Prayers about war

(journaled March 2016)

Today I was reading some prayers from the Anglican Common Prayer book (1950s Canadian version) which are related to war. I have become more and more ambivalent about war, and really find myself getting quite deep into the pacifist camp. At the same time, I am realizing that war is pretty much "human nature" and also beloved by the ruling elites because of the power it offers (and who rarely send their own sons and daughters to fight). I just am having a really hard time wrapping my head around Christians who seem to love and support wars (well, they love and support the war-loving political parties, too...)

One of the prayers reads: "...strengthen and protect ... shelter ... keep them safe from all evil ... and grant that in all things they may serve as seeing Thee who are invisible, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen."  But should we not pray for those caught up in the fighting on both sides, those "conscripted" or convinced by their respective sides that their side is right? Not to mention the civilians caught up in the middle of it.

On the other hand, I sure don't feel like praying for those who create and support the wars, due to their desire for power and wealth.

I kind of understand about praying for those who stand up against tyranny and evil ... if only wars were that simple. But this prayer invokes Jesus' name, he who taught "turning the other cheek."

And oh my goodness: what would happen if all militaries actually "served as seeing Thee who art invisible"? If they looked up from the battle and all saw You looking down on them, what would they do? Keep killing each other, thinking You're approving them (and that You're opposing the "other side"?)(as Constantine apparently did, and the Crusaders, and, yes, lots of military leaders today). Or fall with their faces to the ground and throw away their weapons in shame? or?

I think a lot of the "just war theory" appeals to the Old Testament militaristic record. (And what's with all that Old Testament war and mayhem anyway? And how, oh how, does it line up with the New Testament record ... and then back to the final battles of Armageddon and so on?)

I think that under the power of evil, war is inevitable ... and if no one fought, would the evil power just get stronger? Could "turning the other cheek" really stop it, in a world under so much of the rule of the enemy (yet which, thankfully, is still itself under the rule of God ... how that must gall the evil powers).

But even if war is inevitable in this world, does that mean believers should agree to take up arms?

What about all those gun-lovers, including so many civilian ones? They LOVE their guns! What is with that? (And so many of them claim to love Jesus, too...)

Well, the next prayer has some good points ... but I wonder: if God judged the "other side" to be more in the right, what then? If God is asked to judge--rescue--in OUR wars--would He even be willing? And if so, would we accept that judgment, really?

I suppose, as long as the enemy chooses to war against righteousness, war is inevitable ... even for the "Lord of Hosts" -- and His angels --- and His people?  I don't know. I wonder how God sees war? I'm sure for Him it's about righteousness vs evil--but what does that really mean?

"Lord of hosts, that rulest and commandest all things: Thou sittest in the throne judging right, and therefore we [ask] ... that thou wouldst take the cause into thine own hand, and judge between us and our enemies .... O let not our sins not cry against us for vengeance, but ... be a defence unto us against the face of the enemy. Make it appear that thou art our ... mighty Deliverer."

What if God judges against our side?

I think this prayer means that we want to win--and when we do, we want people to be able to say, "See? It's obvious--God gave the victory to us. He really is on our side! We are God's favoured people!" (Kind of like when football players kneel on the field after a victory to give thanks--or throw down their helmets and yell in anger when they lose).

What if it is our own sins that have brought us to this point of war? Of course, it always is to some degree. And what if both sides are crying out to God for mercy (so they can win, presumably--though I doubt there is any true victory in man's wars ...). What is the righteous Judge to do?

"God ... to whom it belongeth justly to punish sinners, and to be merciful to them that truly repent: Save us and deliver us ... from the hands of our enemies...." BUT: Do we truly repent and turn to God when war arrives on our doorstep? Do we? And if we did, would not our response to it be different? Would we still march proudly, patriotically, enthusiastically, "righteously" into battle?

"....abate their pride, assuage their malice, and confound their devices...." But what about our own pride, malice and devices?

"....to glorify thee, who art the only giver of all victory ..." Do You really want to be glorified for stepping into our wars? Unless we are truly your people--but in that case, would we be warring in the first place? Spending huge amounts on our military capabilities, etc.?

If "conscientious objectors" offered to "pray for God's will" during battles (instead of fighting in those battles)--I wonder if the military leaders would even want them to do that? I suspect God's will is not man's will--and the military would be wise to fear His will.

Do You honour those who really are pacifists on account of following and believing in You? I think so. But I am also pretty sure they will face dishonor from the world, just as Jesus did. Even torture and death. But oh, to be in relationship with You through it all, forever. That makes it all worthwhile, right?

What is Your Truth?

(journaled Feb 24, 2016)

Lord God--what is your Truth? Many writers/preachers/etc. nowadays seem to have their own "take" on Truth, and seem sure that they are right and others are wrong. There seems to be a pride in "being right" . . . and not much love, care, concern toward others . . . except being concerned to show, in minutest detail, how others are wrong. We can see others' shortcomings--or outright wrongs--but not our own, it seems.

And yet, lately, I have become concerned that I have been wandering off the path, becoming too "liberal" (or neo-liberal?) in my ways of thinking, wandering from the basic teachings of scripture. So I find myself retreating to  a "back to the faith of our fathers" ... and I find I am linked to the "Protestant" tradition. Is it because of the way I was brought up?  I am also becoming more wary of the kind of Christianity that is strongly mixed up with metaphysical approaches.

I don't want to get caught up again in a fundamentalism that is cold and "doctrine/law" based, and pushes relationship with You--love of You--away. But I also don't want wishy-washy-ness. I feel scared right now, because I don't know where to turn--other than to You. I feel like I don't trust anyone other than You.

And then I worry very much that my perception of You may be just that--my perception--and I might be all wrong. O dear God, please guide me to Yourself--to You, the Way, the Truth, the Life.  I don't expect to find "pat answers" exactly, because You're far more than the "pat answers" of human understanding. I believe that. But I also believe (because You said it, Jesus) that there is a simple faith, a child-like faith, that is available to us--and that we are to use and follow as we follow You.

I really, really would like to find that core of faith in You that is clear, and straight, the narrow path that provides a clear road to You, so I'm not so easily led down other paths--or intrigued by them. I absolutely need to keep my eyes fixed on You, Jesus ... and not distracted by the approval of others (so that I listen to and absorb their ideas that are not centered on You, the Truth).

I find myself in an awkward position where I've said so many angry--and arrogant--things against "traditional church" and people who are "shallow" or "easily led" ("sheeple") and so on ... and I've prided myself on getting out, getting free ... and now I find myself wanting to pull back, to find that which is  good and true and stable in "traditional church." And fear that my whining and my questioning and my arrogance may well be responsible for leading others astray.

Oh dear God, please guide me to see where I've been wrong (but also where I'm okay), and encourage others to follow You faithfully.  Not to get so caught up in "side topics" that they lose sight of You the way I have done.

clergy and lay people

(journaled Feb 16, 2006)

I am thinking more and more that our "problem" with "leadership/clergy" is actually more a problem with "lay persons"--who have little or no role other than to turn up and agree with the leaders.

Okay, of course it is more complicated that that, but really, creating a large class of "non-ministry" church members is a big problem, because by putting the "focus" in the hands of a few, it tends to take the focus off Jesus as Lord; it discourages the "lay people" from really being involved as part of the church body, growing in faith and grace and relationship with God, from doing their part--using their gifts--for the health and edification of the church, from spreading the gospel, from loving God and others, from being valued equally as Jesus values all equally.

There is a place for "leadership" (though, oh, I have disliked the "L word") but it must be a place of humility and serving, as in "the greatest must be the least," as Jesus Himself has shown. There is no place for "human" honor and trappings, though certainly there is a place for respect and love, and yes, even obedience when the leader is walking close with Jesus (and if he/she isn't, they are no longer actually worthy of leadership).

There is also no place for those who would say, "My church," or attach their personal name to a "ministry," as that path can so easily lead to a man/woman "being in charge" rather than Jesus. It does seem there are occasional people who are very humble, and yet have their name attached to their ministry (like Billy Graham, perhaps), but there are far too many cases, especially in North American ministries with the leader's name attached, which have become far too "leader-centered" (man or woman).

Such a fine line, but I am inclining to give more value to clergy/leaders than I did a few years ago when I became so discouraged at what I saw happening in churches focusing on a human leader. At the same time, I am still wanting all members of the body of Christ to be valued, and recognized and encouraged for the roles God has called them to.

Something to think more about...

Connection to Creation

(journaled Jan 6, 2016)

"The stars sang for joy" at creation, didn't they? Why have we--at least the evangelicals I've known--focused so much on people praising the Lord, but basically ignored, or even been afraid of, thinking about how all the other aspects of creation are called upon also in scripture, to praise the Lord.

It certainly is a reminder to us that we are only a part of creation and that we are to be united with the rest of creation in the basic purpose of our creation: praising, magnifying, blessing, worshipping our Creator. Maybe it's partly our smugness, even pride, about being "a special creation," or "the pinnacle of creation," or the "only thinking/reasoning creatures" or whatever. Maybe we don't want to admit that God enjoys and is praised by the rest of creation too, each in its own way.

Scripture is actually pretty anthropomorphic about the ways it does that! Like mountains skipping and stars singing, and so on. Maybe we don't want to be humble enough to realize our position in creation isn't as exalted as we'd like to think. We are IN creation, rather than ABOVE creation, for the most part, aren't we?

Yes, our "special relationship" with God is special. But we are still created beings and we also have a very practical and real "relationship" in so many ways with the rest of creation, to which we are intimately connected, and which we literally depend upon for our very breath and life. We are "animals" in that sense--and too often, in our behavior and attitudes and such, we have to admit that we act like "lower beasts" despite our potential "special relationship" with our Creator.

I guess maybe people are also nervous about getting "off the straight and narrow" and getting caught up in "New Age" or "metaphysics" or "paganism/ druidism/ animistic" beliefs held by those who try to be more closely connected to "Mother Earth." Maybe recognizing that all of creation praises God is seen as being on the edge of a slippery slope. But nonetheless, it is scriptural. And God clearly sees all His creation is "very good" and appreciates His connection to it and its connection to, and praise of Him, its Creator.

Which is more evil?

(First journaled Dec 15, 2015)
Dec 4, 2015

It sure makes me wonder. If we would feed and care for the poor in the first place, instead of going to war against them, and then sometimes offer to help "rebuild"--if we would demonstrate love instead of war and oppression--would it not have a much more positive outcome in the end? Whatever happened to the compassion and forgiveness You lived and modeled? Where does the true evil lay?

I'm thinking: In actions designed to build and maintain empires and greedy wealth and oppressive power structures, no wonder oppressed people rush to embrace (or in fear accept) religions that use and encourage war and oppression.

What is more evil? A religion (or at least a sub-group of that religion) that claims to strive for a worldwide theocratic kingdom by having the whole world converted to it, by using warfare when necessary ... or a religion (or at least a sub-group of that religion) that calls for peace through love and non-violence and self-sacrifice and a heavenly kingdom: but then glorifies "patriotic war" and also strives for world domination, using the same methods as "the enemy" (and calls down the very "enemy" whose actions it emulates to a large degree).

At least the former religion is doing what it believes in (whether or not we consider those beliefs to be evil), but the latter religion is being totally hypocritical, saying/believing one thing and doing the opposite. And people buy into it, hoping for their piece of the pie, of the "Capitalist-Christian dream," which more and more looks to me like a total nightmare!

Praying properly

(Originally journaled January 18, 2015)

I should be reading my Common Prayer book and my Bible. I wonder why that seems like such a big job? And I really, really, really should pray properly! I've been doing little "arrow prayers" when I think of it--or when I feel guilty about forgetting to pray, or when people ask me to pray. But I'm afraid those prayers--tiny and short, and with bad attitude too often--aren't very "acceptable"--not a fragrant and pleasing sacrifice, as the Bible puts it. I feel I'm letting people down. Not to mention letting myself down, regarding my relationship to You. And, of course, letting You down.

But all I can think of is those hours and hours and hours I used to pray for my children and the community and the churches and lots of individual people. And I do believe You're still working in my kids' lives for sure. But I'm realizing more and more how tangled and complicated our world is and how you're dealing with the needs of over 7 billion people (never mind the needs of the earth itself)--and I'm also realizing that people really do have a free will.

I guess I was hoping that my earnest prayers would lead to "miracles" like those ones we hear about (the English guy with the orphanages; revivals here and there with bars turned into churches--and giant veggies growing and stuff like that. But with all those prayers of mine it still didn't seem like I could see much of anything happen. Yet maybe that's the point: like Hebrews 11: faith--things not seen--but still hoped for, trusting in You.

The other thing is that I don't really know what to pray, because I'm more and more convinced that a lot of our "wishes" are awfully short-sighted. And what we beg You to do might not be best at all.  Only You can see the big picture.

Scripture says "the prayer of faith (along with elders anointing with oil) will heal the sick"--but all I can think of is King Hezekiah begging for healing because he didn't have an heir. And his request was granted, and then he had a son--and that son turned out to be one of the most wicked kings ever.

So all I want to pray is "Your will be done." (And no, it doesn't have to do with "lack of faith"--it's because I'm really becoming convinced that "my will" is so often destructive and short-sighted, blind even).

I could just pray "The Lord's Prayer," I guess. That pretty much covers everything. In the Anglican Church they pray the Lord's Prayer, and a couple other sort of "general" prayers--and then they have the "prayers of the people" and they just give names, not details--and that makes a lot of sense to me because, after all, You know all those people, and You know all their needs, and most of all, You know what's best for each of them, so your people are doing the right thing (I think) by praying those people's names to You--and leaving the path and results up to You. (Right? I think ...)

What's included in the Lord's Prayer? Honoring You. Your eternal purposes (you know best). Basic human needs. Relationship with you and others, and salvation. More of Your eternal purposes and relationship with You and others. So may your purposes, your love and righteousness prevail.

Yes, that pretty much covers it.

Terrified by disapproval

(Originally journaled on February 6, 2015)

I read this morning an article that said the best writing comes out of really emotional experiences. Maybe that is true, because since I went through my "Great Depression," I've been trying to live in this smooth unruffled way, not getting overly excited or upset, avoiding things that are scary for me. And I know I've lost my drive to write in the way I used to have it.

Approval. That's a big hurdle for me. I crave it.

And I'm terrified by disapproval. This morning I wrote a highly complimentary response to an article someone shared on FB--then removed my comment when I saw another article explaining why some people hate what the first article talks about. Good grief! Why am I so scared of ruffling people's feathers?

"This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine, let it shine, let it shine, let it shine."

But I don't. I hide it under a bushel till it flickers almost into nothingness.

Let it shine till Jesus comes? He's here and I'm still hiding it. When he comes physically will he deny me? Because I act--maybe I am--ashamed.

Don't let Satan blow it out. Well, I could blame him, but really--isn't it just me? Why, oh why, am I so afraid of disapproval?

All around the neighborhood ... I fail to let it shine. Only in "safe" spots where it will be approved, and even then, only shine minimally :-(

I really don't know when and where my fear of disapproval began. And I'm afraid of it from all sides. Afraid to be too "bad" ... afraid to be too "good" ... Afraid to stand up and speak out, live out what I really think. (Believe? If I really believed, would I be afraid?)

Why am I so afraid to rock the board? To be disapproved of? Lord?

"May our sitting down and our rising up contribute, Lord, to your kingdom's work."

Does mine? Maybe in some ways. "Quiet action" ways. But "speaking up"? No. More likely embarrassed back-peddling, even denial.

If only I didn't keep screwing up by trying to "keep the peace" and by "denying you."  Tears ...

"Lord, remind us that it is not always agitated uprisings and nonstop activity which leads to justice, but that change often comes through the quiet commitment of a small group of people. Help us raise our small body of people to set about quietly becoming the change we want to see in the world. Amen."

But maybe that is the key: "a small group of people."

I spend way too much time alone. I need others. Not just on Sunday morning church gathering and Tuesday morning street outreach and occasional other "events." We need to live our lives together.  Maybe there was a good reason for all the "church" we did back in the day.  Somehow, deep down inside, I miss it. I want to be part of a big family, an intentional community. I still want to be a grandma teacher-facilitator.

I need that! How? Father? Show me, please.

Psa 33:13 "The Lord looks down from heaven and beholds all the people in the world.... He fashions all the hearts of them and understands all their works."

Is that what you've been doing? Fashioning my heart? Do you "understand my works"?  Yes, I sense You do ... that this is a message from You ... that You see my heart. You know my fears, where they came from and all. You understand, and You are working in my heart. Thank You. That's a comfort. A great comfort. You still love me, don't You, Papa? Thank You. Amen.

"...Through Jesus Christ, we have become the children of peace."  Maybe all this "time-wasting" on Fb and internet hasn't been a total waste of time. Maybe you are softening my heart, driving me to long for true peace.

I know that my heart is truly in pain when I read or hear about all the horrible things that happen in our world--the war, the grabbing for power, the oppression, and cruelty. And I don't see any hope except through You!