Monday, 30 January 2017


(journaled June 2, 2016)

Quoting from Madame Guyon: "I entreat you, give no place to despondency. This is a dangerous temptation--a refined, not a gross temptation of the adversary.... Melancholy contracts and withers the heart, and renders it unfit to receive the impressions of grace... God's designs regarding you, and his methods of bringing about these designs, are infinitely wise."

I wonder: Is "despondency" (I'm guessing what we call "depression") always a "temptation of the adversary?"

It is true that it can "wither the heart ... unfit ... to received the impressions of grace" ... and can be a "dark night of the soul." And yet, God used it in my life to give me rest. And He used it to help me "loosen my grip" on things that kept my focus off Him and instead on actions (studying doctrine/dogma; worship music; etc.--Not "bad" things, but not the center, not the focus) that distracted me from focusing on Him.

"Turn your eyes upon Jesus ... and the things of earth [including the things we focus on to reach God, instead of focusing on Him] will go strangely dim, in the light of his glory and grace."

I've begun to see light after the long darkness. And it is His light. Sometimes the old sources of light I used to seek still do call out to me ... and while they aren't "bad" things, I do not want to go back to them, at least not in the way I did before. In fact, I feel a certain dread when I think of them, especially of the focus on worship music and how that turned out. Perhaps I know their draw and do not want to be trapped again. Or perhaps I still have pain, hurt, anger that I need to let go and forgive. Lord, please help me forgive.

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