Dreams

6 November 2010

One of the things that I was feeling discouraged about, was that I have reached 55 years of age, and suddenly realized that a lot of things I have dreamed of doing and being, have not been fulfilled.  Some, of course, I've nibbled at; others are at least in the early stages of process.  And I KNOW that Father knows my dreams, and that He loves me.  And that if some of these dreams are in His purpose and plan for me, He will provide and lead.  Even plant His own dreams in my heart, dreams that are greater than I can imagine.

But when I was feeling so down, it just seemed like I was getting too old and tired and that I'd never realize any of my dreams.  I was so tired that my mind was foggy, and my memory was failing, and my naturally organized personality was becoming more and more disorganized.  I was even terrified that maybe I was developing early onset dementia.  It was a bleak time.

But even in that bleakness, Father (I'm sure it was He) nudged me to once again list my dreams.  I personally felt it was a hopeless waste of time, and I cried through the whole exercise.  But as I look at that list now I am beginning to feel hope, and courage to get up and get going.  To bring this list to Papa, and talk to Him about it.  To see what we might do together, in His will, with His guidance and strength and provision.  Hope is springing!  And with it peace and joy!  Thank You, Lord!

• I dream of living in a little cabin by the ocean.  Sitting on the driftwood. Listening to the waves crashing on the beach.  To gulls and ravens calling.  Feeling the wind as it blows through great cedar trees.  Hear the rain splattering on the roof.  Smell the sea-salt in the air.  I dream of looking to the far-off horizon.  Dreaming of far-off places.  Maybe even getting on a boat and going to see some of them.  Maybe even get to serve some of Papa's children there.  I would love that.
• I dream of being able to spend more time with my children and grand-children.  I dream of all my children, their spouses, my granchildren - even their spouses' families, all walking close with Jesus.  I pray.  And pray.  And I know God answers.
• I dream of getting that PhD in history that the Dean of History at UBC urged me to pursue, so many years ago.  Or at least a Masters?  But my grandpa always said I'd get a PhD.  That would be awesome.
• I dream of living in an intentional community.  A community where we share each others' lives.  Where maybe I could be a granny-home-school-community-teacher :-)
• I dream, just once in my life, to be a bit of a success at something.  Is that selfish?  Maybe.
• I dream of life in a cabin by the beach, writing, and inspiring.  Writing blogs, and even a book or two, that someone actually reads.
• I dream of maybe taking some seminary classes sometime.
• I dream of continuing to learn French and Haida, and maybe Spanish too.  and actually become fairly fluent by living in an immersion situation.
• I dream of teaching people things I'm passionate about without being tied down to the "educational system" and without having to prepare exams and report cards!
• I dream of becoming a successful writer.  Whatever that means, lol!
• I dream of going camping.  A lot.
• I dream of having a vacation in a cabin by the ocean.  By myself!!
• I dream of lots of time to hang out with my kids.  My sister.  My husband (getting to know each other more).
• I dream of playing my guitar, getting and playing a piano, singing old sons, sketching, painting with water colors, planting an herb garden and veggies too.
• I dream of lots of time for relationship with Jesus (and I dream that my kids will understand and accept that)
• I dream of long rambling conversations with interesting people.
• I dream of being part of a gathering of the church that is a real, daily community.  And that I will discover what my "gift(s)" might be.  And use them to truly be part of the body.
• I dream of getting an old bus, and camperizing it, and travel across Canada, and America too, for a year or so.  (My husband thinks that is a horrible idea, lol!)
• I dream of curling up outside in the gazebo, wrapped in a cozy quilt in one of the big chairs, and sleeping.  (Okay! I've been realizing this dream! :-)

I dream!  And hope!  And joy comes flooding in! 

Thank You, Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit.  Praise Your Holy Name.  Amen.