Questions in Prayer

(originally journaled Christmas eve 2017)

Lord God--Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit--

Are You here? Are You listening? Do you really answer prayer?

I know You do--but oh, dear God, why does it seem like our prayers and Your answers so often seem so far apart? I know You know best, and Your timing and plans and purposes are perfect, but...

And, oh dear God, my hopes and dreams and efforts seem so often to have been so wrong-headed and futile and helpless. I really, truly have tried (at least some of the time) to follow You the best way I knew how...

But what about my deepest cares and concerns about family and friends that just seem to go on and on. What about loved ones who don't seem to be coming to You? What about those, even those who love You and follow You, but seem to suffer loss and illness and other tragedies far and above what seems "fair"? What about people who have begged for Your healing and trusted You through thick and thin--and then they just get worse and worse? Are You in some way giving them extra-special love that the rest of us just can't see? Is suffering really Your best way of drawing us closer to You?

What kind of a world is this? What about all the people caught up in never-ending wars? What about children living in poverty, or born with the addictions of their drug-addicted parents? What about people stuck in refugee camps for years and years? Children starving to death?

What about politics that are tearing the world apart? What about the whole thing with America, under Trump, trying to make Jerusalem Israel's capital alone? What about the Palestinians who've lived there for thousands of years? Don't they deserve some part of it, too?

What about our uber-liberal society?

What about wars? Nuclear threats?

Sin????

Where is "Peace on Earth and Good Will to Men"?

I want to "practice Your Presence" and follow You closely. Why am I finding it so hard? I know I went far astray for a while. I know I doubted You. I know I called down Your church (at least the sad, seemingly "wrong" parts of it).

But You know I've never really given up, never really denied You. (Have I?)

I know You've really taken care of our family, and we have few sufferings compared to so many people. I know You answer the prayers that have been prayed for my children--You do, I have seen many wonderful answers... and yet....

What about all the prayers I've prayed? The prayers my parents prayed over many long years? The prayers other family and friends have prayed? What about that? Are You still "working on" those prayers?

"God answers prayer."

"Thy will be done."

Aren't the prayers I'm referring to (You know what they are) in Your will?  Or is there still lots of time (and I'm just panicking because I'm getting older and feel like I'm running out of time...) and You really are working things out? Oh dear God, PLEASE answer!

I'm tired, dear God.

And I'm sorry for all my doubts and wonderings.

I need to put aside "me" and "my worries" and focus on You--and trust You to work these things out, right?

Amen.