our walk with You as totally "personal" as possible. And maybe we're missing out on some things because of it.
(Of course, maybe I'm also afraid of being seen as a "fanatic") (and then there's tradition ...) (and fear of Your Spirit ... as if maybe You'll turn out to be a fanatic, too ...)
poor in spirit
August 12, 2012 (getting closer!)
"Blessed are the poor in spirit (not spiritually arrogant - margin) for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." (Mt 5:2)
I'm beginning to think people -- okay, me! -- can be "spiritually arrogant" not only by considering myself to be "super-righteous" or "super-religious" ... but also by priding myself on "questioning it all" and being scornful/ judgmental toward others who think they already know it all, toward others who seem to be happy to just accept other folks' interpretations without question, toward those who don't seem to worry or care about "spiritual things" much at all (be they "believers" or "unbelievers" or "agnostics" or whatever...) :-(
I wonder if "poor" doesn't also mean "humble" - recognizing one's own lack of understanding - and one's own true inability to really understand at all without the total (!?!) direction of Your Spirit ... ("please help me to understand better" vs "please reveal so I can understand at all" ... are You "the Revealer" ... or just a "helpful hint-er" to turn to when we find ourselves a bit puzzled?? oh dear...)
Anything else?
What about grateful and appreciative and respectful (okay, in total awe, truly worshiping, prostrated before You! for Your salvation, Presence, Spirit, Love, Truth ... all ... for being All in All .. for Being!)
All areas in which I have so, so, so far to go :-(
Yes, being spiritually arrogant (in whatever way(s) that manifests itself) just puts up a big brick wall against any spiritual growth, development, relationship building. Sure does. I know that from my own personal arrogance. (Sorry, Lord. I've really only seen that very recently... how much of a "Pharisee" I am myself....)
So what now? "Repent"? ... but how? What does that really mean?
"I'm sorry."
(I'm a good Canadian! People make jokes about Canadians and how they are always apologizing. Well, I'm for sure an apologizer... and hedger. I mean, have you noticed all the "perhaps's" and "maybes" and similar hedging expressions in my writing? "Keeping the peace." "Not offending." Being "reasonably tolerant" (now isn't THAT a double-whamming hedging expression!!!).
(When my kids were teens, they'd get mad at me for my constant "I'm sorry"s everytime something happened that upset the family "peace." They'd inform me that I really wasn't sorry...)
It seems that really being sorry demands a big change (total, turn-about, 180 degree type change). It seems tears and "I'm sorry"s aren't enough.
So what IS repentance? What does it mean?
Let's go back to John the Baptist's message for a minute. What did he say? Confess sins (really desire forgiveness!), be baptized, not just fleeing from the wrath to come but bearing good fruit here and now, sharing your extra tunic with someone who has none, same with food, not taking things by force, not falsely accusing (oops... does that include embellishing stories... and gossip...)... yep, all major life changes for the people he was talking to....
And what happens without repentance? Winnowing and threshing ... and the chaff burned up with unquenchable fire....
Poor in spirit?
If I want to be that, obviously my life will change. My motivations will change. I will turn away from my prideful, judgmental attitudes... (I'll stop any kind of gossiping, too...) (Etc...)
But how? Lord, please help me to see where I am NOT poor in spirit ... Help me repent ... Help me to depend totally on You instead of on my own self-reliance and "goodness" or whatever ...
(Do I really want all that?)
(I think so... yes...)
How?
"Confess your sins."
List them. Individually. So you really see them ... and their impact.
And do it every day.
Keep your eyes, ears, heart open to see yourself... as others see. As God sees. (Yes, God "sees you through Jesus" and you are "no longer under condemnation" on the basis of Jesus' salvation) ... but now go on to LIVE in that ... live as Jesus lives, live as/who you now ARE. Be grateful, be joyful (surely you have reason to be!)... Flee from the life of arrogance and pride you've been rescued - saved - from. Why would you even want to stay there? Don't! Move on into the life Jesus has provided for you!
If you don't want to live Jesus' life ... if you "can't" ... have you really repented after all? Do you truly believe? Do you really "get" the wonder and awe of the gospel, of what Jesus has done for you? Really?
ohhhhh.
"Blessed are the poor in spirit (not spiritually arrogant - margin) for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." (Mt 5:2)
I'm beginning to think people -- okay, me! -- can be "spiritually arrogant" not only by considering myself to be "super-righteous" or "super-religious" ... but also by priding myself on "questioning it all" and being scornful/ judgmental toward others who think they already know it all, toward others who seem to be happy to just accept other folks' interpretations without question, toward those who don't seem to worry or care about "spiritual things" much at all (be they "believers" or "unbelievers" or "agnostics" or whatever...) :-(
I wonder if "poor" doesn't also mean "humble" - recognizing one's own lack of understanding - and one's own true inability to really understand at all without the total (!?!) direction of Your Spirit ... ("please help me to understand better" vs "please reveal so I can understand at all" ... are You "the Revealer" ... or just a "helpful hint-er" to turn to when we find ourselves a bit puzzled?? oh dear...)
Anything else?
What about grateful and appreciative and respectful (okay, in total awe, truly worshiping, prostrated before You! for Your salvation, Presence, Spirit, Love, Truth ... all ... for being All in All .. for Being!)
All areas in which I have so, so, so far to go :-(
Yes, being spiritually arrogant (in whatever way(s) that manifests itself) just puts up a big brick wall against any spiritual growth, development, relationship building. Sure does. I know that from my own personal arrogance. (Sorry, Lord. I've really only seen that very recently... how much of a "Pharisee" I am myself....)
So what now? "Repent"? ... but how? What does that really mean?
"I'm sorry."
(I'm a good Canadian! People make jokes about Canadians and how they are always apologizing. Well, I'm for sure an apologizer... and hedger. I mean, have you noticed all the "perhaps's" and "maybes" and similar hedging expressions in my writing? "Keeping the peace." "Not offending." Being "reasonably tolerant" (now isn't THAT a double-whamming hedging expression!!!).
(When my kids were teens, they'd get mad at me for my constant "I'm sorry"s everytime something happened that upset the family "peace." They'd inform me that I really wasn't sorry...)
It seems that really being sorry demands a big change (total, turn-about, 180 degree type change). It seems tears and "I'm sorry"s aren't enough.
So what IS repentance? What does it mean?
Let's go back to John the Baptist's message for a minute. What did he say? Confess sins (really desire forgiveness!), be baptized, not just fleeing from the wrath to come but bearing good fruit here and now, sharing your extra tunic with someone who has none, same with food, not taking things by force, not falsely accusing (oops... does that include embellishing stories... and gossip...)... yep, all major life changes for the people he was talking to....
And what happens without repentance? Winnowing and threshing ... and the chaff burned up with unquenchable fire....
Poor in spirit?
If I want to be that, obviously my life will change. My motivations will change. I will turn away from my prideful, judgmental attitudes... (I'll stop any kind of gossiping, too...) (Etc...)
But how? Lord, please help me to see where I am NOT poor in spirit ... Help me repent ... Help me to depend totally on You instead of on my own self-reliance and "goodness" or whatever ...
(Do I really want all that?)
(I think so... yes...)
How?
"Confess your sins."
List them. Individually. So you really see them ... and their impact.
And do it every day.
Keep your eyes, ears, heart open to see yourself... as others see. As God sees. (Yes, God "sees you through Jesus" and you are "no longer under condemnation" on the basis of Jesus' salvation) ... but now go on to LIVE in that ... live as Jesus lives, live as/who you now ARE. Be grateful, be joyful (surely you have reason to be!)... Flee from the life of arrogance and pride you've been rescued - saved - from. Why would you even want to stay there? Don't! Move on into the life Jesus has provided for you!
If you don't want to live Jesus' life ... if you "can't" ... have you really repented after all? Do you truly believe? Do you really "get" the wonder and awe of the gospel, of what Jesus has done for you? Really?
ohhhhh.
Sabbaths
September 10, 2010 (catching up again, yes)
I decided to do Sunday Sabbaths (no, I don't mean religious days; I mean days of rest ... and Sunday works well, because I have to "go to work" Monday to Friday, and often need to help family or do other things like that on Saturdays. So Sunday made sense from the "resting" viewpoint).
But I kind of forgot what that can mean if I don't get everything done (chiefly tutoring preps, editing, and other "work-related" stuff due Monday morning, you know) by Saturday evening. So I wasn't feeling well on Saturday ... spent time sleeping, not able to focus well, etc ... but maybe also focused on some things that could have been done later...
I guess I wanted my Sabbath days to be "holy" in that I'm doing this because You set the example by resting (I wonder what You really did that day? Took an extra long stroll in the garden, just enjoying the new creation and its "good"-ness? Or?) Anyway, I was pretty sure that the time I spent yesterday at the "church gathering" and the journaling/ Bible time with You ... maybe that nice little stroll in the park too? ... might "qualify" ...
(Did I really think that???)
... but did watching a movie with my hubby in the morning fit it? (a kind of violent kung-fooey sort of movie actually) (but it did make him happy to have me sit with him sharing in something he enjoys...)...
... and what about the time I spent looking at facebook (which I intended NOT to do on my "Sabbaths"!) ... well, I did post a link to a couple articles on "grace" ... in a slightly hesitant manner, I must admit ... oh boy, why am I so scared about posting things I find interesting .... I guess I just don't like all those pictures and posters people put up that have "religious" sayings splashed over them... though I do like -- and admire -- when people post up their own thoughts, and links to actually thoughtful blog posts and stuff. Especially when posting those thoughts are going to make some people mad, even though the posts are thoughtful and gently worded and all.
(LOL When I want to "stir the pot" a bit, or just want to say something I'm kind of afraid some folks won't like, I generally do it here! Why? Because almost no one reads it? While I have like 700 "friends" on facebook? ha! One day, I was shocked to see that almost a hundred people read one of my blog posts ... probably more than my fb statuses even with all my friends. Oh my.)
Anyway, why am I so scared?
Am I "ashamed of You"?
Old habits die hard?
I wonder how many of my "friends" on facebook even know I'm following You? (And if they don't, am I not really following You after all?) :-(
I decided to do Sunday Sabbaths (no, I don't mean religious days; I mean days of rest ... and Sunday works well, because I have to "go to work" Monday to Friday, and often need to help family or do other things like that on Saturdays. So Sunday made sense from the "resting" viewpoint).
But I kind of forgot what that can mean if I don't get everything done (chiefly tutoring preps, editing, and other "work-related" stuff due Monday morning, you know) by Saturday evening. So I wasn't feeling well on Saturday ... spent time sleeping, not able to focus well, etc ... but maybe also focused on some things that could have been done later...
I guess I wanted my Sabbath days to be "holy" in that I'm doing this because You set the example by resting (I wonder what You really did that day? Took an extra long stroll in the garden, just enjoying the new creation and its "good"-ness? Or?) Anyway, I was pretty sure that the time I spent yesterday at the "church gathering" and the journaling/ Bible time with You ... maybe that nice little stroll in the park too? ... might "qualify" ...
(Did I really think that???)
... but did watching a movie with my hubby in the morning fit it? (a kind of violent kung-fooey sort of movie actually) (but it did make him happy to have me sit with him sharing in something he enjoys...)...
... and what about the time I spent looking at facebook (which I intended NOT to do on my "Sabbaths"!) ... well, I did post a link to a couple articles on "grace" ... in a slightly hesitant manner, I must admit ... oh boy, why am I so scared about posting things I find interesting .... I guess I just don't like all those pictures and posters people put up that have "religious" sayings splashed over them... though I do like -- and admire -- when people post up their own thoughts, and links to actually thoughtful blog posts and stuff. Especially when posting those thoughts are going to make some people mad, even though the posts are thoughtful and gently worded and all.
(LOL When I want to "stir the pot" a bit, or just want to say something I'm kind of afraid some folks won't like, I generally do it here! Why? Because almost no one reads it? While I have like 700 "friends" on facebook? ha! One day, I was shocked to see that almost a hundred people read one of my blog posts ... probably more than my fb statuses even with all my friends. Oh my.)
Anyway, why am I so scared?
Am I "ashamed of You"?
Old habits die hard?
I wonder how many of my "friends" on facebook even know I'm following You? (And if they don't, am I not really following You after all?) :-(
carrying bricks
September 7, 2012 (yes, still typing a week later...)
On facebook, I read:
If you carry bricks from your past relationships to the new one, you will build the same house. The bricks consist of fear, jealousy, control, anger, doubt, lack of trust.
Leave the bricks behind!
(Xylang Jaad Xyla's status)
Do I do this in my relationship with You? :-(
And with others? :-(
I mean about carrying the bricks from the past with me?
Please help me leave those bricks behind.
On facebook, I read:
If you carry bricks from your past relationships to the new one, you will build the same house. The bricks consist of fear, jealousy, control, anger, doubt, lack of trust.
Leave the bricks behind!
(Xylang Jaad Xyla's status)
Do I do this in my relationship with You? :-(
And with others? :-(
I mean about carrying the bricks from the past with me?
Please help me leave those bricks behind.
do methods help
7 September 2012 (yes, yes, a week ago)
So I was "studying" Matthew 4. And I only got half way through, when the "plan" was the whole chapter. And I found myself asking, "Can I stop half way through the chapter, and pick up the rest later?"
I DON'T "HAVE TO" ... or "SHOULD" ... follow a set plan or method ... or make a "habit" of "devotions" or whatever. Do I? (And yes, we talked about this at the gathering this morning, too).
I DO want to hear You, though.
All the time.
But I'm not a very good listener.
I want to be.
A "method" might be helpful....
Or maybe not.
Maybe just practicing. Listening... Seeing, hearing, touching, smelling (?), tasting [you know, "taste and see..."] Your Presence...
Maybe there is something "sense-ual" about the Common Meal, the Eucharist, that makes it important for us (besides the "spiritual sense" ... and no, I wasn't referring to transsubstantion or whatever ... which I really don't know much about by the way)...
And about being out in nature...
And listening to and singing/ making music....
And about sharing a cup of cold water...
A kind of "physical knowing/ sensing" of You that we very flesh-ly creatures need?
"When you did it unto the least of these, You did it unto Me."
Enough. For now.
So I was "studying" Matthew 4. And I only got half way through, when the "plan" was the whole chapter. And I found myself asking, "Can I stop half way through the chapter, and pick up the rest later?"
I DON'T "HAVE TO" ... or "SHOULD" ... follow a set plan or method ... or make a "habit" of "devotions" or whatever. Do I? (And yes, we talked about this at the gathering this morning, too).
I DO want to hear You, though.
All the time.
But I'm not a very good listener.
I want to be.
A "method" might be helpful....
Or maybe not.
Maybe just practicing. Listening... Seeing, hearing, touching, smelling (?), tasting [you know, "taste and see..."] Your Presence...
Maybe there is something "sense-ual" about the Common Meal, the Eucharist, that makes it important for us (besides the "spiritual sense" ... and no, I wasn't referring to transsubstantion or whatever ... which I really don't know much about by the way)...
And about being out in nature...
And listening to and singing/ making music....
And about sharing a cup of cold water...
A kind of "physical knowing/ sensing" of You that we very flesh-ly creatures need?
"When you did it unto the least of these, You did it unto Me."
Enough. For now.
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