Assuring Encounter With You

(journaled June 6, 2016)

Lord, last night I watched a video of a young man who had gone deeply into "New Age" and had become very wealthy by operating websites based on it. But he was never content. Then he threw himself on his face before You, God, and had an "encounter" with Jesus. He turned from New Age to Jesus, and lost 97.5% of his income, along with his mansion, fancy cars, etc. But now he is happy, content, fulfilled.

Sometimes I really wish for a more personal "encounter," Lord, with You. I know that You ARE, but sometimes I am still tempted to wonder since it has been so long since I've had a really direct personal meeting-with-You experience. I know we're to trust You no matter what. And I think You allowed me, led me even, to erase all those other things, those kinds of "encounters" I had "faith in" in the past (though that time of "erasing" also brought me dangerously close to pushing You out, too. Thank You for holding on to me...)

Still, I'd like some kind of assuring encounter with You. Your word is good, answers to prayers are good ... but I'd really, really like to see or touch You just for a moment. You know what I mean. (But Your will be done. You know what I need so much more than I do).

I often find myself "intellectualizing" You more than knowing you. Maybe that's why I long for an experience that doesn't appeal so much to my mind, but more to my heart, spirit--even emotions?