rabbit trails, the narrow way, and Jesus (the WAY)

What if I've been going down a whole lot of rabbit trails all this time?

What if the "gospel" I've been preaching (proclaiming), teaching, believing isn't even the gospel (the good news Jesus brought).  What if it isn't truth?  What if it isn't You?

I'm trying to tell myself that this is a journey, and I've just not yet experienced it all (far from it!).  But what if the road IS narrow, and I've spent more time on rabbit trails than on THE WAY (You, Jesus).

Dear Jesus, how do I center on You?  Do I, even?  What does it even mean?

You centered on Father while You spent those years here on earth among us.  And I've tried to follow Your example, while centering on Him, knowing Him, too.  But maybe I can't really know HIM until I really know YOU first?

I have been feeling lost.  Feeling separated from You, Jesus.  I have felt like I don't even know how to be connected to You.

What if I just screw up again?  Go down some other way, some other rabbit trail? 

Oh Father!  I felt so incredibly secure in Your love.  So secure, I guess, that I just kind of settled back and relaxed and, oh dear, maybe thought I'd arrived, and I'd made it.  Maybe I've started to take You and Your love.... for granted?

I don't doubt Your love, at all.  But I'm beginning to think maybe I've just started on this journey, this relationship with You.  And that I have a long, long, long way to go.  With You, all of You, each of You.

Just not sure how.

How to follow You?  (It seemed a lot easier when there were rules to follow.  And "leaders" to tell me what to do.... another post, perhaps, on that one...)