July 5, 2009 (again) …
When I went into the “sanctuary,” B was happy to see me. He said he just had a feeling I would be there this morning, which was the reason he came, otherwise, he said, he probably wouldn’t have come! So that was confirmation that You led me to go this morning! I know he has been discouraged about this church and has been thinking about going to another church… And then in the service, K gave the announcements, and at the end she said she wanted to thank B for his faithfulness with the coffee bar!
I’ve heard that one or more of my kids doesn’t like to go to “that church” because “that church” hurt ME so much. I was surprised to hear that, and have kept thinking about it, because I couldn’t remember things that hurt “me” particularly, at least not recently… though I have felt hurt about how others have been hurt. But now I am thinking that 1. I was hurt (many times) but tried to forget it, and 2. I probably did a lot of hurting others, too, because when I was hurting, I talked a lot… and it was gossip… and poisonous! Even that discussion a couple weeks ago was in that category (sorry….)
Well, this morning in the “church service” when the singing started I still felt uncomfortable. I didn’t like the feeling that I HAD to stand up. I didn’t like the rows, I didn’t want to sing… I was looking around and grumbling to myself (J calls it “G-rumbling!” ), and then You told me to close my eyes, and when I did I started to focus on You, and found myself first humming, and then singing along, too (without really realizing it at first)…
In the “greeting” time, the pastor told everyone to say to each other, “I am glad you are here today,” and I felt awkward about that, too… but as more and more people said it to me (and I started to say it, too, instead of just replying, “Me, too”), I realized that I was glad to be there… and glad to see those people, too. (I think I have been scared to be glad to see them because then I might miss them and want to be part of Sunday church – and who knows what else… yikes… again!
The pastor preached about Naaman being healed. Two things stood out to me. First, he talked about the little Israelite maid/servant-girl who told Naaman’s wife about the prophet in Israel who could heal Naaman’s leprosy. And he said, what if your whole purpose in life was just one little seemingly insignificant thing, how would you feel about that? Would you be willing to do that one little thing, and for the rest of your life just live ordinary, day after day? … And I was thinking, “Oh no! It wasn’t so long ago that I really came to that point… of being willing to give up all my dreams and aspirations and recognition… and this very morning wanting to pray (and receive answers from) big, impossible, significant requests and dreams/visions….” Hmmmmm….
Anyway, the pastor also talked about how Naaman reacted with rage when Elisha didn’t even bother to come out and talk to Naaman, this great man, coming bearing great gifts; but instead just sent his servant to tell Naaman to go plunge in the Jordan 7 times… Anyway, then the pastor invited people who needed healing to come forward to be prayed for, and he said, “If you have something in your life, like a “root of bitterness” or whatever, that is coming between you and God, come forward to let it go, confess it, give it over to Him if you want to be healed.”
Papa, I didn’t feel I need physical healing, but I DID want to give up to You, and be cleansed from and healed from, my negative attitudes and hurts regarding this church… which I just really realized this morning at the prayer and service YOU told me to attend! Lord, I didn’t want to go up to “stand and be prayed for, and be anointed with oil” because… well, I wanted to kneel, not stand… and I was SCARED of giving people the idea that maybe I am “back to this church” … and then walking home I also realized (and felt hurt, and kind of angry at You about) that whenever (in my memory, at least) I’d go to the front of this church, in the past, mostly no one would pray with me, and it seems like almost none of those prayers were answered! (Why, Papa???)
Papa, I don’t want to go back and get tangled up in politics and programs and other paraphernalia! I DO want to be part of a “one-another” group (church! body! family!). But, oh Lord, I don’t want to get dragged down again/ more!
Father, I’m so tired….
(Oh, I DO want what YOU want re this church… and I DO want to let go those hurts of the past as well as my anger and attitude toward it… I really am sorry… And yes, I am willing to have one tiny insignificant purpose if that is what YOU want for me… perhaps it is really what I NEED, what YOU know is best for me!)
(later yet again!) Scripture reading for today: 1 Timothy 4:14 “Do not neglect the spiritual gift within you, which was bestowed on you through prophetic utterance with the laying on of hands by the presbytery.”
Papa, is this why I’m never sure what my spiritual gift(s) is, or even if I have one? Is this the “prescribed” way to receive spiritual gift(s)? (Because if it is, I want to be next in line!) (Please…)
Saturday, 7 November 2009
discouraged about writing and teaching... but longing to...
July 5, 2009
Sunday morning… woke up about 4:30 ish, wondering if Pastor P will be doing church in the park… or will take a break? Theoretically he is on holidays, but he did do it last Sunday when we were away, and only 4 people were at the “service.” Well, that was his “ordination” Sunday (in the afternoon)… I think he is now on his holiday break… but not sure. So I was asking, “Lord, what shall I do?” I really didn’t want to get up; my tummy felt sick just thinking of it. I wondered what I could bake “just in case” …. Cookies, bread for toast (my one-hour recipe), scones, muffins…. Not time enough for fried bread… and then I settled on lemon loaf, because if there isn’t church-in-the-park, hubby and son would like it for breakfast, and it would be good to have on hand for our company coming this week, or I could even take it to Ruth for their Sunday morning coffee bar. So I got up about 4:45, stirred up the batter and put it in the oven (working quietly, in the dawn light, so as not to wake my son, who is “on-call” for work this morning). Then I emptied the dishwasher, put away the clean dishes, and refilled the dishwasher with the dishes I should have washed before bedtime! Of course I can’t turn the noisy thing on till hubby gets home and son wakes up….
Oh yes, yesterday, when Pastor P came by, I mentioned how I really feel compelled to teach… I even admitted (confessed… shyly… even kind of embarrassedly…) that I believe I have a gift of teaching, but that after my “school teaching” experiences I’ve been avoiding the whole teaching thing because I just can’t go that route of “structured” teaching… and he surprised me (though I probably shouldn’t have been surprised…) by saying he is going to pray on it, that God will open an opportunity for me to teach. He said it thoughtfully, and said that I must use my gifting.
(Father, I’ve longed so much that my writing might be a blessing to people… but it has seemed that my many many hours of writing and typing and blogging and web-site-making and so on might just be a total waste, for it seems doubtful to me that almost anyone reads it. But at the same time, I again feel “compelled” …. Of course, I don’t know if people do read it or not (though sometimes in the past I know they have; and every now and again someone will actually post a comment… and the people at the writer’s group actually liked most of my writing…) but, Papa, I’ve been discouraged lately about writing, maybe that’s why I didn’t for the past week or so… besides which, maybe I needed that break and refreshment… And You know how I loved teaching/facilitating those ladies’ Bible study and prayer groups (and people really were blessed and grew, I think – didn’t they?) and I loved the teaching/ relationship aspects of school teaching – it was the administrivia and politics and grading and foolish parts of the curricula structure that drove me nuts… and I still dream (more and more… again… especially after listening to that guy from the intentional community, that Adie sent the link for) of life in an intentional community/ retreat center/ camp setting/ something!
Father, I like baking and visiting and stuff for people… but oh, Papa, Your Word BURNS in my heart and I want to SHARE YOU in word as well… both written and spoken. Yet at the same time I have become more quiet, slower to jump into conversations… more of a listener… and I think that has been of You, too… I really have needed to learn to LISTEN!!
(And I want to play my guitar and sing, too…)
(And yesterday, wading along the shore of the lake, I felt so lonely… hubby and son aren’t “into” the things I am, all that much – ummm, hardly at all, even – and I am lonely for community!) (Think I’ll “go to church” this morning….)
Sunday morning… woke up about 4:30 ish, wondering if Pastor P will be doing church in the park… or will take a break? Theoretically he is on holidays, but he did do it last Sunday when we were away, and only 4 people were at the “service.” Well, that was his “ordination” Sunday (in the afternoon)… I think he is now on his holiday break… but not sure. So I was asking, “Lord, what shall I do?” I really didn’t want to get up; my tummy felt sick just thinking of it. I wondered what I could bake “just in case” …. Cookies, bread for toast (my one-hour recipe), scones, muffins…. Not time enough for fried bread… and then I settled on lemon loaf, because if there isn’t church-in-the-park, hubby and son would like it for breakfast, and it would be good to have on hand for our company coming this week, or I could even take it to Ruth for their Sunday morning coffee bar. So I got up about 4:45, stirred up the batter and put it in the oven (working quietly, in the dawn light, so as not to wake my son, who is “on-call” for work this morning). Then I emptied the dishwasher, put away the clean dishes, and refilled the dishwasher with the dishes I should have washed before bedtime! Of course I can’t turn the noisy thing on till hubby gets home and son wakes up….
Oh yes, yesterday, when Pastor P came by, I mentioned how I really feel compelled to teach… I even admitted (confessed… shyly… even kind of embarrassedly…) that I believe I have a gift of teaching, but that after my “school teaching” experiences I’ve been avoiding the whole teaching thing because I just can’t go that route of “structured” teaching… and he surprised me (though I probably shouldn’t have been surprised…) by saying he is going to pray on it, that God will open an opportunity for me to teach. He said it thoughtfully, and said that I must use my gifting.
(Father, I’ve longed so much that my writing might be a blessing to people… but it has seemed that my many many hours of writing and typing and blogging and web-site-making and so on might just be a total waste, for it seems doubtful to me that almost anyone reads it. But at the same time, I again feel “compelled” …. Of course, I don’t know if people do read it or not (though sometimes in the past I know they have; and every now and again someone will actually post a comment… and the people at the writer’s group actually liked most of my writing…) but, Papa, I’ve been discouraged lately about writing, maybe that’s why I didn’t for the past week or so… besides which, maybe I needed that break and refreshment… And You know how I loved teaching/facilitating those ladies’ Bible study and prayer groups (and people really were blessed and grew, I think – didn’t they?) and I loved the teaching/ relationship aspects of school teaching – it was the administrivia and politics and grading and foolish parts of the curricula structure that drove me nuts… and I still dream (more and more… again… especially after listening to that guy from the intentional community, that Adie sent the link for) of life in an intentional community/ retreat center/ camp setting/ something!
Father, I like baking and visiting and stuff for people… but oh, Papa, Your Word BURNS in my heart and I want to SHARE YOU in word as well… both written and spoken. Yet at the same time I have become more quiet, slower to jump into conversations… more of a listener… and I think that has been of You, too… I really have needed to learn to LISTEN!!
(And I want to play my guitar and sing, too…)
(And yesterday, wading along the shore of the lake, I felt so lonely… hubby and son aren’t “into” the things I am, all that much – ummm, hardly at all, even – and I am lonely for community!) (Think I’ll “go to church” this morning….)
more non-PC questions about this whole street ministry thing
June 24, 2009
Okay, so I have more wondering (dare I say doubts?) about this whole street ministry thing. Warning: these are probably NOT PC questions….
By providing soupaterias, morning coffee and muffins, breakfast in the park, etc… are we really “giving a drink of cold water in Jesus’ name” or are we simply encouraging and sustaining a dependent, drug-additive lifestyle? Are we being helpful or are we alternatively being co-dependent? What about the saying to the effect, “Give a man a fish and he’ll be hungry again tomorrow; teach him to fish and he’ll be able to feed himself forever”?
Would it be better to just focus on those who really “seem” to want to live “better” (more healthy, productive… I don’t know… “normal” llives)? If so, how does one determine who those people might be? Maybe, after all, it is the simple, practical, everyday caring (especially with taking time in all that to sit down and listen and become friends, building real, on-going, consistent, trust-building, practical loving and caring relationships – not just the “across the desk interview” type that is generally true of institutional/ organizational relationships) that in the end, gives people the personal choice (and even desire) to change their lives – or more precisely, to accept Jesus and allow Him to change their lives… because if a person doesn’t personally desire and choose change, it isn’t likely to be long term, no matter how professional and well-funded and well-meaning the “change providers” might be… right?
I think the thing I see in what Pastor P is doing, in that he is very simply, day after day, year in and year out, with no expectation of personal “profit” or of any kind of “checklist of behavioral changes” or anything, other than a deep desire for everyone he meets to encounter the Jesus who loves them and whose love he himself has experienced in a totally life changing way, actually “living Jesus” – love walking, as he calls it – before people, and in that, letting them see that Jesus is real and worth knowing following and being in relationship with!
Pastor P himself, of course, probably wouldn’t fit a lot of peoples’ checklists: he still has long hair and tattoos and wears sweat pants and muscle shirts and looks more like – ha! a trailer park guy maybe! – and he doesn’t “work a normal job” although he certainly could if he wanted too; he has the training and experience, for sure… and he has his own family problems (which some folks would probably say he should focus on more instead of spending time helping this “street family” with their problems (although many “normal” men “work full time jobs” and still don’t focus much on their families…
Checklist type people, I suppose, just wouldn’t see helping out a bunch of “drunks and druggies and transients and bums and mental-health-issues-people” to be a legitimate full-time job… unless of course it was a paid position, in a recognized “professional ministry” or government organization or whatever… because apparently just being “called by God” and walking day by day up and down the streets with Him, without any formal support, formal training, formal job description, formal organizational backing – any formal man-designed and maintained and ordered framework, foundation, etc., is simply not acceptable nor potentially “successful,” in checklist, goal-setting, accountability-type terms!) Well, see, Pastor P wouldn’t fit a lot of peoples’ checklists… but he does, on second thought, look an awful lot like the Jesus we see in the gospel stories.
I suppose this all – this “living like Jesus” – is admirable in a way… but then the question arises, is it practical? What about the effect on his family (living very close to the “economic edge” financially (indeed, over the edge, according to any respectable “accounting”), supposed “embarrassment” for the children over how their dad looks and who he hangs out with (only they don’t look embarrassed to me…), his wife having to work full-time to support the family (even if it by her own choice), not being a “productive, dependable, committed” part of a specific “church” (besides the very real one “in the park”!), not having formal training and certified credentials… not to mention the simple fact that he doesn’t carry around a “success checklist!”
Sure, over the years, quite a lot of people have come into relationship with Jesus… and have gotten clean from their addictions, and some have even gotten “real” jobs and homes (simple ones, mostly, though, that allow them to stand alongside and work together with Jesus and with Pastor P…)… but what about the others who still are struggling out there on the streets, still struggling with addictions, still not “working”? (Well, of course, indeed, what about all those formal government-sponsored and church-organization-sponsored “treatment programs” that themselves only boast a 3 percent or so “success rate”??)
(Does this mean that maybe our “focus” is all wrong? Maybe instead of focusing on the already-down-and-outs, we should be focusing on keeping the “already-healthy” continuing to be healthy – and of course, ideally, providing the environment and resources and so on, to encourage the up-and-coming generations to choose to follow the “already-healthy lifestyle” … you know, with Sunday Schools and youth groups and sports programs and good Christian and/or good public schools, for the children and youth, and nice, busy, encouraging programs for adults… Then our society will surely be a nice (Christianly…) society, and the addictions and street people problems and crime and stuff will just die out, and things will be once again like in the “good old days when this was a Christian nation.” Right… sure… which good old days were those again? Has there ever been a time without poverty and exploitation and messed-up-lives? (And how many truly happy and “normal” and holistically healthy, rich, successful people have you ever know?) (Okay, yes, I’m going here beyond un-PC to tongue-in-cheek-irony-type questions….!)
But Jesus Himself hung out – lived – with the poor and dispossessed and generally the pariahs of society: traitorous tax-collectors and low-level-laborer types were among His closest friends and “inner-ministry-circle,” and He didn’t “work a normal job,” and the women who followed Him around and helped (and yes, also supported Him financially in some cases) included prostitutes and other disreputables (as well as a few “upper-class” women, go figure!).
In fact, one woman brought a whole city to Jesus – and she’d been married 5 times and presently was “shacking up” with some guy, and was so looked down upon that she had to go get water from the well – a “community” kind of activity – by herself because the other women didn’t want to be with her. Yep – Jesus’ friends and followers were low-caste sinners for the most part. He and His close followers lived a lot of their lives “in the streets.” They didn’t habitually wash their hands properly before eating. They picked and ate grain and stuff from the fields as they passed by. When they went out to “minister,” they only had one outfit – no change of clothes, and no wallet with money for restaurants and hotel rooms. And they bunked in with whoever would take them in and give them a meal… and so on and so forth… They even went to wedding parties where not only did wine flow freely, but Jesus Himself provided extra wine: gallons and gallons of it!
(And don’t give me some weak excuse about how a lot of that was “cultural” and somehow “normal” in its “historical setting.” If it was, why would the wealthy, “righteous,” clean-living, good-guy, “normal” citizenry (scribes and Pharisees and such) have been so horrified and scornful (and feeling threatened, as the “unwashed masses” joyfully followed this low-caste, uneducated, upstart, self-styled teacher… who instead of trying to turn the masses into nice citizens who met the check-list requirements, was just feeding them and healing them – not to mention eating with them and even drinking with them – right there where they were!)
Oh! And bringing them the good news of a God who loves them and who has provided the way – the only real way – to be freed from the slavery to that which at the root of all misery: sin! “God so loved the world” – that’s what people are longing for above all else: that true, perfect love. “Not as the world gives,” either! But the one real love relationship that lasts forever and is 100% dependable. Of course, even with Jesus, a lot of folks ate the fish and loaves, and followed Him around, and received healing, and witnessed “signs and miracles” … and then rejected Him in the end because they wanted “here and now” earthly solutions (like the conquering king who would smash the Romans… or even the nice guy who would continue to provide free meals…). But for those few (and they were few, a tiny minority, really) who genuinely accepted Jesus’ love and His message, not only were their lives changed (and not so that they looked like the “normal” nice-guy, righteous-living, Pharisee types), but they “turned the world upside down!” Even the Pharisees, amazed at watching the disciples after Jesus ascended and sent the Holy Spirit, had to grudgingly concede the amazing lives of those uneducated, low-class followers, and note “that they had been with Jesus.”
So, I don’t know all the answers to all those questions. But I do know – take note! – that for at least a few people out there on the street, they have encountered the love of Jesus and accepted it, because they have seen it lived, walked out, consistently and long term, in the lives of Pastor P and others who, without judgment and checklists, have loved them, fed the hungry, clothed the cold, visited those who’ve been in and out of prison, listened to their stories, comforted them… and introduced them to Jesus!
Well, then, that’s answer enough for me.
(Time to read Your word – thank You for speaking to me already by Your Spirit… Oh Lord… let this be Your day, Your way, I pray. In Jesus’ name, for His (Your!) sake. Amen! Thank You! (Sorry for all my doubts and questionings and wonderings….)
Okay, so I have more wondering (dare I say doubts?) about this whole street ministry thing. Warning: these are probably NOT PC questions….
By providing soupaterias, morning coffee and muffins, breakfast in the park, etc… are we really “giving a drink of cold water in Jesus’ name” or are we simply encouraging and sustaining a dependent, drug-additive lifestyle? Are we being helpful or are we alternatively being co-dependent? What about the saying to the effect, “Give a man a fish and he’ll be hungry again tomorrow; teach him to fish and he’ll be able to feed himself forever”?
Would it be better to just focus on those who really “seem” to want to live “better” (more healthy, productive… I don’t know… “normal” llives)? If so, how does one determine who those people might be? Maybe, after all, it is the simple, practical, everyday caring (especially with taking time in all that to sit down and listen and become friends, building real, on-going, consistent, trust-building, practical loving and caring relationships – not just the “across the desk interview” type that is generally true of institutional/ organizational relationships) that in the end, gives people the personal choice (and even desire) to change their lives – or more precisely, to accept Jesus and allow Him to change their lives… because if a person doesn’t personally desire and choose change, it isn’t likely to be long term, no matter how professional and well-funded and well-meaning the “change providers” might be… right?
I think the thing I see in what Pastor P is doing, in that he is very simply, day after day, year in and year out, with no expectation of personal “profit” or of any kind of “checklist of behavioral changes” or anything, other than a deep desire for everyone he meets to encounter the Jesus who loves them and whose love he himself has experienced in a totally life changing way, actually “living Jesus” – love walking, as he calls it – before people, and in that, letting them see that Jesus is real and worth knowing following and being in relationship with!
Pastor P himself, of course, probably wouldn’t fit a lot of peoples’ checklists: he still has long hair and tattoos and wears sweat pants and muscle shirts and looks more like – ha! a trailer park guy maybe! – and he doesn’t “work a normal job” although he certainly could if he wanted too; he has the training and experience, for sure… and he has his own family problems (which some folks would probably say he should focus on more instead of spending time helping this “street family” with their problems (although many “normal” men “work full time jobs” and still don’t focus much on their families…
Checklist type people, I suppose, just wouldn’t see helping out a bunch of “drunks and druggies and transients and bums and mental-health-issues-people” to be a legitimate full-time job… unless of course it was a paid position, in a recognized “professional ministry” or government organization or whatever… because apparently just being “called by God” and walking day by day up and down the streets with Him, without any formal support, formal training, formal job description, formal organizational backing – any formal man-designed and maintained and ordered framework, foundation, etc., is simply not acceptable nor potentially “successful,” in checklist, goal-setting, accountability-type terms!) Well, see, Pastor P wouldn’t fit a lot of peoples’ checklists… but he does, on second thought, look an awful lot like the Jesus we see in the gospel stories.
I suppose this all – this “living like Jesus” – is admirable in a way… but then the question arises, is it practical? What about the effect on his family (living very close to the “economic edge” financially (indeed, over the edge, according to any respectable “accounting”), supposed “embarrassment” for the children over how their dad looks and who he hangs out with (only they don’t look embarrassed to me…), his wife having to work full-time to support the family (even if it by her own choice), not being a “productive, dependable, committed” part of a specific “church” (besides the very real one “in the park”!), not having formal training and certified credentials… not to mention the simple fact that he doesn’t carry around a “success checklist!”
Sure, over the years, quite a lot of people have come into relationship with Jesus… and have gotten clean from their addictions, and some have even gotten “real” jobs and homes (simple ones, mostly, though, that allow them to stand alongside and work together with Jesus and with Pastor P…)… but what about the others who still are struggling out there on the streets, still struggling with addictions, still not “working”? (Well, of course, indeed, what about all those formal government-sponsored and church-organization-sponsored “treatment programs” that themselves only boast a 3 percent or so “success rate”??)
(Does this mean that maybe our “focus” is all wrong? Maybe instead of focusing on the already-down-and-outs, we should be focusing on keeping the “already-healthy” continuing to be healthy – and of course, ideally, providing the environment and resources and so on, to encourage the up-and-coming generations to choose to follow the “already-healthy lifestyle” … you know, with Sunday Schools and youth groups and sports programs and good Christian and/or good public schools, for the children and youth, and nice, busy, encouraging programs for adults… Then our society will surely be a nice (Christianly…) society, and the addictions and street people problems and crime and stuff will just die out, and things will be once again like in the “good old days when this was a Christian nation.” Right… sure… which good old days were those again? Has there ever been a time without poverty and exploitation and messed-up-lives? (And how many truly happy and “normal” and holistically healthy, rich, successful people have you ever know?) (Okay, yes, I’m going here beyond un-PC to tongue-in-cheek-irony-type questions….!)
But Jesus Himself hung out – lived – with the poor and dispossessed and generally the pariahs of society: traitorous tax-collectors and low-level-laborer types were among His closest friends and “inner-ministry-circle,” and He didn’t “work a normal job,” and the women who followed Him around and helped (and yes, also supported Him financially in some cases) included prostitutes and other disreputables (as well as a few “upper-class” women, go figure!).
In fact, one woman brought a whole city to Jesus – and she’d been married 5 times and presently was “shacking up” with some guy, and was so looked down upon that she had to go get water from the well – a “community” kind of activity – by herself because the other women didn’t want to be with her. Yep – Jesus’ friends and followers were low-caste sinners for the most part. He and His close followers lived a lot of their lives “in the streets.” They didn’t habitually wash their hands properly before eating. They picked and ate grain and stuff from the fields as they passed by. When they went out to “minister,” they only had one outfit – no change of clothes, and no wallet with money for restaurants and hotel rooms. And they bunked in with whoever would take them in and give them a meal… and so on and so forth… They even went to wedding parties where not only did wine flow freely, but Jesus Himself provided extra wine: gallons and gallons of it!
(And don’t give me some weak excuse about how a lot of that was “cultural” and somehow “normal” in its “historical setting.” If it was, why would the wealthy, “righteous,” clean-living, good-guy, “normal” citizenry (scribes and Pharisees and such) have been so horrified and scornful (and feeling threatened, as the “unwashed masses” joyfully followed this low-caste, uneducated, upstart, self-styled teacher… who instead of trying to turn the masses into nice citizens who met the check-list requirements, was just feeding them and healing them – not to mention eating with them and even drinking with them – right there where they were!)
Oh! And bringing them the good news of a God who loves them and who has provided the way – the only real way – to be freed from the slavery to that which at the root of all misery: sin! “God so loved the world” – that’s what people are longing for above all else: that true, perfect love. “Not as the world gives,” either! But the one real love relationship that lasts forever and is 100% dependable. Of course, even with Jesus, a lot of folks ate the fish and loaves, and followed Him around, and received healing, and witnessed “signs and miracles” … and then rejected Him in the end because they wanted “here and now” earthly solutions (like the conquering king who would smash the Romans… or even the nice guy who would continue to provide free meals…). But for those few (and they were few, a tiny minority, really) who genuinely accepted Jesus’ love and His message, not only were their lives changed (and not so that they looked like the “normal” nice-guy, righteous-living, Pharisee types), but they “turned the world upside down!” Even the Pharisees, amazed at watching the disciples after Jesus ascended and sent the Holy Spirit, had to grudgingly concede the amazing lives of those uneducated, low-class followers, and note “that they had been with Jesus.”
So, I don’t know all the answers to all those questions. But I do know – take note! – that for at least a few people out there on the street, they have encountered the love of Jesus and accepted it, because they have seen it lived, walked out, consistently and long term, in the lives of Pastor P and others who, without judgment and checklists, have loved them, fed the hungry, clothed the cold, visited those who’ve been in and out of prison, listened to their stories, comforted them… and introduced them to Jesus!
Well, then, that’s answer enough for me.
(Time to read Your word – thank You for speaking to me already by Your Spirit… Oh Lord… let this be Your day, Your way, I pray. In Jesus’ name, for His (Your!) sake. Amen! Thank You! (Sorry for all my doubts and questionings and wonderings….)
how can people love God and still do those things?
June 23, 2009
Woke up a few minutes ago and seriously thought of going back to sleep awhile longer, simply because I was feeling so warm and cozy! But then thought, no, I need my quiet time with You… maybe You have something special to say to me for today from Your word… and I can always have a mid-day nap later – I like those! And then I remembered that my next chapter in my epistle-reading is Hebrews 11 to 13, and that made me excited!
And then I remembered I still have the T to Z songs that I need to find chords for – and instantly felt joyful toward You for the chance to get those chords and play and sing those songs (You do have something in mind, I’m sure of it! I’ve been so long in a dry “wilderness” place when it comes to music-style praise and worship… and maybe just praise and worship – and prayer! – generally...) (mostly – there have been some amazing moments – and there has been some real learning of new ways to praise… worship… pray… and especially noticing amazing things I haven’t before, about Your beautiful world, and Your amazing children, and Your even more amazing love for them, and me!, no matter what! Wow!... and Your church, Your body, Your family, Your people, Your sheep (and folds!), Your beloved bride!). Well, anyway, I’m loving strumming my guitar… and I’ve even found on-line lists of songs (with chords) of all kinds, so I’m going to look and see if I’m missing any! And lots of on-line guitar teaching lessons too! Yay!
Oh, Papa… I have a little question… feeling like maybe it’s rude (or at least “intolerant” or “not PC!”) but may I ask You anyway? Please? Listen, I was walking around yesterday, and as usual, there were a bunch of street people just hanging out at the far corner of the park by the mouth of the creek… which, undoubtably, is a nice place to hang out… but Papa (and I’ve wondered this over and over through the years), how can people just “hang out”… I mean, it’s nice and relaxing and friendly now and then, but day in, day out, week in, week out… yes, even year in, year out?!?!? They seem to wake up about 6 or 7, get a coffee if they can, go hang out near the liquor store till it opens at 9 am, find a spot to sit and sip till 11:30 or so when it’s time to go to the soupateria; then find a comfortable spot (like in the park at the mouth of the creek) and sit there for the rest of the day, finishing their bottles until most of them are pretty much dozed-out-drunk (which, I suppose, is why Pastor P visits with them early morning… and me, too… you can actually have a good conversation etc, but later I find conversations increasingly inane and non-conversational, composed a lot of crass joking and crass laughter…
I am not comfortable (or even feeling safe, depending on who is there) going over and visiting them in the afternoon… Is that evil or prejudiced or whatever, of me? Or maybe just reality and common sense? Papa? Maybe I should ask Pastor P about it? …. Anyway, somewhere between 4 and 7 or 8 pm most of them just wander off and disappear for the night… (it really surprises me the difference in people when they are sober in the morning – and are lively, interesting, thoughtful – even Jesus-loving! people… and then they get the alcohol (and/or drugs… alcohol, generally cheap wine/sherry, seems to be the “drug of choice” among the “regulars” on the streets… there are younger ones who do drugs, but I think most of them don’t last too long… so sad all round…)
(It confuses me, Papa, how people can know and love You – apparently – yet remain in such bondage to the chains of the enemy in the forms of alcohol and drugs and the street life … there of course are some “success stories” for sure… but not so many??? But isn’t that true in the world generally – including among those whose lives look good… and even among those “in the churches” (with just as high or higher divorce rates, gossip, judging, not looking after one another, etc, as those “in the world”…)
Oh, Papa… the question I had (if I haven’t yet come right out and asked it – I think maybe I haven’t) – is, how can people sit around and basically “do nothing” day after day after day?!?! (Okay, that’s my question!) What kind of life is that?!?! And to be always “bumming” off others? And spending all their cash on booze etc? And deserting their real families for the “street family?” (Well, not everyone has a great “real family” to desert, of course…) (A lot of them really are family… really do take care of each other out there…) Is that why “churches” have tended to ignore them pretty much – because they “seem so lazy” and don’t seem to be interested in changing? (I was going to add, “or interested in giving back in some way”… but what I have experienced is that they do like to give back – even yesterday when I was handing out coffee, those young folks were eager to share their jar of jam with me… or to give me one of their collection of hood ornaments (guess, regarding those hood ornaments, that that’s one of those occasions when it’s best to accept graciously and not ask too many questions… like Paul talking about when people in his day offered to share their meat with you… which might well have been offered to idols…)
Well, it’s already 6:50 Papa! I’m going to finish Hebrews, then make hubby breakfast, and then off to coffee time! (Did I mention that the church is going to continue with it on their own? Cool!)
Hebrews 11:6 And without faith it is impossible to please [God] for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him.
(thank You, Papa, that’s a big answer to my question, right there!!!).
…..
Went to Tuesday coffee time after breakfast (took chocolate chip cookies). Few people, but enjoyable nonetheless. We started spouting off silly old autograph book rhymes… and then knock-knock jokes! Pastor P talked to me privately for awhile about his situation – and I offered for him to stay at our house while we’re away, so he phoned me a few minutes to take me up on it; he’ll come by tomorrow.
After coffee, GJ wanted me to walk with him downtown to where he had left his buggy. He says he’d like to get a rickshaw and give people rides who need it (like seniors)! Anyway, he gave me a potpourri thing that he made… and I gave him a couple cotton bags as he was saying carrying plastic bags dries his hands out. “Good trade!”
Woke up a few minutes ago and seriously thought of going back to sleep awhile longer, simply because I was feeling so warm and cozy! But then thought, no, I need my quiet time with You… maybe You have something special to say to me for today from Your word… and I can always have a mid-day nap later – I like those! And then I remembered that my next chapter in my epistle-reading is Hebrews 11 to 13, and that made me excited!
And then I remembered I still have the T to Z songs that I need to find chords for – and instantly felt joyful toward You for the chance to get those chords and play and sing those songs (You do have something in mind, I’m sure of it! I’ve been so long in a dry “wilderness” place when it comes to music-style praise and worship… and maybe just praise and worship – and prayer! – generally...) (mostly – there have been some amazing moments – and there has been some real learning of new ways to praise… worship… pray… and especially noticing amazing things I haven’t before, about Your beautiful world, and Your amazing children, and Your even more amazing love for them, and me!, no matter what! Wow!... and Your church, Your body, Your family, Your people, Your sheep (and folds!), Your beloved bride!). Well, anyway, I’m loving strumming my guitar… and I’ve even found on-line lists of songs (with chords) of all kinds, so I’m going to look and see if I’m missing any! And lots of on-line guitar teaching lessons too! Yay!
Oh, Papa… I have a little question… feeling like maybe it’s rude (or at least “intolerant” or “not PC!”) but may I ask You anyway? Please? Listen, I was walking around yesterday, and as usual, there were a bunch of street people just hanging out at the far corner of the park by the mouth of the creek… which, undoubtably, is a nice place to hang out… but Papa (and I’ve wondered this over and over through the years), how can people just “hang out”… I mean, it’s nice and relaxing and friendly now and then, but day in, day out, week in, week out… yes, even year in, year out?!?!? They seem to wake up about 6 or 7, get a coffee if they can, go hang out near the liquor store till it opens at 9 am, find a spot to sit and sip till 11:30 or so when it’s time to go to the soupateria; then find a comfortable spot (like in the park at the mouth of the creek) and sit there for the rest of the day, finishing their bottles until most of them are pretty much dozed-out-drunk (which, I suppose, is why Pastor P visits with them early morning… and me, too… you can actually have a good conversation etc, but later I find conversations increasingly inane and non-conversational, composed a lot of crass joking and crass laughter…
I am not comfortable (or even feeling safe, depending on who is there) going over and visiting them in the afternoon… Is that evil or prejudiced or whatever, of me? Or maybe just reality and common sense? Papa? Maybe I should ask Pastor P about it? …. Anyway, somewhere between 4 and 7 or 8 pm most of them just wander off and disappear for the night… (it really surprises me the difference in people when they are sober in the morning – and are lively, interesting, thoughtful – even Jesus-loving! people… and then they get the alcohol (and/or drugs… alcohol, generally cheap wine/sherry, seems to be the “drug of choice” among the “regulars” on the streets… there are younger ones who do drugs, but I think most of them don’t last too long… so sad all round…)
(It confuses me, Papa, how people can know and love You – apparently – yet remain in such bondage to the chains of the enemy in the forms of alcohol and drugs and the street life … there of course are some “success stories” for sure… but not so many??? But isn’t that true in the world generally – including among those whose lives look good… and even among those “in the churches” (with just as high or higher divorce rates, gossip, judging, not looking after one another, etc, as those “in the world”…)
Oh, Papa… the question I had (if I haven’t yet come right out and asked it – I think maybe I haven’t) – is, how can people sit around and basically “do nothing” day after day after day?!?! (Okay, that’s my question!) What kind of life is that?!?! And to be always “bumming” off others? And spending all their cash on booze etc? And deserting their real families for the “street family?” (Well, not everyone has a great “real family” to desert, of course…) (A lot of them really are family… really do take care of each other out there…) Is that why “churches” have tended to ignore them pretty much – because they “seem so lazy” and don’t seem to be interested in changing? (I was going to add, “or interested in giving back in some way”… but what I have experienced is that they do like to give back – even yesterday when I was handing out coffee, those young folks were eager to share their jar of jam with me… or to give me one of their collection of hood ornaments (guess, regarding those hood ornaments, that that’s one of those occasions when it’s best to accept graciously and not ask too many questions… like Paul talking about when people in his day offered to share their meat with you… which might well have been offered to idols…)
Well, it’s already 6:50 Papa! I’m going to finish Hebrews, then make hubby breakfast, and then off to coffee time! (Did I mention that the church is going to continue with it on their own? Cool!)
Hebrews 11:6 And without faith it is impossible to please [God] for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him.
(thank You, Papa, that’s a big answer to my question, right there!!!).
…..
Went to Tuesday coffee time after breakfast (took chocolate chip cookies). Few people, but enjoyable nonetheless. We started spouting off silly old autograph book rhymes… and then knock-knock jokes! Pastor P talked to me privately for awhile about his situation – and I offered for him to stay at our house while we’re away, so he phoned me a few minutes to take me up on it; he’ll come by tomorrow.
After coffee, GJ wanted me to walk with him downtown to where he had left his buggy. He says he’d like to get a rickshaw and give people rides who need it (like seniors)! Anyway, he gave me a potpourri thing that he made… and I gave him a couple cotton bags as he was saying carrying plastic bags dries his hands out. “Good trade!”
sharing coffee in the rain
June 22, 2009
This morning after breakfast, I made a carafe of coffee and took it, along with sugar and creamer and leftover biscuits and johnny cake, out in the drizzle, asking Papa to show me who to share it with. None of the “regulars” were in the regular spots, and I am nervous about people (especially men) that I don’t know at all. I went by the band-shell at the Park where street people often go to sleep dry when it rains, but I only saw people I didn’t know, so I walked on around the park/beach from the Peach to the other side of the Inn, then came back to the band-shell and saw GJ there with some young folks from somewhere, just getting up and packing their stuff – and they were all happy to have hot coffee, and some had biscuits too.
One of them asked me if I am a nurse or just “doing it from grace” (he said some places they’ve been, nurses come out and bring coffee!). I said, “Grace, I guess…because of the grace of Jesus.” (Thank You, Papa, for giving me boldness… and the opening of the young man’s question). I also told them about morning coffee on Tuesdays and Thursdays. GJ said something about getting preached at about Jesus, there … I couldn’t tell if he was just adding to the conversation, or if he was maybe upset by something he’d encountered at coffee time before? He speaks freely and cheerfully about Jesus out on the street… but I know one or two others have felt “preached at” at coffee time, and I’ve even wondered if that’s why ___ and ___ stopped coming; if they were “pushed” or something… maybe not, though; I don’t know)… Oh! The young folks wanted to give me something in return… they offered me some jam they had, to put on the biscuits, or told me I could choose from some hood ornaments they had a little pile of! I have noticed this about most street people; if you treat them kindly, they generally want to respond in kind! Often more so than “regular folks,” who really have far more to respond with…
(Father, I just keep coming, all over Your word, to references about caring for the poor and strangers and aliens (foreigners…)… and I know that often the references are to “those among you” or “in the church” or “of the brethren”… but not all of them, I don’t think… and anyway, we often don’t even go that far…)
(Papa? I only want to do what YOU want!)
(You love everyone… You died for “whosoever believes” didn’t You, Jesus? It’s not Your will that any should perish but that all should come to repentance, right?)
This morning after breakfast, I made a carafe of coffee and took it, along with sugar and creamer and leftover biscuits and johnny cake, out in the drizzle, asking Papa to show me who to share it with. None of the “regulars” were in the regular spots, and I am nervous about people (especially men) that I don’t know at all. I went by the band-shell at the Park where street people often go to sleep dry when it rains, but I only saw people I didn’t know, so I walked on around the park/beach from the Peach to the other side of the Inn, then came back to the band-shell and saw GJ there with some young folks from somewhere, just getting up and packing their stuff – and they were all happy to have hot coffee, and some had biscuits too.
One of them asked me if I am a nurse or just “doing it from grace” (he said some places they’ve been, nurses come out and bring coffee!). I said, “Grace, I guess…because of the grace of Jesus.” (Thank You, Papa, for giving me boldness… and the opening of the young man’s question). I also told them about morning coffee on Tuesdays and Thursdays. GJ said something about getting preached at about Jesus, there … I couldn’t tell if he was just adding to the conversation, or if he was maybe upset by something he’d encountered at coffee time before? He speaks freely and cheerfully about Jesus out on the street… but I know one or two others have felt “preached at” at coffee time, and I’ve even wondered if that’s why ___ and ___ stopped coming; if they were “pushed” or something… maybe not, though; I don’t know)… Oh! The young folks wanted to give me something in return… they offered me some jam they had, to put on the biscuits, or told me I could choose from some hood ornaments they had a little pile of! I have noticed this about most street people; if you treat them kindly, they generally want to respond in kind! Often more so than “regular folks,” who really have far more to respond with…
(Father, I just keep coming, all over Your word, to references about caring for the poor and strangers and aliens (foreigners…)… and I know that often the references are to “those among you” or “in the church” or “of the brethren”… but not all of them, I don’t think… and anyway, we often don’t even go that far…)
(Papa? I only want to do what YOU want!)
(You love everyone… You died for “whosoever believes” didn’t You, Jesus? It’s not Your will that any should perish but that all should come to repentance, right?)
letting You take care of pastor P
June 21, 2009
Well, not so many people turned up this morning… mostly a First Nations group. Pastor P brought hot dogs, coffee, juice, and oranges; someone else brought a box of Timbits – and I brought my baked goodies, plus some sliced oranges. I did do the “black forest anniversary cake” for ___ and ___ - they were happy! Brought home lots of leftovers today – Papa, please give me people to share them with. Thank You!
It was gray but quite warm when I got to church-in-the-park about 6:20 am or so… but after awhile a cold wind came up, and finally a light rain-shower… well, the hot dogs were pretty much done by then, so we packed up. Just as we finished packing up, of course the rain stopped and the sun came out and started shining warmly. But I think it was Your plan for Pastor P. Oh Lord, You know his troubles… and You know he needed time alone with You, and time to sort some things out…. Father, I just pray for Your love and mercy and care in his whole situation. I have really had this whole “taking people in” thing on my heart… and have been wondering – even asking You, I think – about what to do about our place while we’re away, so I drew a map and put our phone number on it for Pastor P, and told him if he needs a place to stay, till his troubles are sorted out, we have space and he’d be welcome. He said if it was up to him, he’d say no because his pride was kicking up, but he said if You tell him, he will do it! So Father, it really is up to You, however You want it to be.
So ___ was saying this morning how sweet my grandson is, and then we were talking about rain and eating outside – and I felt led to tell her about my daughter’s rain prayers, and how miraculously You answered them. And at least one of the other people, maybe two (or more? Who knows? You do!) were listening in with interest! Dear Jesus, please use this simple testimony to Your honor and glory and grace. Thank You!
After all, I did pray that it wouldn’t rain on our church-in-the-park location this morning till it was “finished” … and the rain did come just as the hot dogs were pretty much used up… it was earlier than I expected, and we didn’t do the “service” part … but I believe that was You saying, “Okay, you are finished for today so Pastor P can go and look after his situation”… and as soon as we packed up, the beautiful sun came out! Heavenly sunshine! Oh Father, let it be a sign to him of Your love and care and mercy.
Thank You, too, for all the believers who turned up this morning, more than usual, I think, who he was able to confide in, and everyone took turns praying with him. So Father, You know best what he needs… please work in this situation (difficult to us, but all in Your purposes and under Your love and control) to Your honor and glory. Amen! Thank You, Lord! Amen!
Psalm 67: 1 God be gracious to us and bless us, and cause His face to shine upon us – 2. That Your way may be known on the earth, Your salvation among all nations. 3. Let the peoples praise You, O God; …. 4…. For You will judge the peoples with uprightness and guide the nations on the earth… 6…. God, our God, blesses us 7. … that all the ends of the earth may fear Him.
When we ask God for His blessing and care… the outcome, motive, answers, guidance… must always be that His way be known, that the people fear Him, that He be the guide and judge of all!!
Jeremiah 2:11 … But My people have changed their glory for that which does not profit. 12. Be appalled, O heavens, at this… 13. For My people have committed two evils: They have forsaken Me, the fountain of living waters, to hew for themselves cisterns, broken cisterns, that can hold no water.
Well, not so many people turned up this morning… mostly a First Nations group. Pastor P brought hot dogs, coffee, juice, and oranges; someone else brought a box of Timbits – and I brought my baked goodies, plus some sliced oranges. I did do the “black forest anniversary cake” for ___ and ___ - they were happy! Brought home lots of leftovers today – Papa, please give me people to share them with. Thank You!
It was gray but quite warm when I got to church-in-the-park about 6:20 am or so… but after awhile a cold wind came up, and finally a light rain-shower… well, the hot dogs were pretty much done by then, so we packed up. Just as we finished packing up, of course the rain stopped and the sun came out and started shining warmly. But I think it was Your plan for Pastor P. Oh Lord, You know his troubles… and You know he needed time alone with You, and time to sort some things out…. Father, I just pray for Your love and mercy and care in his whole situation. I have really had this whole “taking people in” thing on my heart… and have been wondering – even asking You, I think – about what to do about our place while we’re away, so I drew a map and put our phone number on it for Pastor P, and told him if he needs a place to stay, till his troubles are sorted out, we have space and he’d be welcome. He said if it was up to him, he’d say no because his pride was kicking up, but he said if You tell him, he will do it! So Father, it really is up to You, however You want it to be.
So ___ was saying this morning how sweet my grandson is, and then we were talking about rain and eating outside – and I felt led to tell her about my daughter’s rain prayers, and how miraculously You answered them. And at least one of the other people, maybe two (or more? Who knows? You do!) were listening in with interest! Dear Jesus, please use this simple testimony to Your honor and glory and grace. Thank You!
After all, I did pray that it wouldn’t rain on our church-in-the-park location this morning till it was “finished” … and the rain did come just as the hot dogs were pretty much used up… it was earlier than I expected, and we didn’t do the “service” part … but I believe that was You saying, “Okay, you are finished for today so Pastor P can go and look after his situation”… and as soon as we packed up, the beautiful sun came out! Heavenly sunshine! Oh Father, let it be a sign to him of Your love and care and mercy.
Thank You, too, for all the believers who turned up this morning, more than usual, I think, who he was able to confide in, and everyone took turns praying with him. So Father, You know best what he needs… please work in this situation (difficult to us, but all in Your purposes and under Your love and control) to Your honor and glory. Amen! Thank You, Lord! Amen!
Psalm 67: 1 God be gracious to us and bless us, and cause His face to shine upon us – 2. That Your way may be known on the earth, Your salvation among all nations. 3. Let the peoples praise You, O God; …. 4…. For You will judge the peoples with uprightness and guide the nations on the earth… 6…. God, our God, blesses us 7. … that all the ends of the earth may fear Him.
When we ask God for His blessing and care… the outcome, motive, answers, guidance… must always be that His way be known, that the people fear Him, that He be the guide and judge of all!!
Jeremiah 2:11 … But My people have changed their glory for that which does not profit. 12. Be appalled, O heavens, at this… 13. For My people have committed two evils: They have forsaken Me, the fountain of living waters, to hew for themselves cisterns, broken cisterns, that can hold no water.
Naiveity, fuzzy believing...
June 16, 2009 NAIVEITY, FUZZY BELIEVING
He was also telling me how he had a major drinking problem… and asked You to take it away – completely – and how now the taste and even the smell is revolting to him.
I said that when I taste booze I crave more (especially wine, for some reason…) and tried to explain it (as I’ve tried to explain it before) as a “pride issue” where You want to keep me humble and keep me understanding where other people are at. But Papa, even as I said that, it rang so hollow. I have to say, I think I like it, the idea of still craving booze. I like to be “cool,” to be able to say in good 12-step fashion (although I’ve never gone the 12-step route), “My name is Norma and I’m an alcoholic.” Father, I see that my motivations even for “street ministry” are not pure (I did not sit down to write this! You are talking to me, Papa… I’m sorry… really I am… thank You for showing me this!) because I’ve always, since I was maybe 13 or so, wanted to be “cool” – even “street cool.” I always admired the summer hippies in our beach town back when I was a teen, and I wanted to be cool like them (as I saw it… pretty naively…. But that’s another story…).
Papa, I’ve been asking You to use me on the street… and last night ___ said, “Be careful what you ask for…” and this morning I began to see what he meant. I got some stuff together to take to Tuesday morning coffee time… Well, I got as far as Nanaimo Square, and ___ was there with some of the crew, smiling and waving and calling me over. So I went and sat down with them for a little visit, and then I realized I was standing (in my open sandals) in piles of spit this old guy kept spitting up. Yep, it kind of grossed me out. Anyway, I had this big bag of food, so I gave ___ a bunch of it, and she turned around and shared with the others… and everyone happily ate some of the coffee-time cookies and orange slices…
and then Pastor P, who was sitting nearby talking to ___, came over and told everyone that the Tuesday and Thursday coffee times are going to be closed for the summer. He’d dropped by the coffee place and found a lot of out-of-towners (“professional street people” complete with carts and all, coming here from bigger towns and from the big city), who’ve suddenly moved into town, and he says they are not respectful of the people trying to minister on the street, and that the church people who are doing this coffee outreach are not safe, not prepared to handle the level of drug use, the fights, the other behaviors that are really quickly changing the face of our streets. (I’ve lived here 6 years, and I’ve noticed, myself, that there really is a different crowd coming in this summer, perhaps a “harder” group of people… a very urban-streets outlook rather than the more small town/ resort town street people atmosphere that has been here in the past). (But Papa, can’t You take care of things, provide safety, etc? ___ says You have taken away his fear… and yet he also feels that some of these new people, including women, could at any time jump him or even try to take him out… and that he is willing for that, if that is Your will, and he longs to do anything You ask, no matter how dangerous it may be….)
I wonder, are there some people who have just totally turned against You and even speaking to them is foolhardy or whatever? That’s what ___ said, that some of these people seem to be just totally 100% turned away from You, and have no respect (maybe even want to destroy) those who are reaching out in Your name. Father, it seems to me that perhaps we “Christians” (here in our pleasant little city, of course, but even in much of North America generally) have been living in this very naively-protected-apparently-innocent environment… kind of patting each other on the back and smugly proclaiming, “God bless America (including Canada!)… the land of the free and the home of the brave… the land of the Pilgrim Fathers… our Christian nation… in God we trust.”
(Yes, we Canadians smirk at Americans who talk this way… but I’m thinking our humanistic-becoming-post-modern-small-l-liberal-lifestyle is perhaps even more foolish and dangerous because we see each ourselves as the “nice guys” who everyone likes, and so we feel – naively – that we are perpetually safe in our comfortable pew (or easy-chair, for the non-or-fuzzily-believing majority)… and our blindness to the reality and power and determination of evil forces has allowed it to creep in unnoticed – but that it is now reaching a critical mass where it can no longer hide in the back alleys and shadows, but is leaping out, right into our faces – and we, especially those who count themselves as believers, are going to have to make some very hard decisions, and have to expect to actually live the Christ-life that scripture (that Jesus Himself) promises: suffering, pain, persecution, rejection, hate, poverty, and yes, even death: nasty, painful, torturous suffering and death!
I think what is happening these days on the streets of “our fair town” is a very real harbinger of what is coming… and while we say things like “maybe we should pull back, this isn’t safe,” the reality may well be that this is only a small taste of a daily reality that is just around the corner, a reality that we will not be able to pull people back from, hide from, escape from… especially if we intend to firmly and permanently identify ourselves as followers of Jesus, as the church, the body of Christ, the family of God.
Last night, ___ said he feels that the end cannot be far away, that the tribulation is already in motion… and I’ll be honest, my first thought was, “Oh boy, here we go again. I’ve heard this kind of talk all my life. There have always been hard times. Sure, it could be coming, but it could just as easily be another 2000 years or whatever. Of course we don’t know the day or the hour, but as long as we’re ready, it doesn’t really matter….” But the thing is, as I see this little microcosm thing happening on these streets of this pleasant little city, I’m beginning to realize that we really are not ready. We are not aware of how things really are – just like in the days of Noah, as the scripture says, when everyone was eating and drinking and marrying – and scoffing at, ignoring the warnings sent by God through Moses!
We need to carefully re-read Jesus’ instructions to His disciples – and realize that those are for us, too (Mt 10; also Lk 10, and II Thess 2, and Eph 6, and so on and so forth).
… So I went on to the coffee time (on the way a local guy went by on his bike… and seemed awfully angry about the coffee time???)… And then I was heading back home and stopped at Nanaimo Square again to see if anyone wanted the few remaining cookies etc… and chatted with the people there a bit – and ___ asked me if I’d push him around a bit in his wheelchair, and as I did (stopping in the shade to rest every little while), he talked and talked about his life… and I got in a few words about Jesus when he was talking about people who’ve died, but it seemed like I was just squeezing those words in; he just wanted someone to listen, maybe… he kept saying “hi” to everyone who passed by; a few said hi back to him, others nodded and quickly hurried on, and some just totally ignored him, which obviously upset him. We stopped at one point (in a back alley – he feels better there than out on the sidewalks of Main Street…) and ___ and another guy came by and chatted a bit. I ended up pushing him to the Plaza and left him there as he wanted to hang out there, and I needed to go home… on the way we had passed a couple sitting in their yard, and the guy was talking to him, and was concerned that his wheelchair didn’t have foot stands, so when I passed there on the way back, the guy called to me and said he is a going to get some for him…
He was also telling me how he had a major drinking problem… and asked You to take it away – completely – and how now the taste and even the smell is revolting to him.
I said that when I taste booze I crave more (especially wine, for some reason…) and tried to explain it (as I’ve tried to explain it before) as a “pride issue” where You want to keep me humble and keep me understanding where other people are at. But Papa, even as I said that, it rang so hollow. I have to say, I think I like it, the idea of still craving booze. I like to be “cool,” to be able to say in good 12-step fashion (although I’ve never gone the 12-step route), “My name is Norma and I’m an alcoholic.” Father, I see that my motivations even for “street ministry” are not pure (I did not sit down to write this! You are talking to me, Papa… I’m sorry… really I am… thank You for showing me this!) because I’ve always, since I was maybe 13 or so, wanted to be “cool” – even “street cool.” I always admired the summer hippies in our beach town back when I was a teen, and I wanted to be cool like them (as I saw it… pretty naively…. But that’s another story…).
Papa, I’ve been asking You to use me on the street… and last night ___ said, “Be careful what you ask for…” and this morning I began to see what he meant. I got some stuff together to take to Tuesday morning coffee time… Well, I got as far as Nanaimo Square, and ___ was there with some of the crew, smiling and waving and calling me over. So I went and sat down with them for a little visit, and then I realized I was standing (in my open sandals) in piles of spit this old guy kept spitting up. Yep, it kind of grossed me out. Anyway, I had this big bag of food, so I gave ___ a bunch of it, and she turned around and shared with the others… and everyone happily ate some of the coffee-time cookies and orange slices…
and then Pastor P, who was sitting nearby talking to ___, came over and told everyone that the Tuesday and Thursday coffee times are going to be closed for the summer. He’d dropped by the coffee place and found a lot of out-of-towners (“professional street people” complete with carts and all, coming here from bigger towns and from the big city), who’ve suddenly moved into town, and he says they are not respectful of the people trying to minister on the street, and that the church people who are doing this coffee outreach are not safe, not prepared to handle the level of drug use, the fights, the other behaviors that are really quickly changing the face of our streets. (I’ve lived here 6 years, and I’ve noticed, myself, that there really is a different crowd coming in this summer, perhaps a “harder” group of people… a very urban-streets outlook rather than the more small town/ resort town street people atmosphere that has been here in the past). (But Papa, can’t You take care of things, provide safety, etc? ___ says You have taken away his fear… and yet he also feels that some of these new people, including women, could at any time jump him or even try to take him out… and that he is willing for that, if that is Your will, and he longs to do anything You ask, no matter how dangerous it may be….)
I wonder, are there some people who have just totally turned against You and even speaking to them is foolhardy or whatever? That’s what ___ said, that some of these people seem to be just totally 100% turned away from You, and have no respect (maybe even want to destroy) those who are reaching out in Your name. Father, it seems to me that perhaps we “Christians” (here in our pleasant little city, of course, but even in much of North America generally) have been living in this very naively-protected-apparently-innocent environment… kind of patting each other on the back and smugly proclaiming, “God bless America (including Canada!)… the land of the free and the home of the brave… the land of the Pilgrim Fathers… our Christian nation… in God we trust.”
(Yes, we Canadians smirk at Americans who talk this way… but I’m thinking our humanistic-becoming-post-modern-small-l-liberal-lifestyle is perhaps even more foolish and dangerous because we see each ourselves as the “nice guys” who everyone likes, and so we feel – naively – that we are perpetually safe in our comfortable pew (or easy-chair, for the non-or-fuzzily-believing majority)… and our blindness to the reality and power and determination of evil forces has allowed it to creep in unnoticed – but that it is now reaching a critical mass where it can no longer hide in the back alleys and shadows, but is leaping out, right into our faces – and we, especially those who count themselves as believers, are going to have to make some very hard decisions, and have to expect to actually live the Christ-life that scripture (that Jesus Himself) promises: suffering, pain, persecution, rejection, hate, poverty, and yes, even death: nasty, painful, torturous suffering and death!
I think what is happening these days on the streets of “our fair town” is a very real harbinger of what is coming… and while we say things like “maybe we should pull back, this isn’t safe,” the reality may well be that this is only a small taste of a daily reality that is just around the corner, a reality that we will not be able to pull people back from, hide from, escape from… especially if we intend to firmly and permanently identify ourselves as followers of Jesus, as the church, the body of Christ, the family of God.
Last night, ___ said he feels that the end cannot be far away, that the tribulation is already in motion… and I’ll be honest, my first thought was, “Oh boy, here we go again. I’ve heard this kind of talk all my life. There have always been hard times. Sure, it could be coming, but it could just as easily be another 2000 years or whatever. Of course we don’t know the day or the hour, but as long as we’re ready, it doesn’t really matter….” But the thing is, as I see this little microcosm thing happening on these streets of this pleasant little city, I’m beginning to realize that we really are not ready. We are not aware of how things really are – just like in the days of Noah, as the scripture says, when everyone was eating and drinking and marrying – and scoffing at, ignoring the warnings sent by God through Moses!
We need to carefully re-read Jesus’ instructions to His disciples – and realize that those are for us, too (Mt 10; also Lk 10, and II Thess 2, and Eph 6, and so on and so forth).
… So I went on to the coffee time (on the way a local guy went by on his bike… and seemed awfully angry about the coffee time???)… And then I was heading back home and stopped at Nanaimo Square again to see if anyone wanted the few remaining cookies etc… and chatted with the people there a bit – and ___ asked me if I’d push him around a bit in his wheelchair, and as I did (stopping in the shade to rest every little while), he talked and talked about his life… and I got in a few words about Jesus when he was talking about people who’ve died, but it seemed like I was just squeezing those words in; he just wanted someone to listen, maybe… he kept saying “hi” to everyone who passed by; a few said hi back to him, others nodded and quickly hurried on, and some just totally ignored him, which obviously upset him. We stopped at one point (in a back alley – he feels better there than out on the sidewalks of Main Street…) and ___ and another guy came by and chatted a bit. I ended up pushing him to the Plaza and left him there as he wanted to hang out there, and I needed to go home… on the way we had passed a couple sitting in their yard, and the guy was talking to him, and was concerned that his wheelchair didn’t have foot stands, so when I passed there on the way back, the guy called to me and said he is a going to get some for him…
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