Monday, 17 January 2011

Lonely. And afraid. But hey! ...

Father, You know I've been so lonely for You.  And yet, I just seem unable to really make any serious connection.

Afraid, actually.  Afraid of anything that takes energy, I guess.  Afraid of starting anything that might end up in failure, or at least not get completed (because, You know, we MUST commit to things, and then we MUST complete them, no matter what). 

Afraid that I am too old, too tired, too out-of-date, too mommy/grandma/woman.  And that my brain won't be able to do what it takes, anymore.  And that I might be wanting, daring, wishing to do something that, You know, women aren't supposed to do. :-(

But hey!  Here I am, actually talking to You again.  Maybe nothing profound.  More like rambling, maybe.  But for sure more than I've done for a long while. 

Yes!  Talking to, speaking with, YOU.  And yes, yes, yes!  KNOWING you are here with me.  Really sensing Your Presence. 

Knowing with certainty that You are listening.  Nodding.  Smiling.  Maybe even making those little "mmm hmmm" responses that encourage me to continue.  That actually draw me to You.

Like I am sitting at Your feet, having a real conversation with You.  My Daddy!  AND I am wanting to hear You, clearly.  Really, really wanting to hear Your voice .  To be led by You.  My shepherd (my pastor!), my teacher, Father (Abba!), Brother, Counselor, Lord, King.

"And His name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace"
"... the Way, the Truth, the Life"

My God. Thank You.

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