Friday, 13 May 2016

What am I bringing into the world?

(Originally posted Jan 7, 2015)

I hope, as it says in today's Common Prayer, that I've brought a "little more love and kindness, a little more light and truth in the world," and some peace, too.

I know I'm not being patient with Your ways and timing. There's so much time for You--but so little for us. You know that, Jesus, for You had a very short time here on earth--and an infinitely more important mission. You really saw the "big picture," far more than any of us are capable.

But I'd still like to help open people's eyes ... and hearts.

I like the vision of that guy who is working on a way to inspire peace and caring and stuff among the youth in our town.

Me? I'm just writing "learning themes." And helping out my family a bit (but maybe that's just because they are "my" family). I want to help others, and encourage them, and in some way make people's lives more "community" and peaceable and sustainable and caring.

A friend who has a street ministry in our town says he thinks I'm like him--and in some ways I am, but not altogether.  I'm really beginning to see that each of us is different--which is why, without a doubt, You need, call, use all of us. And each of us has something good and worthwhile and useful to bring to Your purposes and plans for Your creation, Your world, Your beloved children.

I'm just not sure what mine is, to bring. I'm such a "Jill of all trades, master of none,"--but maybe that's needed, too.

And you've taught me to care and to maybe even to listen a bit and to long for people to find peace--your peace, real peace, please? Maybe that's enough?

I've written and written and written my thoughts and questions and wonderings (and even some challengings) in the past. But who has really listened, except for a few "members of the choir," so to speak? Maybe people whose hearts and minds You've been preparing ... and yet it seems to me that a lot of people you lead me to be friends with, and share my writing with, don't even know about You. Some aren't even interested or seem to actually be antagonistic against You (or, at least, antagonistic against their "idea of You").

That's what I was thinking when R. was saying he doesn't even know if You're real. (And yes, I felt his pain. And I've felt the same, sometimes ... "Doubting Norma" ...). But I was thinking--or maybe You were whispering in my ear because I really did feel like You were just telling me to keep peace and not argue or try to explain in "doctrinal ways" ... that maybe he's not ready? or he just needs to rant before he can listen? or doctrinal explanations just seem too pat ... or? And maybe You were telling me to realize that he has to work through this with You there at his side even though he doesn't realize it's You just now, because he's looking for, or expecting, a "You" that isn't really You.

"Keep us from trying to rush peace."

Help me see the big picture, Lord. Help me see the world with Your eyes. Help me to speak only the words You give me to speak. And meanwhile, help me to do a lot of listening and gentle caring. (Jeremiah 13:14: pity, mercy, compassion).

And Lord, what about "God's Kitchen" outreach? Has it really gotten too "institutional," or is it just me not willing to change? Or what? It's supposed to be Your kitchen, Lord. Your table.

"He brings me to his banqueting table, His banner over me is love."

You came and invited the poor and the wretched and blind (and the rich and successful and leaders rejected You).

What do You want us to spread at Your table? Just lots of warm, healthy, physical food? And a quiet, peaceful spot for a few minutes? And a few prayers and counseling? And? Or? Lord? Your will be done.

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